


A Step Too Far?

by BitterSnowflake



Category: Andrew Scott - Fandom, Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom, British actor - Fandom, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: ADHD, Actor Tom Hiddleston, Angry Benedict Cumberbatch, Consensual Infidelity, Consensual Sex, Consensual spanking, Corporal Punishment, Dad Tom Hiddleston, Depression, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominant Benedict Cumberbatch, Drug Addiction, Drugs, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Masturbation, Sex, Spanking, Stepfather, add, dieting, dom andrew scott
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterSnowflake/pseuds/BitterSnowflake
Summary: A step too far; when you’ve gone beyond acceptable limits…Nina is a twenty year old girl with a problem; she’s painfully attracted to her stepfather (Tom Hiddleston). One day, she finds porn on his computer with girls looking a lot like herself, and she can’t help but wondering if he feels the same sexual attraction to her as she does to him. That same day, Tom has a very attractive colleague over for dinner (Benedict Cumberbatch). One thing leads to another and Nina finds herself becoming their new secretary. Will her flirtatious behaviour be kept in check or will she end up taking things a step too far?
Relationships: Benedict Cumberbatch/Original Female Character(s), Benedict Cumberbatch/Sophie Hunter, Tom Hiddleston/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	1. Daddy

Nina groaned and pulled her blanket over her head to evade the intrusive sunlight. Her head felt as though it was about to explode, her body was sore and she felt nauseous. She clutched her stomach and curled up into a ball after the blanket had been quite mercilessly removed from her half naked body.

“Get up!”

Nina looked up at her stepfather, intrigued by the sound of his unusually firm tone of voice. He had never spoken to her like that before, or glared at her the way he did now. He seemed to be really pissed off about something. She couldn’t help but smirk as she recalled the reason why he must have been so upset with her.

“Oh, hello Daddy dearest. Have you woken up on the wrong side of the bed?” she asked him teasingly as she calmly sat up in her bed and watched him with amusement as she leaned forward, boldly showing off her cleavage.

“Would you mind putting something on?” the man asked, demonstratively looking away from her to indicate that he wasn’t interested in seeing her like that. But Nina knew better. She had caught him looking at her several times during the course of the last two years. Grinning mischievously, she climbed off the bed, pulled her top off and stood in front of him, provocatively massaging her big, naked breasts.

“But Daddy, don’t you love me?” Nina asked him and jutted out her lower lip to express her disappointment. 

Tom cursed mentally and stared out the window in a vain attempt to not grow excited by his stepdaughter’s highly inappropriate approach. He could feel the sweet smell of her yasmin shampoo as she leaned up to whisper in his ear, brushing her mostly naked body up against his in the process. “Doesn’t Daddy want to play with his little girl?” The hint of expensive whiskey on her breath reminded Tom of why he had come there in the first place. Along with his anger, he regained his composure and deliberately placed his hands on each of the girl’s shoulders and decidedly pushed her away from him.

“Nina, stop this Daddy nonsense at once,” he told her firmly.

“But I thought it was what you’re into. Why else would you have that kind of stuff on your computer?” Nina asked provocatively. Tom’s heart sunk. Of course there’s where she had gotten it from.

“What were you doing on my computer?” he asked her brittly.

“Oh, is Daddy angry with me? Does Daddy want to punish me?” Nina asked him boldly.

“Just put something on already,” he told her irritably and picked up a summer dress from the floor and threw it on her. “We’re having an important guest over for dinner and I don’t want any trouble from you. Is that clear?”

“Me? Trouble?” Nina asked with feigned innocence as she put on her dress.

“The bottle of whiskey you opened had sentimental value to me,” Tom informed her bitterly. 

“What makes you so sure I did it,” Nina questioned, not even trying to seem innocent. 

“Who else would it be?” Tom questioned, getting fed up with her little misdemeanours

“The poolboy,” Nina replied cheekily. “At least it was his idea.”

“What were you and the poolboy doing in my office?” Tom demanded irritably.

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know,” Nina laughed. “Are you jealous, Daddy?”

“Stop it,” Tom said firmly.

“Or else what? You’ll spank me?” Nina asked teasingly, knowing damn well that he would never dare to lay a hand on her.

“Just make yourself look decent and come down for dinner,” he told her wearily.

“Are you saying I’m not decent?” Nina questioned.

“Put a bra on and remove your old makeup,” he advised her. “Like I said before, we’re having an important guest over. It’s a colleague of mine, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t do or say anything inappropriate,” he said and held out a thousand swedish krona bill. “You’ll get another one later if the dinner goes well.”

Nina smirked as she grabbed the money from him. “I never thought you would be desperate enough to actually bribe me.”

Tom muttered something inaudible on the way out. He seemed far from satisfied by how things had turned out.

Nina took a quick shower and removed the rest of her makeup before reapplying some new mascara and eyeliner. She smiled to herself as she grabbed a clean dress and a thong; she wasn’t going to wear a bra like her hot stepfather had requested.

During the last two years of her life, Nina had found herself yearning for Tom, but she had seemingly never caught his interest. Or so she had thought, until she by chance had discovered the pornographic material on his computer. He had forgotten to log out from the computer and had forgotten to shut down his last pornosession preceding night. There had been many tabs open in the web reader and the women on the screen had been in their twenties, like herself, and not her mother’s age. It had to mean something, Nina thought. Especially since a lot of the women had similarities to herself, with augmented breasts, blue eyes and long dark hair.

Once she was ready, Nina stepped downstairs and entered the kitchen where her mother was.

“Hi, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?” her mother greeted her with a hug, speaking in swedish now that they were alone. Nina nodded in response and smiled warmly at her mother as she went into the fridge to grab one of her sugarfree energy drinks. “Do you really have to drink that by the dinner table? We’re having a guest over.”

“I’m tired mom. I was up late last night,” Nina replied, also in swedish.

“And you slept all day,” Tom said from the door opening and walked up to her. He didn’t speak much swedish, but he almost always seemed to understand what was being said. He grabbed the energy drink from Nina’s hand before she had time to open it and put it back into the fridge. “Come on, Nina. We’re having some wine, surely that must be better than that energy drink of yours.”

“Sure, why not,” Nina smiled and thought about the money she would get if the dinner played out nicely.

Once she entered the dining room and laid eyes on the man standing up by the dinner table to greet her, Nina’s heart nearly skipped a beat. He was very handsome.

“Hello, you must be Nina. I’m Benedict Cumberbatch. Nice to meet you,” he introduced himself, and Nina couldn’t help but laugh at the unexpected name. Tom cleared his throat and gave her a disapproving look.

“I’m Nina. It’s nice to meet you too, mister Cumberbatch,” Nina said and bit her lip not to start laughing again.

“You can call me Ben,” the man told her with a smile.

“Thank God,” Nina replied.

“Not God, Ben,” Benedict said humorously. Nina laughed genuinely at his lame comment. He seemed sweet.

“Alright then, Ben,” Nina said and sat down in the seat next to him. It was nice having a guest over for dinner, that way she didn’t have to be the third wheel.

“So, Nina. How old are you?” Benedict asked.

“I’m as old as you want me to be,” Nina said boldly with a wink, causing Benedict to laugh and Tom to look royally pissed.

“She’s twenty,” Tom answered for her and sat down on the opposite side of the table. Nina just smiled at him. This was going to be an interesting evening.

It was a pleasant dinner with good food and interesting company. Benedict turned out to be the perfect dinner guest; he was polite, a good conversationalist, enjoyed the food and drank moderately. Nina adored him. If she couldn’t have Tom, then perhaps she could have a chance at Benedict. After all, he was responding well to her flirting.

When dinner was over, Tom slipped Nina some more money. It was twice the amount he had promised her. “Thank you, Nina. Would you please help your mother with the dishes? She looks tired,” he requested.

“You’ve got it, Tom,” she replied with a wink as she put the money in her dress pocket. It was her favorite part of having a mother who was a good seamstress; she could ask her to do alterations to her clothes so they fit her needs better. She walked up to grab the plates from her mother as the two men went to sit in the living room with a glass of whiskey each.

“Oh, thank you, Nina,” her mother said, somewhat surprised by the unexpected aide.

“You look tired, mom. Perhaps you should go and have some rest,” Nina suggested. “I’ve got this.”

“Are you sure?” her mother asked hesitantly.

“Yes, go now before I change my mind,” Nina told her firmly.

“Thank you darling,” her mother replied with an appreciative smile. She did look tired. She had been tired a lot during the whole pregnancy and soon it was finally time for the baby to come out. Nina looked forward to finally becoming a big sister, although it was a little late. She would be twenty years older than her sibling; old enough to be it’s mother.

Once she saw the mountain of dishes, Nina changed her mind. She grimaced slightly and considered not doing it, but then thought about how her mother would likely end up doing it if she didn’t, as Tom was busy entertaining his guest.

Nina put on some music in the kitchen and sang along to it as she grabbed an energy drink from the fridge. She took a sip from it before proceeding to rinse off and put the dishes into the dishwasher. Soon, she got the sense that she was being watched, and turned around to find Benedict looking at her from the door opening.

“You nearly scared me there, Ben,” she told him with a smile as she washed her hands and dried them on the kitchen towel. He grinned cheekily at her, seemingly beginning to get a bit tipsy.

“Which way is the bathroom?” he asked.

“It’s right this way,” Nina said and showed him to the bathroom.

“Thank you, Nina,” he said appreciatively before heading in. Nina smiled to herself as she headed back to the kitchen to finish the cleaning up. She found Tom standing there by the coffee boiler, making coffee for himself and his friend.

“Do you want some coffee?” he offered and Nina nodded before taking a sip from her energy drink. “I can’t believe you drink so much of those things. It can’t be good for your health.”

“It’s my first one today,” Nina objected defensively. Her consumption of energy drinks was a recurring topic of conversation in the Andersson-Hiddleston household. Everyone but her agreed that she needed to cut down on the amount of energy drinks she was having on a daily basis.

“Don’t you get hyper from drinking them?” Tom wondered.

“Not really, I have ADD remember? My brain can take a lot of central stimulants without going hyper. It helps me focus,” Nina reminded him.

“Right, do you still take medications for that?” Tom asked casually as he poured three cups of coffee.

“No, the idiot doctor stopped prescribing them because they were affecting my appetite. She thought I lost too much weight,” Nina replied bitterly. “They work perfectly fine as diet pills if you can’t get your hands on ephedrine.”

“Ephedrine?” Tom questioned seriously. “You’re not taking ephedrine, are you?”

“No, of course not, Tom. I just know people use it to lose weight. It was a joke. I said the ADD meds work as diet pills because they make you lose your appetite. That’s all there was to it,” Nina assured him anxiously. Why couldn't she just have kept her mouth shut?

“You better be telling the truth,” Tom warned, and she found herself smirking at his words. She walked up to him boldly and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Or else what?” she challenged. She felt a rush of excitement running through her body as she looked at his almost stern facial expression.

“Or else your mother and I would be very disappointed in you,” he told her seriously. Nina sighed. Why couldn’t he just play along for once? Why did he always have to be so serious? “Seriously Nina, if you’re taking ephedrine, you need to stop it at once. It’s not good for your heart at all.”

“What’s not good for her heart?” Nina nearly jumped at the sound of her mother’s voice. How much had she heard?

“The energy drinks,” Tom replied and turned around to smile at his pregnant wife.

“You’re absolutely right about that,” Nina’s mother agreed.

“Weren’t you supposed to be resting?” Nina asked.

“I was, I just wanted a glass of orange juice,” the mother said.

“With or without ice?” Nina asked as she picked out a clean glass for her mother.

“With, please,” the mother replied and smiled, happily surprised by her daughter’s unexpected helpfulness. Nina put some ice in the glass and poured some orange juice into it before handing it to her mother. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, mom. Now go get some rest,” Nina told her with a playful stern look.

“Doctor’s orders, Helena,” Tom agreed and leaned in to kiss his wife. Nina habitually turned away from the sight of the two of them kissing. She didn’t particularly enjoy watching the object of her desire kiss her own mother.

“Alright then,” Helena agreed. “Now I know how you must feel when we’re ganging up on you,” she added humorously to her daughter.

“Not so fun, now is it?” Nina teased.

“Not particularly. But it’s sweet, it means you care about me,” Helena replied happily.

“Are you trying to say that you two keep nagging me only because you care about me?” Nina snorted.

“Of course we are,” Tom and Helena replied in unison. Tom laid his arms around Helena’s shoulders, hugging her from behind as he looked at Nina earnestly.

“Seriously, Nina. We wouldn’t be nagging if we didn’t care,” he told her.

“Are you saying my father doesn’t care because he’s not nagging me about things?” Nina questioned, dramatically turning things around.

“I never said that,” Tom insisted.

“He didn’t say that,” Helena agreed.

“You two make a great team,” Nina commented and irritably resumed her work with the cleaning up.

“We love you,” Helena said, placing a gentle hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “And so does your father, even if he’s not nagging you.”

“I know,” Nina replied and lightly kissed the top of her mother’s hand. “I love you too. Now go get some rest, I’ve got this.”

“Look at you, all grown up,” Helena said lovingly, causing Nina to smile to herself. She was grown up. She could have her own apartment and live by herself if she wanted to. Her parents and Tom would probably help her with the expenses, but she preferred living with her mother. Especially now that she was getting a little brother or sister. She wanted to be there and help.

As soon as she was done cleaning up the kitchen and dining room, Nina grabbed her energy drink in one hand and her coffee in the other. She really felt like her brain didn’t want to wake up properly, which was frustrating. She yawned and thought about going back to bed, but the sound of Benedict’s voice piqued her interest. He was still there, and he was hot.

Nina walked into the living room and smiled at the two men. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked hopefully.

“Please do. We’re done talking business for the day, aren’t we?” Benedict said, turning towards Tom who politely returned the smile. Nina could tell by the slight frown on Tom’s forehead that he wasn’t entirely pleased by her interruption. Perhaps it had been untimely, or he just didn’t want her there. Either way, she didn’t really care, because Benedict wanted her there.

“So what’s up?” Nina asked and put her drinks down on the couch table before sitting down next to Benedict. Their legs touched, but he didn’t move even though he had plenty of space in the rest of the sofa. Nina smiled up at him. He wanted her to be close to him.

“Are you drinking coffee and an energy drink?” Benedict asked her amusedly.

“Yep. I have a condition that gives me the superpower of being able to drink gallons of caffeine without getting hyper,” Nina told him humorously.

“And what might that condition be?” Benedict asked interestedly.

“Attention Deficit Disorder, so it’s like ADHD but without the hyperactivity that makes those people so impulsive and interesting. It’s basically the boring side of ADHD,” Nina explained. She was quite open about her diagnosis and didn’t see any reason trying to hide it in order to fit in. She never fit in anyhow, no matter how hard she tried, so she had simply stopped trying. It was liberating somehow to stop caring so much about what people thought and just be.

“Ah, I see. I have a cousin with ADD,” Benedict told her, seemingly not at all made uncomfortable by her openness.

“Too bad for him,” she replied and took a sip from her coffee before sitting back on the sofa. They were really close to each other and she could feel the heat from his suit clad body. “Aren’t you warm in that suit?” she questioned. “I’m really warm and I’m just wearing a dress.”

“Now that you say it, I am warm,” Benedict replied with a smile and undid his tie and the top buttons of his shirt, looking way more casual than before. Nina bit her lip as she imagined him tying her up with his black tie.

“You should take it off,” Nina said and took the liberty of reaching out to take his tie off for him. He grinned at her as she pulled it off over his head, showing off her cleavage in the process. “That’s better,” she said with a smile and put the tie around her own neck, before reaching out to undo a couple of more buttons on Benedict’s shirt.

“First class service,” Benedict told Tom humorously.

“You could say that,” Tom replied and grabbed his glass of whiskey. Nina felt a thrill of excitement by the disapproving look he was giving her. It was a favourite fantasy of hers; the stern stepfather. 

“So what are your plans for tonight?” Nina asked Benedict.

“Well, I suppose a quiet night in. I’m staying in your guest room tonight,” Benedict revealed causing Nina to grin at him.

“Let me know if you want any company in bed,” she told him boldly. Benedict laughed heartily at her comment.

“Oh, aren’t you a cheeky one,” he said amusedly and pointed to the ring on his finger. “As tempting as it is I have to decline. Married with two children,” he explained.

“Well, you don’t have to tell anyone about it,” Nina continued, finally feeling some effect from the wine she had had earlier. “I’m pretty sure Tom wouldn’t tell on you. Now would you Tom?” she asked and looked at her stepfather. His eyes were dark with anger as he glared at her.

“Nina, stop it,” Tom told her seriously.

“Stop what?” Nina asked innocently, biting her lip to suppress a victorious smile.

“He just said he’s married, show some respect,” Tom said.

“Do you think I’m being disrespectful to you, Ben?” Nina asked, looking up at him with her big blue eyes.

“Not really. It’s just some innocent flirting in my book,” Benedict replied with a wink.

“You see, Tom? Ben is not bothered, so neither should you be,” Nina told her stepfather.

“Tom, didn’t we say we needed another secretary now that Andrea is going on maternity leave?” Benedict asked. “How about Nina?”

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” Tom objected, clearly not at all keen on the idea. 

“Why not? I could be your secretary,” Nina told him.

“She speaks fluent english and swedish, which is exactly what we need,” Benedict insisted.

“I’m sure there are other, better qualified people who can do the job,” Tom replied and frowned slightly at his colleague, as though he was trying to figure out what was going through his mind.

“Well, I want her as my secretary. She’s easy to talk to, flirtatious and charismatic. It’ll be perfect,” Benedict insisted again.

“Don’t you think she’s a bit too flirtatious?” Tom asked.

“She could tone it down a little at work I suppose. And wear a bra. You could do that, right Nina?” Benedict asked her.

“Of course, mister Cumberbatch,” Nina said eagerly. “I’ll wear whatever you want me to wear.”


	2. The New Secretary

Nina smiled as she was shown her desk at the office. She was actually going to work there, like a real grownup, rather than sitting at home trying to figure out what to do with her life. She was really excited about her new job and paid close attention to everything her precursor was telling her. She was determined to do well, to show Tom that he was wrong about her. 

"Hello, Nina at Odinson Enterprise, how can I help you?" Nina answered her first phone call. She was instructed to answer in either swedish or english depending on which phone that rang. She had answered the swedish phone, but the woman on the other end was speaking english. 

"Hello, this is Sophie, Ben's wife. I would like you to leave him a message for me," the woman at the other end of the phone said. 

"Okay, Sophie, what's the message?" Nina asked, grabbing a pen and paper. 

"Could you tell him to pick up my parents at the airport at twenty past three, their flight number is seven hundred and six. Tell him it's important," Sophie requested. 

"Of course, Sophie. Was that all?" Nina wondered. 

"That's all," Sophie replied. 

"Have a good day," Nina said, a bit unsure how to finish the call. 

"Thanks. You too," Sophie replied politely. 

"Thank you. Bye," Nina said. 

"Bye." The phone hung up and Nina was almost shaking with excitement at how she had managed to finish the rather simple task of taking a message. Now she just had to present it to Benedict, or mister Cumberbatch as she was now required to address him when in the presence of others. 

"Andrea," Nina said excitedly. "I have a message for mister Cumberbatch, what do I do?" 

"You check the diary and try to find a good moment to deliver the message to him," Andrea said helpfully and showed her the diary.

"Seems like he's a busy man," Nina noted as she looked through the day's schedule. "Will he even have time to pick up Sophie's parents at the airport?" 

"Let me see," Andrea offered and looked at Nina's notes. She went ahead and opened Tom's diary. "Tom could take the meeting at three."

"Okay, good," Nina replied. "So when do we inform them?" 

"You can inform them now. Ask Tom first if he can take the meeting, and then inform Ben when you know for sure," Andrea instructed.

"Okay, thank you, Andrea," Nina said appreciatively and headed towards Tom's office. Andrea cleared her throat. 

"Don't forget to bring him his ten o clock coffee," she reminded her.

"Oh, thank you. Do I bring Ben coffee as well?" Nina asked insecurely. 

"He usually takes his coffee nearer to eleven on Mondays," Andrea replied. 

"Oh God, it seems like I have a lot to learn," Nina commented as she scribbled down the coffee times in her little notepad. 

"You're a quick learner, you'll do just fine," Andrea assured her. "By the end of the week, you'll be more than ready to take over for me." 

"Thank you, Andrea," Nina said appreciatively, beginning to feel as though she might have been overconfident with accepting the job on such short notice.

Nina grabbed the cup of coffee that Andrea had prepared for Tom and went to knock on his office door before opening it.

"Hi, Tom," Nina said with a smile as she walked inside his office, leaving the door half open behind her. 

"Hi, Nina. Thank you very much," Tom said courteously as she sat the cup of coffee down his desk. "How's your first day?" 

"Informative," she replied in swedish, unable to come up with the english word for it. 

"You could say enlightening or informative," Tom said helpfully. Nina smiled. They often did this; helped each other with finding the right words when speaking each others' languages. 

"It's been very enlightening, thank you for asking. How's your day?" Nina asked. 

"Busy as always," Tom told her with a slight sigh. 

"About that, we were wondering if you could take today's three o' clock meeting," she asked. 

"I'm sorry, but no. I can't, because then I won't be able to make it to your mother's ultrasound," Tom replied. 

"Is that today?" Nina asked excitedly. "Are you going to check if it's a boy or a girl?" 

"That's for your mother to decide," Tom told her with a smile. 

"I'll let Andrea know you can't make the meeting. See you around," Nina told him breezily and left his office, feeling excited about the baby. "Tom couldn't take the three o' clock meeting," she informed Andrea. "He's going to an ultrasound."

"Oh, right. I completely forgot about that," Andrea said embarrassedly and instinctively touched her own sizable abdomen at the mention of the ultrasound. She opened a third diary on the desk. "Let's see if Andrew can take it," she said and Nina went up to peek over her shoulder.

"Looks like he can move the paperwork to some other time and take the meeting. Why don't you bring him a cup of tea and ask him?" Andrea instructed. 

"Oh, okay," Nina replied and grabbed the cup of tea that Andrea had somehow found the time to prepare in between all the other tasks and phone calls. With a growing sense of nervousness, Nina walked up to the door and knocked. She waited for a response before carefully opening the door. "Good morning, mister Scott," she greeted him politely. "I'm Nina and hopefully I'll be your new secretary starting next week."

"Oh, hi, Nina. By all means, feel free to call me Andrew when it's just the two of us," he told her mirthfully. 

"Okay Andrew. I have a little question for you. Could you take Ben's three o' clock meeting today so he can pick up his parents in law at the airport?" Nina wondered. 

"What did I have planned for three o' clock?" Andrew asked. 

"Paperwork," Nina replied. 

"Right, I do have a lot of paperwork to do. But I'll do it, if you could do me a favour, Nina," Andrew said cagily. 

"What is the favour?" Nina asked. 

"Could you stay behind today to help me with the paperwork? Of course you'll get paid for it," Andrew requested. 

"Sure. I don't really have any experience, but I'll do my best," Nina told him. 

"All the more reason for you to do it. You could use the practice," Andrew replied and smiled appreciatively as she put the teacup down in front of him. "Thank you, Nina." 

"You're welcome," Nina replied before taking her leave. 'He said yes,' she mouthed at Andrea who was on the phone and made the thumbs up to her. Nina walked up to Benedict's office with the note in her hand and knocked on the door. 

"Come in," came his voice from the other side of the door. Nina smiled to herself as she opened the door and shut it behind her. 

"Good morning, Ben," she greeted him cheerfully.

"Good morning, Nina," Benedict replied with a smile as he averted his gaze from the computer screen. "How's your first day at work?" 

"Enlightening," Nina replied with a smile. "But I feel like I have a lot to learn." 

"You'll do just fine, I'm sure," Benedict assured her. 

"I sure hope so," Nina said. "I have a message for you from your wife," she added and handed him the piece of paper. 

"Nice handwriting, it's easy to read," Benedict commended. "Don't I have a meeting at three?" 

"You did, but Andrew said he could take it for you," Nina informed him with a smile.

"That's great. Thank you," Benedict said appreciatively. "Could you please bring me a cup of coffee?" he requested. 

"Of course," Nina replied and instantly went to fetch him a coffee. When she came back, he smiled at her as she put down the cup of coffee on the desk in front of him, making sure to show off her cleavage in the process. “There you go, mister Cumberbatch,” she had practiced and was now able to say his last name with a straight face.

“Thank you, miss Andersson,” Benedict replied in a businesslike tone. She grinned at him in response. 

"Do you need anything else?" she asked, gently touching his shoulder. 

"Actually, I was wondering if you could stay behind today and help me with some paperwork," he requested. 

"I already promised Andrew I would help him, but maybe tomorrow?" she offered. 

"Tomorrow is good," Benedict agreed and Nina smiled before leaving his office. She threw a glance over her shoulder and caught him indiscreetly checking her ass out. She winked at him before shutting the door.

The day went by quickly since Andrea constantly kept her busy with various tasks. There were a lot of things to learn, such as the three men's busy schedules and about their habits and preferences.

"Tomorrow will be easier," Andrea assured her once the working day had come to an end. 

"I still have to help Andrew with some paperwork," Nina remembered and sighed as she reached into her bag for yet another energy drink. 

"You drink a lot of those," Andrea remarked.

"I need them," Nina said defensively. 

"You're addicted to them," Andrea smiled. 

"I probably am," Nina agreed with a shrug. 

"How about tomorrow, you try drinking coffee instead," Andrea suggested. 

"Just coffee?" Nina questioned. 

"Just coffee," Andrea replied. 

"Now you're being too hard on the rookie," Nina complained. 

"At least I'm not worse than Andrew who asked you to work late on your first day," Andrea told her. "Don't forget the laptop, most of the paperwork is digitalised." 

“Right. See you tomorrow,” Nina replied. 

“See you tomorrow.”

Nina bit her lip nervously as she approached Andrew’s office. He was the only one left there except for herself. He was handsome. He was about the same height as Nina, had friendly brown eyes, brown hair and an expressive face. When he was happy, his entire being seemed to light up, and when he was angry he looked like a thundercloud. She had seen him angry once during that first day, and that was when he came back from a lunch meeting. As she knocked on the door, she hoped to find sunshine Andrew on the other side. 

“Hi, Nina. Are you ready for some paperwork?” Andrew asked her from behind the desk. He looked tired, but he seemed to be in a good mood.

"Sure. Can I get you something before we begin. Tea? Coffee?" Nina offered. 

"No thank, I'm good," Andrew replied with a smile and motioned for her to sit down in the chair in front of his dark wooden desk. Nina sat down, put her work computer down and looked at him expectantly. "I think you're supposed to open the lid first," Andrew told her humorously. 

"Right," Nina said with a blush as she opened the lid, put it on and typed in the password on the computer. She felt a bit awkward around Andrew. He was very charismatic, but she hadn't noticed him looking at her the way other men had throughout the day. She probably wasn't his type. "Has Andrea shown you how to file records yet?" 

"Briefly," Nina said. 

"Here, I'll show you," Andrew offered and walked up behind her, leaning over her as he showed her what to do and how to do it. She felt the scent of his musky cologne, and swallowed slightly as she thought about how attractive he was. She hadn't really tried flirting with him, because he seemed so serious about his work. But now he seemed more relaxed than before. 

"I think I've got it now," Nina finally told him after a few minutes' demonstration of the filing system.

"Show me," Andrew instructed and Nina successfully filed a record. "Great. Keep going and I'll answer some mail. Let me know if you have any questions." 

Nina kept filing records until Andrew finally announced that they were done for the day. She let out a sigh of relief and got herself ready to leave. 

"Do you want a ride home?" Andrew offered as they left the building together. 

"Sure, if it's not any trouble," Nina said. 

"Not at all," Andrew smiled. Nina made sure to show off her cleavage as she got in the car, but noticed that he was not interested in the least. "Perhaps you should wear a top with a higher neckline tomorrow, your breasts are almost falling out," he remarked amusedly. 

"They are?" Nina asked and looked down at her breasts. He was right, they were nearly bursting out of her bra and top. "Damn it, I must have gained weight," she muttered to herself as she examined her body. 

"You're beautiful and definitely don't need to worry about your weight, Nina," Andrew assured her with a sympathetic look in his eyes. "Don't become a slave to unhealthy ideals," he advised as he started the car. 

"Easy for you to say, you're a man," Nina muttered. She felt close to tears as she was disgusted by her own body. 

"Don't be sad, Nina. I find you very attractive, I just don't swing that way," Andrew told her in an attempt to comfort her. 

"Are you saying you're gay?" she asked with a frown.

"Yes," Andrew affirmed. 

"Thanks for telling me," she said appreciatively.

"I shouldn't have to tell you that in order for you not to get sad," Andrew said honestly. "What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't look for men's affirmation so much. You are great just the way you are, no matter if someone is checking you out or not." 

"Thanks, Andrew. I really appreciate you saying that," Nina replied with a sad smile. "I'll wear more appropriate clothes to work, I don't want anyone to think I'm not serious about this job, because I am."

"After all that filing you did today, you can't be anything but serious about this job," Andrew praised. "If you want an idea about what to wear, just look at what Andrea's wearing."

"Maternity clothes?" Nina asked, causing him to laugh. 

"You know what I mean," he said. 

"Dress shirt and pants?" Nina asked. 

"That would be nice. Or a skirt. The skirt you're wearing now is perfectly fine. It's a good length. Just think higher neckline with your tops," Andrew advised as he stopped the car outside her house. 

"Thanks Andrew," Nina told him with a warm smile before exiting the car.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said cheerfully. 

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Nina replied before heading inside her house. 

"There's some food for you on the stove," her mother greeted her once she got through the door. 

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," Nina declined before hurrying up to her room to examine herself in the mirror. Tears filled her eyes as she decided that she needed to lose some weight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :D


	3. The Deal

Nina’s first week of work went by quickly. Too quickly for her liking. It was soon Monday again, and Andrea was on early maternity leave due to her high risk pregnancy, but she had left her number for Nina to call in case of an emergency.

Nina cursed to herself as she struggled to keep up with everything. How would she ever be able to get a hold of this? She had had a full week of training, but was still struggling to get everything right. She was slightly off schedule, so she decided to skip lunch break in order to catch up on work. Tom walked up to her desk during her supposed lunch break and asked her what she was doing.

“I’m trying to catch up on work,” Nina told him truthfully.

“As admirable as that is, I need you to take a break,” Tom told her firmly. “Now,” he added with emphasis as she just kept typing on the computer.

“Fine,” Nina said defeatedly and sighed heavily.

“You need to learn how to prioritise,” Tom concluded. “I’m sure there are things that can wait. You can’t skip lunches, it won’t work out in the long-term.”

“I already ate,” Nina lied.

“When?” Tom questioned skeptically.

“Like fifteen minutes ago,” she said.

“What did you eat?” Tom asked, and Nina frowned slightly as she tried to come up with something quickly. “Nice try,” he said before she had the time to respond. “You’ve been skipping meals a lot lately, is something up?” he asked concernedly.

“No, nothing’s up. I just haven’t been hungry, that’s all,” Nina assured him.

“You’re not on those pills you mentioned, are you?” Tom asked her in a low serious voice. Nina shook her head at him. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Nina said indignantly.

“Then you should probably have less of those energy drinks, they’re probably having a negative effect on your appetite,” Tom reasoned, causing her to snort. That was part of the reason why she was having so many of them, so she wouldn’t feel as hungry and tired.

“Okay,” Nina said shortly, not wanting to argue with him about this yet again.

“You’re not going to stop having them, are you?” Tom said knowingly and sighed as he walked up to stand right behind her. “Let’s go get you some proper lunch,” he decided and logged her out from the computer. Nina sighed soundly and glared at him for a moment before remembering that she ought to act professionally now that she was at work.

“Of course I’ll join you for lunch, mister Hiddleston. Thanks for asking,” she said sarcastically, with emphasis on the word ‘asking’.

“How nice of you to join me, miss Andersson,” Tom replied with an amused look on his face.

Nina reluctantly went out to have lunch with Tom. To his disappointment, she just ordered a salad and sparkling water. He shook his head to himself as she poked around her salad.

“If you don’t eat anything, I’m going to think you actually are on something,” Tom told her.

“Is that a threat?” Nina asked confusedly.

“Not exactly, but let me inform you that as your employer I have a right to demand a drug test from you,” Tom told her seriously.

“That’s a threat,” Nina told him irritably.

“Well, how’s it going to be?” Tom asked her. Nina glared at him for a long moment, suspecting that he may very well go through with his threat if she didn’t eat anything. So she reluctantly began to eat. “Good girl,” Tom told her, causing her to freeze up a bit. His words made her think about those dominance scenes she had found on his computer a few weeks earlier. Did he actually fantasize about dominating her, like those girls in the scenes? After all they did have some unmistakable similarities to herself. Had he completely forgotten about how she knew about that, or was he in fact testing her to see how she would react. Even she had forgotten about his dirty little secret, since work had taken up so much of her attention. But now she remembered.

Nina smiled at him and took another bite of her food. “Thank you Daddy,” she eventually said in a low, innocent voice. He froze up and gave her an incredulous look, before shaking his head at her. Seemingly, he had forgotten about her knowing about his secret desires. She smirked at him in response. “Perhaps we should make a deal,” she proposed victoriously. “You stop nagging me about my eating, and I promise I won’t tell anyone about your little secret. I’ll even stop calling you Daddy from time to time. That is, of course, if you want me to stop it.”

“Damn it, Nina,” Tom muttered under his breath. “Of course I want you to stop it. It’s not funny. I love your mother,” he told her through gritted teeth.

“Sounds like we have a deal then,” Nina concluded and put down her fork.

“Nina,” Tom said seriously. “This is extortion.”

“It’s not,” Nina told him. “It’s a fair deal. You mind your business, and I mind mine.”

Tom sighed and reluctantly held out his hand towards her. “It’s a deal,” he muttered bitterly.

“It sure is,” Nina replied with a victorious grin as she gladly took his hand to seal the deal.

“I’m calling Andrea in to help you learn how to prioritise. You need to take breaks during the day, otherwise this won’t work in the long run,” Tom said insistently as they headed back to the office.

“You don’t have to. Leave the poor woman alone and let her rest for the duration of her pregnancy,” Nina objected.

“It’s not up for debate,” Tom told her firmly. Nina bit her lip slightly. She could never quite get over how hot Tom sounded when he was being firm towards her. It made her think of those scenes she had watched on his computer in his study.

They got back to the office and it was time for Nina to go through some paperwork with Benedict. Like always, when she was about to spend some time alone with Benedict, she made sure to unbutton an extra pair of her shirt buttons to reveal more of her bosom to him. She enjoyed spending time in his company; the sexual tension between them was thrilling.

“So, how was lunch with Tom?” Benedict asked, causing her to smile cryptically in response.

“It was nice, how was lunch with your wife and kids?” Nina asked, feeling slightly jealous at his wife for having him.

“Messy. I had to put on a new shirt,” Benedict laughed, motioning to his clean white shirt. “But it was lovely. I love those little rascals.” Nina couldn’t help but smile at how he did not say that he loved his wife. He probably did, but he didn’t say it.

“So, should we get started?” Nina proposed in a businesslike tone.

“I suppose we should,” Benedict said with a sigh. He was unusually wound up and seemed to have a hard time focusing, because he kept looking at Nina instead of his computer screen.

“What?” Nina asked amusedly, after catching him stare at her for the fifth time.

“What?” Benedict asked innocently.

“Bad Ben. You keep staring at me, it’s distracting,” Nina nagged him playfully.

“Bad Ben,” Benedict snorted in response and crossed his arms. “You’re the one who’s bad here. You’re a bad, bad girl,” he added in a low voice and Nina felt a thrill of excitement run through her body.

“Is that so?” she asked him playfully and got up from her seat. “Did I do something wrong, mister Cumberbatch?” she asked innocently as she approached him.

“Don’t you think I’d notice how you keep showing me your breasts. It’s distracting, miss Andersson,” he told her with a smirk.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nina told him with feigned innocence as she boldly leaned forward, placing a hand on his desk as she looked at his computer screen. Her breasts were now just decimetres away from his eyes. “You do seem distracted, mister Cumberbatch. Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked as she got back up again and went to stand behind him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and massaged them. “Perhaps I should help you relieve some tension,” she whispered suggestively into his ear and could feel him tense up underneath her touch. She smirked as she looked down to see his hard on through his suit pants and wanted to boldly grab it, but stopped herself. Instead she massaged him with a bit more force. “You are very tense, mister Cumberbatch,” she said softly and he mumbled something inaudible in response, seemingly agreeing with her. She moved on to massage the back of his neck and he moaned in response. She could feel some lymph nodes and proceeded to massage them thoroughly. Benedict groaned in pleasure, causing her to smile amusedly to herself. If someone would be standing outside the door eavesdropping, they would probably think he was receiving a blowjob or something like that.

After a long moment of massaging Benedict’s neck and shoulders, Nina finally stopped, causing him to groan disappointedly.

“Why did you stop?” he whined childishly.

“Because I have to work,” Nina told him decidedly. Benedict looked down at his watch and sighed heavily.

“Damn it, you’re right,” he agreed. “And so do I.”

“Yeah, see you later,” Nina said and grabbed her laptop from the table.

“Nina,” Benedict said, causing her to turn around and look at him. “Thanks for the massage. It was very nice of you.”

“You’re welcome, mister Cumberbatch,” Nina replied with a bright smile.

The days went by, and Nina found herself more in control of her job, especially after Andrea turned up and gave her some advice on how to prioritise her tasks. She actually enjoyed working as a secretary, and the daily flirting with Benedict provided her with positive energy. So did her little chats with Andrew, who seemed to care about her well-being. Her interactions with Tom at work were mostly kept brief and professional, though he sometimes expressed his concern about her health. At home, they tended to avoid each other as much as possible. Or at least she tried to avoid him.

“Hey,” Andrew said one day during lunch break. “How about joining me for lunch? I’ll buy,” he offered. Nina smiled at the brown eyed man; he was so different from his colleagues both physically and personality-wise. While Tom and Benedict were both tall and blue eyed, Andrew was short and brown eyed. He was also more moody than his colleagues; when he was happy it was all sun and rainbows, and when he was upset it was all rain and thunder. Nina had grown quite used to his mood swings and learned not to take things personally. Most of the time, Andrew was very sweet and gentle, but sometimes he could be almost brutally honest with her.

“Okay, sure,” Nina agreed happily and got out of her seat by the desk.

“You’ve lost weight,” Andrew commented as they walked out of the office. Nina smiled to herself, regarding it as a great compliment and affirmation that her efforts had not been all in vain.

“Good,” she replied shortly.

“Don’t you go disappearing on me,” Andrew told her concernedly.

“I won’t,” she assured him.

They went to a nearby fancy restaurant for lunch, and Nina ordered her usual salad. She didn’t really have any appetite because of the pills she was taking, but she didn’t want to alarm Andrew, so she forced herself to eat half the salad anyway.

“I had a big breakfast,” she said when he asked if she wasn’t going to eat some more.

“I don’t believe you,” Andrew told her seriously.

“Then don’t believe me,” Nina replied irritably and took a sip from her sparkling water.

“I believe you have a problem,” Andrew continued to push.

“And I believe I don’t,” Nina said.

“Come on, Nina. Talk to me. Are you on something? Diet pills perhaps? Illegal ones?” Andrew asked straightforwardly.

“No, I’m not,” Nina told him angrily.

“So if I were to demand a drug test from you, it would come out empty?” Andrew asked her, causing her heart to sink. Had he been talking to Tom about this?

“It would,” she lied and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I don’t believe you,” Andrew told her honestly. “I won’t demand a drug test from you, so you don’t have to worry about that. But I want you to quit taking whatever it is you’re taking. Can you promise me you will do that?”

“I promise,” Nina said as tears filled her eyes. She knew that she was admitting to drug use by making the promise, but what was the point in lying when Andrew obviously already knew the truth?

“I’m proud of you,” Andrew said and reached across the table to wipe away her tears with his thumb. “Like I’ve said before, you are beautiful just the way you are. You are too good to become a slave to unhealthy ideals. What you’re doing to yourself by taking those pills is not good for your body or your mind.”

“How did you know?” Nina wondered.

“I’ve seen it before,” Andrew replied and gave her a sympathetic look. He carefully placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a squeeze. “I don’t want to see it happen again with you,” he told her earnestly. “So here’s what we’re going to do. In twenty days, you’ll do a drug test. Can you agree to that?”

“Or else I’ll lose my job?” Nina asked despondently.

“If you refuse, I’ll bring it up with my colleagues and we’ll make a decision together on how to proceed,” Andrew informed her. “I’m sorry if you think I’m being too harsh, but this is serious.”

“I understand,” Nina replied and sighed heavily as she prevented more tears from leaving her eyes.

“I care about you, Nina,” Andrew said sincerely. “That’s why I’m being so hard on you. If I didn’t care, I would just let you go on doing whatever you wanted to yourself. But I do care, and that’s why I can’t let you do this.”

“I don’t want to lose my job. It’s important to me,” Nina told him.

“Then let’s make sure you don’t lose it,” Andrew said with an encouraging smile. “I believe in you, Nina.”

Nina spent the rest of the day thinking about hers and Andrew’s conversation. Was there a way around this? Could she somehow keep taking the pills and still come out clean in a drug test? She wasn’t ready to stop taking the pills just yet, she hadn’t lost nearly as much weight as she wanted to. The pills helped her stay alert even when not eating. They helped her not to feel as tired as she always did throughout the days. She needed them to function.

Tom gave her a ride home that day and Nina noticed how he kept looking at her with what seemed like concern.

“What?!” she finally snapped at him, after finding him looking at her for the third time.

“You seem distressed,” Tom said concernedly. “Did something happen?”

Nina snorted at him. “As if you don’t know already,” she muttered irritably. He must have been talking to Andrew about her. He must have.

“I’m afraid I’m not following,” Tom said confusedly.

“You talked to Andrew about me,” she accused.

“I’m still not following. I talk to Andrew about a lot of things,” Tom explained.

“Well, you shouldn’t talk to him about me,” Nina said irritably.

“I’m not sure what I’ve said to make you this upset with me,” Tom told her honestly.

“You told him I did drugs!” she accused angrily.

“I did what?” Tom asked confusedly. “I did no such thing!” he said indignantly.

“Then why the hell did he ask me to take a drug test?” Nina questioned.

“He did that?” Tom asked surprisedly. Nina frowned at him, maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he didn’t have anything to do with it.

“He did,” she said, a bit calmer this time.

“Well, I’m sure you’ve nothing to worry about,” Tom said, looking at her thoughtfully. “Because you’re not doing any drugs, are you?”

“Of course I’m not!” Nina scoffed indignantly. “It’s about integrity.”

“Just take the drug test and prove him wrong,” Tom advised her. “I get that it’s hurtful that he suspects something like that about you, but keep in mind that it’s probably just because he cares about you.” There it was again; Andrew cared about her. Nina sighed heavily. It made her feel so guilty.

As they got home, Nina was about to go straight to her bedroom like she usually did, but her mother’s scream made her run into the living room instead with Tom in tow.

“What’s going on?” Nina asked alarmedly.

“I think I’m going into labour,” her mother said quietly. She was pale and there were drips of sweat running down her forehead.

“Isn’t it too early?” Nina asked concernedly, realising that she had lost track of how far her mother had left before it was time to deliver the baby.

“It’s two weeks early,” Tom informed her as he pulled up his phone. “Helena, do I need to call the ambulance or the delivery ward?”

“The ambulance of course, you idiot! Just look how much pain she’s in!” Nina yelled at him.

“Call the delivery ward and tell them we’re coming in,” Helena said calmly and grimaced in pain. She groaned and clenched her jaw for a little while before regaining her composure. “Don’t forget to bring the bag on the bed. It’s already packed. I packed it this morning when I was beginning to feel the pain.”

"Oh, darling, you should have told me," Tom said as he dialed the number to the delivery ward. 

"I didn't want to worry you in case it was just a false alarm," Helena replied. 

"So you've been in this much pain for hours?" Nina asked and looked at her mother in horror. "I'm never having children."

"The pain will pass," her mother assured her before clenching her teeth again and soundly breathing in through her nose. There was about twenty seconds of silence before she continued speaking. "And something beautiful will come out of it." 

"You're so composed," Nina said admiringly. 

“I just need to listen to my body right now, there's no point fighting the pain, it won't make it go away,” her mother told her. “If you ever find yourself in intensive pain, just accept it rather than trying to fight it. It’ll be there nonetheless.”

"Can I do anything to help?" Nina asked. Her mother raised her hand in a motion for her to wait as she breathed heavily again. 

"You can get the bag from upstairs and a couple of towels to put in the car seat in case the water breaks in the car," Helena instructed. 

Nina ran upstairs and got the things before running back downstairs. Tom smiled at her as he was helping her mother walk out to the car. She opened the car door and put down the towels in the passenger seat. Then she placed the bag in the backseat. 

"Are you coming with us?" Tom asked. 

"I don’t know. Wouldn't it be weird?" Nina asked. She hadn't really considered tagging along.

"I want you to come with us," her mother requested. 

"Are you sure?" Nina asked insecurely. 

"I'm sure. I want you to be a part of this," Helena said. 

"Are you okay with it?" Nina asked Tom. 

"Of course, just get in the car already," Tom assured her with a smile. 

Nina felt nervous as she sat in the back of the car, it didn’t move fast enough. Her mother was in pain and there was nothing she could do about it. Once they finally reached the hospital, she helped her mother get inside while Tom parked the car. She followed her all the way into the delivery room where a nurse pointed at a chair for her to sit in while her mother got changed into a hospital gown.

“Actually, I’m not sure if I’m staying, the father is on his way,” Nina objected.

“Nina, you’re staying,” her mother told her decidedly as she climbed up on the hospital bed.

“If you want to,” Tom added from the door opening.

“No, she’s staying,” Helena insisted from the hospital bed. “Please, Nina, stay. I promise it will be worth your while.”

“Okay, I’ll stay,” Nina agreed.

It was worth her while. With the help of some nitrous oxide, Helena even managed to smile widely through the pain. Nina found it assuring and she found her mother to be so brave in the face of the intense pain that she was going through. Especially towards the end of labour when it was time to push and Helena roared into the mask. Tears ran down Nina’s face as she squeezed her mother’s hand. She glanced over at Tom who was on the opposite side of the head of the bed, holding her mother’s other hand. He looked pale and he was close to tears. After the final push, there was a magical moment. The baby was out, and it was crying loudly. It was a healthy baby boy.

“Who wants to cut the umbilical cord?” the delivery nurse asked gleefully.

“He should do it, he’s the father,” Nina said and pointed to Tom whose eyes overflowed with tears at the sight of his wished-for son.

“And you’re his big sister,” Helena interjected calmly. “I think you both should do it.”

“Are you okay with that?” Nina asked Tom, who nodded wordlessly in response. They both reached for the scissor and somehow managed to cut the umbilical cord together. Then it was time for the baby to lie down by his mother’s breast. Nina felt a bit awkward at first, now that her mother’s breasts were out. She didn’t really know where to look.

“Ah, don’t be ridiculous, Nina,” her mother said once she noticed how uncomfortable she was. “You’re going to see a whole lot more of my breasts around the house when I breastfeed your little brother. It’s only natural. It’s what breasts are for,” Helena reasoned. She had gotten back the colour on her cheeks now, and seemed surprisingly alert for someone who had just given birth.

“She’s right you know,” Tom agreed, and rested his head against the bed so he was face to face with his little son. He put his finger out towards the baby and the baby instinctively grabbed it with his tiny hand. “He just grabbed my finger,” Tom said in amazement. Nina smiled at the new father’s excitement, and made sure to take some pictures to capture this beautiful moment.

“Thank you for letting me be here with you for this,” Nina told her mother as Tom was busy nuzzling with the baby.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” her mother said happily. “I want you to be a big part of your little brother’s life despite the age difference between you two, and I think this is the perfect start, don’t you?”

“It is,” Nina agreed happily. “What are you going to call him?”

“William. It’s Tom’s middle name, and as you already know, Tom loves Shakespeare,” Helena told her gleefully. “You should hold your little brother,” she offered and held out the baby towards Nina.

“Shouldn’t Tom hold him first?” Nina asked.

“Go ahead,” Tom assured her.

“How do I hold him? I don’t want to break him,” Nina wondered as she hesitantly reached out for the baby.

“You won’t break him, silly. Just make sure to support his neck and head, just like that. Perfect,” Helena instructed as Nina held the tiny baby boy in her hands.

“He’s so small,” Nina said emotionally.

“Talk to him,” Helena encouraged.

“Hi William. It’s Nina, your big sister,” Nina told the baby with a big smile on her face. “I love you so very, very much. You’re so beautiful. Oh, yes you are. I love you, I love you, I love you.” She held the baby for a little moment before handing him over to Tom. She shared a smile with her mother as they both watched Tom interact with the baby. He spoke in a brighter tone of voice than usual and said all kinds of cute things to baby William.

Nina momentarily forgot all about her troubles now that the baby had stolen all of her attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it!


	4. Discipline

Nina kept working hard at the office, but couldn’t find a way to quit taking the pills. When she tried not to take them, she became so tired that she just wanted to cry and go to sleep. Every day, she thought that this time would be the last. But the days went by, and the date for her drug test was approaching at an alarming speed. She wasn’t going to make it. There was no way.

With a heavy heart she knocked on Andrew’s office door to come clean about her failure. As she entered the office, her eyes filled with tears and she began to cry uncontrollably. Andrew walked up to her and put his arms around her, letting her cry against his shoulder.

“Do you need help to quit?” Andrew asked when she finally managed to stop crying. She nodded wordlessly. “You thought you had it under control,” he continued and she nodded again. “I’ll help you,” he said.

“Thank you,” Nina mumbled gratefully.

“It’s not going to be easy though,” Andrew said in a businesslike tone as he walked up to his desk. “And I won’t go easy on you,” he added as he took something out of his drawer. Nina frowned slightly once she saw what it was. A thick wooden ruler.

“What’s that for?” she asked confusedly and swallowed nervously as she watched him approach with it in his hands.

“To judge by the look on your face, I think you know exactly what it’s for,” Andrew told her seriously.

“Are you going to hit me with it?” she asked incredulously.

“I’m planning to strike you with it. But only if you agree to it. I’m not looking to assault you, but discipline you,” Andrew said like it was no big deal. Nina felt the blood rush to her cheeks and covered her mouth with her cold hand as she stared at him. Was this some kind of a joke? “It’s not a joke,” he informed her, as though he had just read her mind.

“Isn’t this illegal?” she questioned with a frown.

“Not if I have your consent,” Andrew told her matter of factly.

“Isn’t this extortion?” she asked hopefully.

“Extortion?” he snorted and frowned as he looked at her. “I would call it an act of mercy. Most people would have fired you the moment they found out about you doing drugs. I gave you plenty of time to become clean, yet you didn’t. I’m not threatening you in any way, but am simply presenting you with a choice; either you accept being disciplined by me, or I’ll bring this whole ordeal up with my colleagues and we’ll take it from there. Take note that I’m not threatening to fire you,” he told her in a serious tone.

“But the result of you talking to your colleagues about this will be that I lose my job,” Nina objected dejectedly.

“You don’t know that for sure. Tom is your stepfather and Ben is obviously very fond of you,” Andrew told her. “We could always talk to them and see what they say.”

“No, let’s not,” Nina said and bit her lip nervously as she looked at the wooden ruler in his hand. “Where exactly would you hit me with that?”

“On your knuckles or your bottom. It’s your choice,” Andrew informed her.

“How many strikes?” Nina asked, wanting to make an informed decision.

“Ten on the knuckles or twenty five on the bottom,” he replied, talking as though the administration of corporal punishment was the most natural thing in the world.

“The knuckles then,” Nina decided.

“Are you sure? It hurts a lot,” Andrew warned her.

“I’m sure,” Nina told him and held out her right hand.

“Is that your dominant hand?” Andrew asked and she nodded. “Then hold out your left hand,” he instructed. Nina held out her left hand instead with her knuckles facing upwards. “Are you sure about this? You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

“I know, and I’m sure. Just get it over with already,” Nina said confidently and shut her eyes, bracing herself for the pain. As the wooden ruler came in contact with her knuckles, she cried in pain. It hurt a lot more than she had imagined it would. She grabbed her left hand with her right one and winced. After a moment she let go of her hand and looked at it to examine the damage. Her knuckles were red and slightly swollen, but that was all.

“Are you still sure you want to take it on the knuckles?” Andrew questioned as he watched her thoughtfully.

“I don’t have to take anything off, do I?” Nina asked, seriously considering letting him spank her instead.

“You can keep your clothes on,” Andrew assured her.

“Okay,” Nina said with a heavy sigh after a moment’s thought. “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this, but I am,” she muttered.

“Alright then, bend over and put your hands on the desk,” Andrew instructed her calmly. Nina slowly followed his instructions and again shut her eyes as she mentally prepared herself for the pain to come. She gasped in pain as the first strike with the ruler landed across her buttocks. It hurt, a lot, but not nearly as much as it had on the knuckles. She breathed in sharply through the nose through the next five strikes. By the time she reached ten strikes, she clenched her teeth. By fifteen, she clenched her fists against the desk and thought about her mother’s words about accepting rather than fighting pain. By twenty strikes, Nina began to whimper. As they finally reached twenty two, Andrew stopped striking her. “Are you okay?” he asked and she got up. She sniffled, but nodded at him in response. She felt very emotional and in need of comfort, which he seemed to realise because he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry against his shoulder again.

When she eventually stopped crying, Andrew gently wiped the tears off her face with his thumbs. She leaned into his tender touch and he softly caressed her cheeks.

“Are you going to be alright? Are you good to continue working or do you want to leave for the day?” he asked concernedly.

“I want to keep working,” Nina said determinedly.

“Okay, let me know if you change your mind,” Andrew said.

“Okay. Was that all?” Nina asked hopefully. Andrew smiled knowingly and held out his hand towards her.

“Give me all the pills you have on you,” he instructed firmly.

“They’re in my purse,” she objected.

“Then go get it and give them to me,” he told her, rolling his eyes at her.

“What are you going to do with them?” Nina asked anxiously.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he said teasingly.

“I could give them back to my supplier,” she suggested.

“You mean sell them back. So he or she in turn can sell them to some other poor soul?” Andrew scoffed. “Really, are you a drug dealer now as well, Nina?”

“No, I mean… I was just thinking, if you were going to throw them away anyway... They’re expensive,” she mumbled embarrassedly. “I’ll give them to you.”

“Good girl,” Andrew replied with a smirk. “And tomorrow I want you to give me everything you have stored at home.”

“I will,” Nina agreed reluctantly. She went out of his office and came back a few minutes later with her purse. He looked at her expectantly and her hand was trembling as she took out the pills and placed them in his outstretched hand. She felt like crying as she watched him put them in his pocket. She needed them.

The day went on as usual, except for the pain in her buttocks when she sat down. Nina tried to stay on her feet as much as possible for the rest of the day.

When she was in Benedict’s office he was flirting with her as usual, and she found herself almost excruciatingly turned on when he playfully slapped her bottom. It was the first time he had ever done that and she knew that she should probably be upset about it. But she wasn’t, quite the opposite actually. She liked it, a lot. She found herself seating herself in Benedict’s lap and amiably wrapped her arms around his neck. When she felt him tense up underneath her, she smirked. She leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“I’ve been such a bad girl lately, you have no idea,” she confessed.

“Is that so?” he asked in a low voice.

“Oh yes, very, very bad,” Nina continued to whisper seductively. Benedict grabbed her rather roughly by the hair and she smirked at him in response. She liked it. He kissed her lustfully and she instantly deepened the kiss. They made out until they were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. Benedict quickly pushed her off his lap, causing her to land on her bottom on the floor. It hurt, but she couldn’t help but laugh heartily at his instinctive reaction of just throwing her away like that. She found it adorable. Like a child getting caught doing something it knew it shouldn’t be doing.

The door opened and Nina looked up to see who it was. It was Tom.

“What happened?” he asked frowningly as he watched her get up from the floor.

“She fell,” Benedict replied rather quickly and turned to look at Nina with feigned concern. “Are you alright, Nina?” This caused her to laugh even harder.

“I’m fine, Ben,” she managed to say. “I’ll leave you two alone then,” she added and made her way out of the office.

“You look happier now,” Andrew commented as he locked his office door.

“I am,” Nina smiled at him.

“That’s good,” Andrew said gleefully. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Nina replied happily before resuming her seat by the desk. She grimaced slightly at the pain in her backside as it came in contact with the chair.

“Does it hurt a lot?” Tom asked from just outside Benedict’s office door. Nina looked up at him in shock. Did he know?

“I’m sorry, what?” she asked confusedly.

“You made a face as you sat down just now, did you hurt yourself when you fell?” Tom asked concernedly.

“Oh, yes. Yes, I hurt myself when I fell,” Nina agreed keenly.

“That’s unfortunate,” Tom commented and looked at her expectantly. “Are you coming?”

“Is the day already over?” Nina asked confusedly.

“Yeah, it’s half past five,” Tom informed her.

“Right, I must have lost track of time,” Nina replied.

“Are you okay?” Tom asked concernedly.

“Yeah, why are you asking?” Nina said with a slightly frown.

“You seem distracted today,” he said.

“I suppose I am a little distracted. I’m tired, Tom,” she replied truthfully. “Very tired.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re not eating enough,” he suggested.

“Oh, shut up, daddy,” she replied irritably, causing him to scowl at her.

“Do you want to walk home?” he asked irritably.

“I suppose I could use the exercise,” she retorted.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Come on,” he said. Nina smiled and followed him out to the car. She was still in control of at least something in her life. By doing something as simple as calling Tom daddy, she had stopped him from nagging her about her eating habits.

The drive home was silent except for the music playing on the radio. Nina felt sexually frustrated as she sat there and squirmed in the passenger seat. The aching feeling in her backside caused a warmth to spread between her legs and lower abdomen. She wanted to get laid so badly. She glanced over at Tom and sighed at how painfully attractive he was. Why couldn't he be more relaxed and flirtatious like Benedict? Why did he have to be so damn uptight all the time?

“Have you always been like this?” Nina asked irritably after a long moment of silence.

“Like what?” Tom asked and glanced over at her from the steering wheel.

“Uptight,” she replied sighingly, causing him to smile at her.

“I’m not uptight,” he objected. “I’m serious when it comes to my job, but other than that I would say I’m pretty relaxed and easygoing,” he told her, causing her to laugh.

“You? Relaxed and easygoing?” she snorted. “Yeah right.”

“I’m not uptight,” Tom insisted and loosened his tie with one hand as if that would make him seem more relaxed.

“Let’s do something fun then,” Nina suggested.

“Alright then. What do you like to do for fun?” Tom asked her.

“Sex is fun,” Nina replied cheekily, causing him to sigh heavily.

“And other than that?” Tom asked, clearly holding back his annoyance.

“I suppose we could play Mario Party or something,” Nina suggested with a shrug. “It’s not as fun as sex, but at least it’s something.”

“Would you please stop talking to me about sex?” Tom requested earnestly. “I’m your stepfather, it’s weird.”

“Not weirder than the stuff I found on your computer,” Nina retorted. Tom pulled the car over to the side of the road and dramatically pulled it into a stop. He glared at her angrily.

“I thought we had a deal,” he told her irritably.

“We do,” Nina assured him, feeling a bit uneasy by how upset he got. He seemed more hurt than angry. She didn’t want to hurt him.

“Then don’t bring it up whenever you feel like it,” Tom told her firmly.

“I’m sorry, I won’t,” Nina promised. It was a hard promise to keep, but she would try to keep it from now on. After all, her aim was to tease, not to upset him.

Once they got back home, Nina was about to head upstairs to her room like usual, but Tom stopped her by grabbing her arm.

“Help with dinner,” he told her. “Your mother needs to rest and I need to take William.”

“Can I order something?” Nina asked with a sigh.

“You always do that when it’s your turn to cook. Just cook something for once,” Tom said.

“But I can’t cook,” she called after him as he headed into the living room where Helena and baby William were.

“Then it’s about time you learn,” he replied.

Nina sighed and looked through the fridge for something to cook. That’s when she came up with the grand idea of calling Jim. He sure knew how to cook, and he was always up for sex. That would be perfect. She called him and he said yes.

“We’re having a guest over for dinner,” Nina announced with a smile as she entered the living room.

“Who?” Helena asked from where she was sitting on the sofa, breastfeeding baby William. Like Tom had said, she did look tired.

“Jim. He’ll teach me how to cook,” Nina replied gleefully.

“Why don’t you leave that poor boy alone. He’s obviously infatuated with you,” Tom remarked.

“We’re friends with benefits, so it’s not like I leave him empty handed. I just don’t want to be his girlfriend, that’s all,” Nina said with a shrug.

“You keep getting his hopes up every time you call him over like this,” Tom criticised.

“It’s not like I’m forcing him to say yes. He can always say no if he doesn’t want to do it,” Nina replied irritably.

“You’re using him,” Tom told her.

“He’s using me as much as I’m using him,” she objected.

“No, the difference is that you’re not in love with him, but he’s clearly in love with you,” Tom argued. He was right. Jim had professed his love to her on several occasions. 

“Do you think I’m using Jim, mom?” Nina asked her mother.

Helena looked up from her baby and smiled at her oldest daughter. “I think he’s old enough to make his own decisions. You can hardly be blamed for not loving him back.”

“Thank you, mom,” Nina said appreciatively and made a face at Tom before leaving the living room.

Soon, Jim arrived at the house with fresh ingredients for a fish dish that Nina loved. As always, he was very polite to Tom and Helena. He even brought Helena some flowers and a little stuffed animal for William. Nina smiled at him as she put the flowers in a vase. He truly would have been the perfect boyfriend if only she had been in love with him. But sadly, she wasn’t. She had tried to make herself fall in love with him throughout their years of friendship, but it didn’t seem to work that way. It felt wrong and ingenuine. While she wasn’t in love with Jim, she was still physically attracted to him.

The dinner went smoothly and when Nina and Jim had finally cleaned up the dishes, they hurried upstairs to her room. They made out and soon undressed each other on the bed. She was straddling Jim and moved his hands to touch her sore ass. He massaged it roughly, causing her to moan with pleasure. As the changed position, Jim’s eyes widened in shock at the sight of the redness and the bruises she had on her ass.

“What happened?” he asked her confusedly. “Did someone hit you?”

“I did it myself,” Nina lied with a smirk as she leaned down to kiss his plump lips. “I liked it. Maybe you could try spanking me some time.”

“Maybe I will,” he replied playfully and brought her in for another kiss. They had sex twice during the course of the evening.

“You need to go now,” Nina announced once she had been satisfied sexually. She didn’t really feel like spending the night being cuddled by Jim. She needed some space. “I need to get up early for work tomorrow,” she added as she saw the disappointed look on his face.

“I could give you a ride,” he offered hopefully as he remained on the bed, watching her get dressed.

“I already have a ride. I’m Tom’s secretary, remember?” she reminded him.

“Right,” Jim said with a sigh and rolled out of bed to get his clothes back on.

“Could you do me a favour?” Nina requested.

“Sure,” Jim agreed, not even knowing what it was that she wanted him to do.

Nina held out a bag of pills towards him. “Could you keep those safe for me?”

Jim’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of the pills. “What is this?”

“It’s just ephedrine, Jim. It’s not like I’m a drug addict,” she assured him breezily. Jim quickly put the bag of pills in his pocket.

“I’ll keep them safe for you,” he promised.

“Thank you, Jim. You are the best,” Nina said with a smile and rewarded him with another kiss. “Now go,” she laughed and playfully slapped his bottom. He grinned at her before leaving her bedroom.

Nina gave a deep sigh and threw herself on the bed once Jim was out of the house and she could hear him start his car. There was a knock on the door, and she found herself smiling widely as Tom came inside with her little brother in his arms.

“William wanted to say hi to his big sister,” Tom said as he handed the baby over to her. She smiled as she took the baby in her arms and spoke softly to him.

Tom frowned slightly at the sight of a pill on the floor and bent down to pick it up.

“What’s this?” he demanded angrily, holding out the pill towards her.

“I have no idea, Jim must have dropped it when he was here,” Nina said defensively.

“As if Jim would ever do drugs,” Tom snorted and glared at her. “Don’t you even try blaming this on him,” he warned her when she was about to object.

“But it’s not mine. I’ve no idea how it got there,” Nina insisted.

“So if I were to search your room, I wouldn’t find any more of these?” Tom questioned, reaching for her purse where she had put the rest of the pills in order to give to Andrew the following day.

“Wait!” she said urgently, making him pause in the process of opening the zipper to her purse. “You’re right, Tom. It’s mine,” she confessed.

“I thought you said you passed the drug test,” Tom said disappointedly and sat down on the bed next to her, still with her purse in his hands. He thought she had already done the drug test a few days after she had first told him about it, since it was standard procedure to administer a drug test without more than a day or two’s notice.

“I did. I stopped taking them,” Nina told him keenly, which was kind of true. Or, she was planning on quitting, starting tomorrow.

“If you’re not taking them anymore, you surely don’t mind that I confiscate them,” Tom said, proceeding to open her purse.

“No!” Nina said panickedly and reached for the purse, but Tom held it out of her reach. She needed to give them to Andrew. “Wait!” she said desperately as he reached into her purse and pulled out a zip bag of white pills.

“What is this?” he asked her seriously and put the pill he had found on the floor into the zip lock bag.

“It’s…” Nina hesitated for a moment.

“Ephedrine,” Tom finished for her. “I remember your little slipup a couple of weeks ago. I was naïve to think that you would never actually bring drugs into my house when you know perfectly well how I feel about those things.”

“Right,” Nina said, feeling deeply ashamed as she recalled how Tom had lost one of his closest friends to addiction. “I’m sorry about your friend,” she told him genuinely.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” Tom replied seriously. “Not this time, Nina. I’ve been letting you get away with a lot of things, but with drugs, I draw the line.”

“Are you going to throw me out?” Nina asked dismayfully and tears formed in her eyes.

“If you don’t quit taking those pills, I will,” Tom confirmed.

“I’ve already quit,” Nina insisted.

“Really?” Tom asked skeptically. “So if you have a drug test tomorrow, it’ll come out clean?”

Nina looked at him for a long moment before answering in a whisper. “No, it won’t.” She knew this was not the time to lie to him. If she got caught in a lie, he may very well have thrown her out of the house right there and then. Drugs were clearly not something he took lightly.

“Did you cheat the drug test?” Tom questioned, crossing his arms. Nina swallowed nervously and looked at his wide spread legs as he sat there next to her on the bed. He looked distractingly hot. She nearly forgot all about the little baby in her arms until he cooed at her. She smiled sadly at William in her arms and kissed the top of his head.

“I should probably hand him over to his mother, he’s getting hungry,” Tom said as he pocketed the bag of pills and reached out for the baby who was sucking his little thumb. “Don’t you go anywhere, I’ll be right back,” Tom warned her before heading out the door.

Nina remained seated on the bed and stared blankly at the wall in front of her until Tom came back.

“So did you cheat the drug test?” he asked straightforwardly and slumped down next to her on the bed.

“I didn’t do any drug test,” she admitted.

“I thought you said Andrew had told you to take one,” he asked confoundedly.

“He did. But then he said it could wait. He gave me a chance to quit first,” Nina explained, feeling ashamed to admit her failure. “He’s helping me quit, which is why I have to give him the pills tomorrow. He needs to see that I’m committed to change.”

“He’s helping you quit?” Tom asked skeptically. “And how exactly is he doing that?” Nina blushed slightly. She couldn’t really tell him about the spanking she had received at Andrew’s office earlier that day.

“I don’t really know yet. The first step is confiscating my pills, I guess,” Nina told him with a shrug.

“I’ll talk to him about it. You need to see a doctor,” Tom said decidedly.

“A doctor? Why?” Nina frowned.

“To check up on your health, of course. And to see if you can quit cold turkey or if you need to scale it down first. You might need a prescription for diazepam to help with the abstinence,” Tom explained. Nina looked at him with surprise. She had never even considered that it might not be good for her health to just quit taking the pills.

"You're not going to tell mom about this, are you?" she asked uneasily. Tom looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and she got a pleading look in her eyes. "Please." 

"I suppose that if you stop taking the pills starting right now, there won't be much to tell her about. We all make mistakes and I'm willing to give you a second chance," he told her.

"Thank you, Tom," Nina said appreciatively. She felt grateful towards him for agreeing not to tell her mother about this. Her mother had enough on her plate as it was, with the baby taking up most of her time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Attitude Adjustment

Following day, Tom walked with Nina into Andrew’s office. She stared down at the floor uncomfortably as Tom stood tall beside her. 

“Nina, Tom. To what do I owe this pleasure?” Andrew asked them rather cheerfully from his seat behind the desk. Nina bit her lip nervously. She didn't like this at all. 

"He knows," she mumbled.

"So you told him. That’s great," Andrew said gleefully. "I don’t like keeping secrets if I don’t have to." 

“Ben still doesn’t know about it,” Nina informed him.

"Ah, I see," Andrew replied. 

"She needs to see a doctor," Tom said decidedly and Andrew nodded agreeingly.

"I already spoke to doctor Freeman. He can see her tonight," Andrew explained. Doctor Freeman was the company's doctor. Nina had never met him, but she had heard about him from the other employers. He was known to be quite sarcastic and brutally honest. She did not look forward to seeing him. She wanted compassion, not brutal honesty and sarcasm. 

"I could see my own doctor about this," Nina suggested, thinking about how she wanted her doctor to change her mind and give her central stimulants for her ADD again. Like the ephedrine, they helped her function and get through the day. 

"No, you're seeing the company doctor," Tom decided. "You can do the annual health control while you're there." 

"But I would much rather see my o-" Nina began to say but Tom interrupted her. 

"You're hardly in any position to negotiate. It's been decided," he said firmly. 

"What he said," Andrew agreed when Nina looked to him for support. 

Hours later, Nina found herself in doctor Freeman's office. He was slightly shorter than her, had grey-blue eyes, grey hair, was in his late forties and had the attitude of someone who was tired of their job. A couple of minutes into her visit Nina decided that he was a condescending asshole. 

“So you're addicted to ephedrine,” he said right after they had introduced themselves. “Do you want to look pretty for the boys?” Nina stared at him in disbelief. Was he for real?

“I’m not addicted,” she objected.

“And I’m the president of the United States,” he said dismissively. There it was, the reputable sarcasm. “For how long have you been taking ephedrine?” he asked her.

“For about five weeks,” Nina mumbled.

“On a daily basis?” doctor Freeman asked. She nodded. “I heard you were trying to quit. How come that didn’t work out for you?”

“I became really tired,” Nina replied dejectedly.

“Alright, so decreased energy then. When you didn’t take the pills, did you also experience any of the following symptoms; nausea, vomiting, headaches, dizziness, shakiness, diarrhea, depression or irritability?” he questioned.

“I became nauseous, dizzy, shaky, irritable and I suppose it made me feel more depressed than usual,” Nina replied uncomfortably.

“That’s what we call withdrawal symptoms, young lady. Congratulations, you are now officially addicted to ephedrine,” doctor Freeman said sarcastically as he typed something on his computer.

“I’m not addicted,” Nina objected stubbornly.

“Yes, Nina, you are,” doctor Freeman insisted. “Don’t be an idiot. I hate it when smart people act like idiots.”

“I don’t act like an idiot,” Nina protested, dismissing the fact that he had just given her a compliment by referring to her as a smart person.

“Yes, you are. Denying what’s right in front of your eyes is idiotic,” doctor Freeman said frustratedly. “Leave the idiocy to the real idiots. Admit that you’re addicted to ephedrine, or I won’t help you,” he demanded.

“What?” Nina asked incredulously. What kind of childish bullshit was this?

“You heard me. Go on, or I’ll label you as uncooperative,” doctor Freeman said. “Denial won’t get you clean.”

“Fine,” Nina said reluctantly. “I’m addicted to ephedrine.”

“Good girl. Now it’s time for your physical examination, I need you to remove your clothes for me. Everything except for the undergarments,” doctor Freeman said. Nina felt the colour drain from her face. He couldn’t be serious. “Go on,” he urged her on when she just sat there on the chair staring at him.

“I’d rather not,” she said after a moment of pressing silence.

“Come on, Nina. I’m just trying to do my job here. I’m always thorough with physical examinations so I don’t miss anything,” he told her.

“Can I come back some other day, I’m really tired, doctor Freeman,” Nina requested, earning an almost sympathetic look from the man before her.

“I’m not completely unreasonable, no matter what people might say about me,” doctor Freeman replied. “I really do need to listen to your heart, but you can come back tomorrow for the physical examination.”

“Thank you,” Nina said appreciatively as she tried to prevent the tears from overflowing her eyes. Perhaps he was a decent man after all.

“Your pulse is a bit faster than it should be, so I’m going to prescribe you Diazepam. It’ll help with the anxiety you might be experiencing as well,” he said and raised a warning finger at her. “But don’t you dare become addicted to those too, because then I don’t know what I might do with you.” Nina eagerly nodded at him. Of course she wasn’t going to become addicted. Again. “Only take as much as I prescribe you, and try to avoid max dose if you can.” She nodded at him again.

“How did it go?” Tom asked as she got into the car with him. He had been parked outside of doctor Freeman’s home office during her visit there.

“It went alright, I suppose. He wanted me to come back tomorrow after work,” Nina informed him.

“I see. I’ll give you a ride then,” Tom replied. “Did he prescribe you anything?”

“Diazepam, just like you said he might,” Nina told him.

“Then we’ll go to a pharmacy on the way home,” he said. “I think we should keep them in the medicine cabinet with all the other medications. We could tell your mom it’s for anxiety if she sees them.”

“Are you afraid I’m going to become addicted to them,” Nina snorted, as though the mere thought was ridiculous.

“It’s benzodiazepines, they’re highly addictive,” Tom told her.

“I’ve heard about benzo,” Nina replied before finding the common sense to bite her tongue. She had been about to add ‘but I’ve never tried them before.’

“Of course you have,” Tom said disapprovingly and sighed as he shook his head at her. Nina bit her lip slightly as she glanced at him. Why did he have to be so hot, and why could he not be more like Benedict was towards her?

When they got home, Nina rushed upstairs to her room. She locked the door and undressed until she was only in her underwear. She examined herself in the mirror and grimaced slightly at the bruises still visible on her bottom. She tried on different pairs of panties until she found a pair that covered most of her buttocks; she was going to wear them for the physical examination. She would have been mortified if doctor Freeman had seen the bruises, because of course he would realise what had caused them.

Following day, Nina found herself even more tired than the day before. She had increased her intake of energy drinks again since she had stopped taking ephedrine. She felt irritable as well. When Andrew asked her to reschedule a meeting for him, she snapped at him to do it himself.

“Excuse me?” Andrew asked incredulously.

“I told you to reschedule your damn meeting yourself,” Nina muttered irritably. She was stressed out, it was hard to keep up with all the tasks. Especially now that she had gone back to her usual tired state.

“Last I checked, that was your job,” Andrew told her.

“Last I checked, you were not handicapped, so you can do it yourself,” Nina replied irritably.

“My office, now,” Andrew ordered her through gritted teeth.

“Fine,” she muttered and got up from her seat, angrily following him into his office. Once they got inside, Andrew locked the door and crossed his arms as he looked at her disapprovingly.

“Did you just use the term handicapped as a slur?” he questioned angrily.

“No,” she denied stubbornly.

“I believe you just did,” he said sternly. “And I don’t appreciate that kind of talk. We’re an inclusive workplace and I can’t have you go around saying those kinds of things just because you’re in a bad mood.”

“Fine,” Nina muttered irritably. She felt ashamed, but didn’t want to admit it.

“I think you need an attitude adjustment,” he said decidedly. Nina just looked at him defiantly. “Okay, that settles it,” Andrew said and walked up to his desk where he sat down in his chair. “Get over my lap.”

Nina glared darkly at him as she walked up to stand beside him. She hesitated for a moment and was soon pulled down over his knee.

“This time I’m going to spank you until I think you’ve had enough,” Andrew informed her sternly and gave her a hard slap across the bottom. Nina stubbornly bit her lip and shut her eyes tightly as she was determined not to let it show how much it actually hurt. She felt a sense of panic when he moved from the middle of her buttocks, down towards her upper thighs, where her sit spots were. Doctor Freeman might see the marks.

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly and moved her hands back to cover her bottom.

“You should have thought about that before you decided to speak to me the way you did,” Andrew told her strictly as he grabbed her hands and moved them up towards her lower back.

“Please, don’t spank my thighs. Doctor Freeman might see,” she pleaded.

“So that’s your main concern? That doctor Freeman might see the marks?” Andrew questioned as he paused to look at her.

“No, I really am sorry,” Nina insisted, looking back at him pleadingly.

“I don’t believe you,” Andrew replied and proceeded to undo the zipper on Nina’s skirt with his free hand.

“What are you doing?” Nina asked alarmedly.

“I’m making sure you don’t get any marks or bruises that doctor Freeman might see,” Andrew replied and pulled down her skirt. “I’m going to continue spanking you until I think you’ve had enough, but I won’t do it where your panties can’t cover it up,” he informed her.

“Thank you,” Nina mumbled. She still felt angry and actually didn’t mind the pain all that much. She clenched her teeth to withstand the pain in her buttocks as Andrew continued to spank her hard. It hurt a lot. But at the same time it gave her something else to focus on than her own anger. As she reached her limit, she began to feel sad. “Please,” she finally whimpered, and Andrew immediately stopped at the sound of her pitiful voice.

“Do you feel better now?” he asked to her surprise. How could he know that the spanking had made her feel less angry? She got up from his lap and pulled up her skirt, feeling on the verge of tears. Andrew stood up and gave her a hug, and she hugged him back, hard. “Are you okay to work?” he asked when they finally parted. Nina blinked away the tears in her eyes and nodded at him. She was actually fine. “Good. Could you reschedule the meeting for me?”

“Of course,” she replied with a small smile.

Nina found herself squirming in her seat by her desk as she went on with her tasks. The pain in her bottom was distracting, but she managed to do her job with more ease than she had before the spanking. When it was time to serve Benedict his coffee, she felt ridiculously turned on. In ordinary fashion, she opened three more buttons on her tight dress shirt, showing off her breasts. She knocked on the door and got inside.

“I’ve got some coffee for you, mister Cumberbatch,” she said sweetly. He grinned at her from his seat behind the desk and indiscreetly stared at her chest. As always, she felt flattered and got a kick out of his appreciative looks.

“Thank you, miss Andersson,” he said appreciatively and his smile widened as she boldly sat down in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and looked her in the eyes.

“I’ve got a problem that I think maybe you can help me with, mister Cumberbatch,” she said softly and guided his hand to touch her between the legs. “I’m really horny and it’s distracting me from doing my work.”

“And you’re a really bad girl, distracting me from mine,” Benedict replied, but didn’t remove his hand from between her legs. “I suppose I could help you out, but you’ll owe me one,” he added and proceeded to touch her through the fabric of her panties. “Oh, you’re soaking wet, you naughty, naughty girl,” he said as he became less gentle in stroking her pussy and rubbing her clit. Nina bit her lip to suppress a loud moan from escaping her. She wrapped her arms around Benedict’s head and guided his face towards her breasts. He used his free hand to massage one of her breasts and playfully nibble the nipple of the other. Nina’s entire body was shivering as she was brought into a powerful orgasm. She let a soft moan escape her lips and grabbed Benedict’s hair rather roughly before letting it go. She looked down to find him grinning up at her. “Did you come?” he asked delightfully as she got off his lap.

“Mhm,” Nina replied happily and adjusted her clothes. She buttoned the three buttons again, and smiled warmly at Benedict. She leaned in and kissed him gently. “I owe you one,” she whispered into his ear before quickly leaving his office. She could hear him laugh as the door shut behind her.

“You look happy,” Andrew commented with a smile as he shut his own office door behind him.

“I am,” Nina replied gleefully.

“Join me for an early lunch?” he requested.

“I suppose I could move some things around,” she replied and walked up to log out from her computer.

“So no hard feelings about before?” Andrew asked and looked at her searchingly.

“No hard feelings,” Nina assured him with a smile.

The day went more smoothly from there on. That was, until it was time for the doctor’s appointment. Nina reluctantly got out of the car and into doctor Freeman’s office. It was finally time for the much dreaded physical examination.

As she stood there in her underwear, Nina tried to cover herself up as much as possible.

“I’ll try to be quick,” doctor Freeman assured her. He looked at her spine, which had mild scoliosis, and examined all visible birthmarks. “We could have this one removed, if you like,” he said, pointing to a particularly big mole on her hip.

“Sure,” Nina agreed, jumping at the chance of finally having it removed. It had bothered her for years and sometimes it chafed when she wore certain clothes like tight high waisted jeans. She felt a bit better about the whole ordeal that the physical examination entailed. That was until doctor Freeman began talking about her weight.

“Could you please step up on the scale for me?” he requested while she still was in her underwear.  
“I’d rather not,” she replied.

“You have to,” the doctor said firmly.

“Otherwise you’ll label me uncooperative?” she snorted.

“That’s right,” doctor Freeman replied with a bitter smile. “If you don’t want to see the numbers, you can step on the scale backwards.”

“The problem is that I don’t want you to look at the numbers,” Nina replied honestly.

“I suspected that much, but I have to. It’s part of my job,” doctor Freeman reasoned.

“I bet you love your job,” Nina muttered.

“Especially in moments like this,” doctor Freeman replied sarcastically and grabbed her lightly by the arm, leading her towards the scale. “It’ll only take a moment, then you can put your clothes back on.”

Nina reluctantly stepped on the scale and tears filled her eyes as she looked at the numbers. They weren’t low enough.

“Thank you,” doctor Freeman said once he had noted the weight and Nina quickly stepped off the scale and proceeded to get dressed. “And now it’s time for a little chat,” he added when she was headed for the door.

“I’m tired, doctor Freeman,” she objected.

“So am I, but you don’t see me whining about it,” he replied condescendingly.

“Asshole,” Nina muttered bitterly.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, you heard me. Surely someone as smart as yourself must have the self-perception of knowing that you are a total and utter asshole,” Nina said rudely and put her hand on the door handle. Doctor Freeman stalked up to her and placed his hand on top of hers, preventing her from opening the door.

“Don’t leave just yet,” he told her with a half-smile. “Not now that things finally got interesting.” Nina couldn't help but smile at his words. She had finally intrigued that bored looking man who seemed to hate his life more than she hated hers.

“I’m not here for your amusement,” she told him brittly, deciding to keep up the attitude. It felt good taking her bad mood out on him, and oddly enough, he seemed to get a kick out of it.

“No, but you’re here for a physical examination, so sit your ass down and let me ask you some questions about your health,” he told her firmly.

“Fine,” Nina said irritably and slumped down on the chair. She made a slight grimace as her sore backside came in contact with the wooden surface.

“I am going to ask you all kinds of boring questions about general health and exercise habits, but first I am going to start with the more interesting questions.”

“I read in your medical records that you have ADD and that you are not currently on medication for that because you lost too much weight last time you were eating it,” doctor Freeman said. Nina shrugged in response, not quite sure where he was going with this. “I was thinking that one of the reasons why you got addicted to such high doses of ephedrine so quickly is because you need central stimulants to function properly.” Nina nodded agreeingly. “So I was thinking that you and I could make a deal. If you gain a certain amount of weight and manage to keep that weight for over a month, I’ll prescribe you central stimulants.”

“Really?” Nina said incredulously. She felt so happy that she could cry. If she got her medication back, she wouldn’t need the ephedrine anymore.

“Yes, really. I thought it might be a good motivator for you to become clean from your addiction,” doctor Freeman said.

“Thank you, doctor Freeman,” Nina said appreciatively, suddenly in a better mood. The doctor smiled briefly at her before continuing the chat by asking all those boring questions he had mentioned before.

When she finally stepped out of the doctor’s office, Nina smiled slightly to herself, still happy about the promise of getting her old medication back. It was nice to feel understood, especially by someone she hadn’t expected it from.

“How did it go?” Tom wondered as she stepped inside the car.

“Good. I’ll be getting my old medication back if I gain some weight and lose the addiction,” Nina summed up. He raised an eyebrow at her, seemingly surprised by doctor Freeman’s decision.

“Is that so?” he asked.

“Yeah. Great, isn’t it?” she said cheerfully. “Oh, and I’m having that disgusting mole on my hip removed. You were right, he is a good doctor, although he can be a bit of a dick sometimes.”

“Don’t call him that,” Tom chided as he started the car.

“But it’s true,” Nina told him teasingly. “He was so thorough, I bet he checked your prostate when you had your exam,” she said provocatively.

“There are blood samples for that,” Tom replied unaffectedly. Nina made a face at him.

“You’re so boring,” she complained.

“Seatbelt,” he reminded her, as if to emphasise that he didn’t mind being called boring.

“Boooring,” Nina said as she reluctantly put her seatbelt on.

“Someone has to be,” Tom muttered in response.

“You should be more like Ben,” Nina told him. “He’s fun.”

“Not too much fun, I hope,” Tom remarked and glanced at her. He frowned slightly as her face lit up. “Keep in mind that he’s married.”

“He seems to forget about that sometimes,” Nina told him under her breath.

“I’m sorry what?” Tom questioned, seemingly a bit alarmed.

“Nothing,” Nina replied, but was pretty sure he had heard her to judge by his reaction.

“I’m serious, Nina. Keep your hands off him,” he told her seriously.

“It takes two to tango, you know,” she informed him with a sigh.

“And you’re much too willing to be his dancing partner,” Tom remarked bitterly. Nina glared at him in response, but didn’t argue. After all, he was right. She was too willing to be Benedict’s partner, but she couldn’t help herself. Furthemore, it was not like the responsibility was all hers either; he was the one who chose to be unfaithful to his wife. She didn’t make him do anything. Everything he did was on his own accord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	6. Guilt

Following day at the office, Tom’s words haunted Nina. She actually felt bad for Benedict’s wife and decided to act more professionally around Benedict. She brought him his morning coffee as usual, but didn’t show off her breasts or linger in his office like she usually would. Benedict didn’t say anything about it, but seemed unusually focused on his work whenever she came in. Perhaps he felt like he had taken things a step too far by touching her and giving her an orgasm the day before. Maybe he was actually relieved that she wasn’t flirting with him. Nina was relieved that he didn’t say anything about it, but acted as if it had always been that way between them.

“You seem focused today,” Tom told her when it was time for lunch.

“Mhm,” Nina hummed without looking up from her computer screen. She had just opened a letter claiming that she had forgotten to pay a bill and the reminder fee wasn’t exactly small. She felt like crying as she skimmed through the latest transactions, hoping she wasn’t the one who had made the mistake.

“Are you coming?” Tom asked, wanting her to join him for lunch.

“I can’t, I have to sort this out first,” Nina objected, feeling decreasingly distressed as she realised that the one who had sent the letter hadn’t made a mistake. She had forgotten to pay the bill. Tom frowned slightly as he looked at her.

“Are you alright?” he asked concernedly.

“No,” she replied with tears in her eyes as she showed him the letter. Tom read the letter and grimaced slightly at the sight of the sum total. “I’ll pay the reminder fee,” Nina offered desperately.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ll do no such thing,” Tom told her as he put the letter back down on the desk. “Just pay it and write them a letter of apology. They’ll appreciate that,” he advised.

“Thank you,” Nina said appreciatively as she looked up at him. “I’ll get right to it,” she added and opened a new text document on the computer.

“Just pay the bill now and you can write the letter after lunch,” Tom said decidedly. He didn’t seem all too upset for someone who had just lost a significant amount of money. Perhaps it wasn’t that much money to him and the company, but to Nina, it was a third of her monthly paycheck. He even smiled at her after she was done paying the bill. “Don’t beat yourself up over it, we all make mistakes,” he said compassionately.

“Thank you, Tom,” Nina said appreciatively and hugged him. “It won’t happen again.”

“I know it won’t,” he replied with an assuring smile.

They went to have lunch together, and Nina ate more than she usually did. Her appetite had come back now that she had stopped taking the pills. The sense of fullness was anxiety provoking. She reached into her bag and took out three of the pills doctor Freeman had prescribed for her. She was supposed to take 1-2 pills at a time at a maximum of two times a day. So she figured she could take three now and one more later if she should need it. She swallowed the medication down with some water.

“How many did you take?” Tom asked with a frown, having paid close attention to her every move.

“Two,” Nina lied.

“It looked like three to me,” Tom insisted.

“I can take four a day if I need to,” Nina told him irritably.

“Yes, but not three or four at a time,” Tom told her and held out his hand towards her. “Give me the last one.” She was only given four pills a day from the medicine cabinet in order to not exceed the maximum dose limit.

“Why?” she questioned irritably.

“Because I say so,” Tom told her firmly. She glared at him defiantly for a long moment before finally handing him the last of the pills.

“You’re such an ass sometimes,” she muttered under her breath.

“And you’re such a brat sometimes,” Tom retorted to her surprise. He usually didn’t talk back to her like that. She kind of liked it.

When lunch break was over, Nina finally began to feel the effect of the pills she had taken. She felt more relaxed and less anxious than before, but also slightly more uninhibited than usual. She wrote a much too heartfelt letter of apology to the company she had been late paying the bill to, which she realised just after she had sent it.

“Hello Benny boi,” she greeted Benedict when she got into his office with a cup of coffee. She was grinning widely as he looked up at her with surprise.

“Are you drunk?” he asked suspiciously, causing her smile to widen.

“No, not at all,” she assured him amusedly. She almost felt drunk now that he mentioned it. Perhaps she had taken too much medication, because she didn’t really care if she was making a fool out of herself. “It’s just prescription drugs, man.”

Benedict laughed in response and got up to grab the cup of coffee from her before she spilled it out. He put the up down on his desk and crossed his arms as he looked at her expectantly. “What drugs?” he asked curiously.

“Diazepam,” Nina replied happily.

“Did you take too much?” Benedict wondered.

“I took three pills instead of two. I figured it wouldn’t make that much of a difference, but boy, it actually did,” she confided in him.

“Perhaps I should give you a ride home, I’m not sure if you should work when you’re in this state,” Benedict suggested.

“I can work,” Nina insisted. “Working is more fun this way. Everyone here is so nice and I love working with them,” she said emotionally.

“Are you sure you didn’t take any ecstasy?” Benedict questioned amusedly.

“I haven’t tried ecstasy yet. Is it something you would recommend?” Nina asked excitedly.

“No,” Benedict told her firmly. “No drugs. Not when you’re off work, and definitely not when you’re working.”

“I’m not on any illegal drugs,” Nina insisted. “Doctor Freeman prescribed them for me.”

“But you took more than you should, didn’t you?” Benedict asked.

“How did you know that?” Nina asked confusedly.

“You said you took three instead of two. Last I checked, that’s one too many,” Benedict told her. “Now I need you to get your act together or I’m personally taking you home,” he warned her. Nina bit her lip nervously in response. He looked so incredibly hot when he was all serious like this.

“Why not take me to a hotel room instead? We could have some fun,” she joked.

“Very funny, Nina,” Benedict snorted. It seemed like he was actually regretful about the previous day’s events.

“Now you sound like Tom,” Nina told him disappointedly. “But I guess that’s for the best. It was fun while it lasted.”

“It was,” Benedict agreed. “But I love my wife.”

“I know,” Nina replied sadly. “I need to get back to work,” she added and left his office in a hurry.

Nina did manage to get her act together and get through the day without any mishaps. When the working day was finally over, she felt relieved. She had managed yet another working day without ephedrine.

Like most days, Nina got a ride home by Tom. And like most days lately, she was requested to help with chores around the house. Chores that her mother would usually have done all by herself being a housewife, but that was before she had the baby who took up most of her time and energy. Today she was asked to sort, iron and fold the latest laundry load. She found it so excruciatingly boring that she brought a bottle of wine with her down to the basement. She had finished about half of the bottle before Tom caught her, and he was not pleased to say the least.

“I’m a grownup!” Nina argued drunkenly when he grabbed the bottle from where it was sitting on the top of the washing machine.

“It’s about time you start acting like one,” Tom told her irritably. Nina made a face at him in response and tried to push past him, but he stopped her by grabbing her by the shoulder. “You’re not done yet,” he pointed out, motioning towards the pile of dry laundry.

“Do the damn laundry yourself,” Nina told him angrily.

“You know what? You’re such a spoiled brat. You live here for free; the least you could do is help out around the house. Especially now that your mother is busy taking care of your little brother,” he scolded her.

“If you don’t stop acting like such an asshole, I’m going to tell mom about the porn I found on your computer,” Nina threatened angrily. She regretted the words as soon as they had left her mouth. Tom stared at her in shock.

“I thought we had a deal,” he replied disappointedly.

“We do,” Nina assured him regretfully. “I’m sorry, Tom. I won’t tell her, I promise,” she added desperately, hoping that he would forgive her.

“I get that you’ve had a rough day and all, but you can’t threaten me with that just because you’re upset,” Tom told her seriously. “We have a deal, and in my book that stuff is important. And since we’re both living and working together, we need to be able to trust one another.”

“You can trust me,” Nina assured him ardently. “I won’t tell anyone about the porn.”

“Please, stop mentioning it already,” Tom requested, getting a bit flustered. “I came down to tell you that dinner’s almost ready.”

“I’m not hungry,” Nina replied and motioned towards the laundry pile still sitting on the dryer. She had only folded and sorted about half of what had been there from the start. “And like you said, I’m not done here yet.”

“I’ll help you,” Tom said with a sigh and proceeded to fold a pair of white jeans Nina had just ironed. “Do you want to fold or iron?” he asked her.

“Iron,” Nina said reluctantly and nearly tripped over her own feet as she walked up to him.

“You’re drunk. You take the folding so you don’t get yourself hurt,” Tom said decidedly.

“Then why did you ask me to choose?” Nina muttered irritably and angrily folded a t-shirt. She was not arguing about the fact that she was drunk, because she obviously was. Her cheeks were warm, her mind kept wandering and her body didn’t move with the same finesse as it usually did. Now that the two of them were cooperating, the laundry was done in minutes.

“You can put the clothes in the closets after dinner,” Tom told her.

“I don’t think I can eat anything right now, I feel sick,” Nina said truthfully. Tom looked at her with concern in his blue eyes.

“You do look a bit pale,” he said and touched her forehead. “And you’re a bit warm,” he added with a sigh. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Nina went upstairs to her room and laid down in bed. Soon Tom came in with a bucket for her to throw up into if she should need it and a forehead thermometer. He shone the infrared light on her forehead and read the digits on the screen as the thermometer beeped.

“You don’t have a fever,” he concluded. “But you have a slightly elevated temperature.”

“That’s too bad. Then I can’t call in sick for work tomorrow,” Nina told him jokingly.

“If you need to rest, you could call in sick. I’m sure Stina wouldn’t mind filling in for you,” Tom said seriously and Nina grimaced slightly at the mention of the other woman’s name. Stina was in her early thirties and quite obviously wanted to take over Nina’s job as a secretary. She was better qualified than Nina for the job and had been furious when Nina had just taken it right under her nose.

“It’s alright. I just need to sleep, I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning,” Nina assured him.

“Don’t hesitate to let me know if you don’t,” Tom told her seriously. “You need to take care of yourself.” Nina smiled faintly at him. He seemed genuinely concerned for her well-being.

Following day, Nina went to work as usual. Since she felt so impossibly tired nowadays that she had brought a jar of caffeine pills to take throughout the day, seeing as the energy drinks and coffee didn’t do enough for her. Andrew stopped by her desk, just as she ingested yet another caffeine pill and swallowed it down with some energy drink.

“What was that?” he asked her. Nina sighed and took the jar of pills out of her bag.

“No drugs, if that’s what you think,” she told him irritably then realised that he might not know the sedish word for caffeine, even though it was quite similar to the english word. “Koffein means caffeine,” she informed him as he read the text on the jar.

“I know,” he told her and handed her back the jar of pills. “So now you’re taking caffeine pills in addition to the gallons of coffee and energy drinks you’re having. That can’t be good for your health.”

“It’s better than falling asleep at work,” Nina told him.

“Perhaps you should work shorter days if you’re so tired,” Andrew suggested concernedly. “I’m sure Stina wouldn’t mind filling in for you,” he added. There she was again. Stina. Did they want Stina to replace her?

“No, I’m good,” Nina insisted. “It will all get better once I get my medicine back,” she assured him.

“What medicine?” Andrew wondered.

“Metylfenidat, it’s for my ADD,” Nina told him. “Doctor Freeman promised he would prescribe it to me if I gained some weight.”

“Good for you,” Andrew told her with a smile. “Do you think it helps?”

“It does. They help me function better,” Nina replied optimistically, looking forward to the day she would get her life back. Or well, maybe it wasn’t quite as serious as that, but she felt like her quality of life improved when taking her medication.

“That’s good. I think you’re doing very well without them, but if you think they help you and doctor Freeman thinks so as well, I suppose you should take them,” Andrew said. “Until then, don’t overdo it with the caffeine pills and energy drinks. You know, there is such a thing as a caffeine overdose.”

“Right, I’ll be carefull,” Nina assured him.

“Didn’t doctor Freeman say anything about cutting down on energy drinks?” Andrew asked.

“I never told him I was having them,” Nina replied cheekily, causing Andrew to shake his head at her.

“Of course you didn’t.”

As the day went on, Nina continued to take the caffeine pills. It actually helped her focus a little bit better. Her interactions with Benedict were still kept professional, and rather boring. But boring was good, Nina reminded herself. Boring meant that she wasn’t throwing herself at him and that Benedict wasn’t being unfaithful to his wife. She still found him painfully attractive, though, and couldn’t help but fantasise about him. She thought about when he had touched her until she came and sighed soundly as she reminded herself that those days of shameless flirting and unrestrained behaviour had seemingly come to an end.

“We’re having Ben and his wife over for dinner on Friday,” Tom told her when they were in the car on their way to the grocery store. Nina looked up at him with surprise and was about to ask him why, but stopped herself. She didn’t feel like actually meeting Benedict’s wife and looking her in the eye after everything that she had done to seduce him.

“Are the kids coming too?” Nina asked. She would feel even worse if she had to meet his children too, after all, if things had continued the way they had, she might have broken up a family.

“No, they managed to find a sitter,” Tom replied with a smile. “His children are a delight. You would love them,” he told her.

“I’m sure I would,” Nina said in response and bit her lip hard at how angry she was with herself. How could she have been so selfish as to not think about Benedict’s family when she had been messing around with him? How could he have been so selfish? He seemed like a decent man, yet he had been acting like a real selfish prick up until a couple of days ago. Surely he must have come to the same realisation as she had after their little incident that had gone a step too far.

“Are you coming?” Tom asked before stepping out of the car. Great, Nina thought to herself. Another trip to the store, which meant another pointless discussion about her consumption of energy drinks.

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” Tom asked as they wandered around the store with a shopping cart.

“I don’t know. I’m not really hungry,” Nina muttered uninterestedly. She was still thinking about Benedict and his family. “I think I’m going out with some friends on Friday,” she told him. It had been a while since she last had a night out.

“Can’t you do that on Saturday instead? I really want you to meet Ben’s wife,” Tom said insistently.

“Why?” Nina demanded irritably.

“Because she’s a very nice person, and I want you to see that for yourself,” Tom told her.

“I don’t doubt that she’s a nice person,” Nina replied. “You can stop worrying about me flirting with Ben, because we’re not doing that anymore.”

“I’ve noticed,” Tom replied as he looked through the shopping list on his phone.

“Then why are you having them over for dinner?” Nina demanded irritably.

“It’s not all about you, Nina,” Tom informed her. “I invited them over because they are nice people who I like to spend time with and it’ll do your mother some good to spend some time with other adults.”

“Then I don’t have to be there,” Nina said stubbornly.

“I want you to be there,” Tom insisted.

“Why?”

“I already told you why. So you can get to know Sophie a little better,” Tom replied. “Come on, Nina. I won’t say a single word about the energy drinks for a whole week if you join us for dinner.”

“You should have said forever, then I might consider it,” Nina told him with a smile as they approached the part of the store where the energy drinks were.

“Two weeks,” Tom bargained.

“A month,” Nina said decidedly.

“A month it is,” Tom agreed and they sealed the deal with a handshake. “I’ll make sure to mark the date in my calendar,” he added as he dejectedly watched her put a great amount of different energy drinks into the shopping cart.

Friday finally came and it was time for dinner with Benedict and Sophie. Benedict greeted Nina with a smile and an innocent half-hug once they got there.

“This is my wife, Sophie. I believe you two have spoken on the phone,” Benedict said with a smile. Sophie had phoned a couple of times during the time Nina had been working at the office. She had always been pleasant to talk to and straight to the point with what message she wanted Nina to pass on to Benedict. It was different with Andrew’s partner, Josef, who would usually go on talking about all kinds of things before getting to the point. While it was pleasant to talk to Josef, it could sometimes be a little bit too time consuming for Nina’s taste. After all, she was at work to do her job, not to have pleasant non-work related chats on the phone, no matter how fun and lovely they might be.

“Yes, we have,” Nina confirmed and shook Sophie’s hand. “I’m Nina, the secretary.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Nina,” Sophie said with a pleasant smile.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Nina replied politely.

No matter how much Nina wanted to deny it, it was actually very nice to meet Sophie. She was charming with her soft-spokenness, elegance, modesty and had a good sense of humour. She was working as a literature professor at the university and had recently been rewarded for her work with getting children in middle and high school to read more. Benedict bragged about her achievements, whereas Sophie blushed and modestly toned it down. The couple seemed to complement each other perfectly, with Benedict being talkative and lively, while Sophie was calm and spoke only when she had something interesting to say. She seemed like the kind of person who thought a lot before speaking, Nina reflected as she studied Sophie from across the table. Nina tried not to be overwhelmed by the sense of guilt that filled her as she thought about how sweet and unassuming Sophie was. It couldn’t have been easy for her to move to a whole new country and learn a whole new language for the sake of her husband’s work.

Nina found herself finishing her wine quickly as she tried to stop her mind from racing. But the wine only made her even more emotional than she already was.

“Easy there,” Tom said when she was about to pour some more wine into her glass. “I think you’ve had enough of that,” he told her discreetly as he took the bottle from her and poured some wine into his own wine glass.

“I’ve had enough of everything,” Nina muttered back, her eyes filling with tears.

“Come,” Tom offered. He began to clear the table from the mostly empty dining plates and Nina followed his example. They left the dining room together and went into the kitchen to put the dirty dishes down on the worktop. “What’s going through your mind right now?” he asked her as he proceeded to put on a pot of coffee.

“I feel like such a horrible person,” Nina confessed in a low voice. Tom glanced towards the adjoining dining room and saw that she was staring at Sophie. He stood himself in front of her to block the view and put his hands on each of her shoulders as he bent down slightly to come at eye level with her.

“But you didn’t do anything with him, did you?” Tom asked her earnestly.

“We didn’t have sex, if that’s what you’re asking,” Nina replied in a small voice.

“Then why are you so bothered? Did something else happen?” Tom questioned in a serious voice. Nina shook her head at him. She couldn’t confess to him what had happened between her and Benedict. “Did he do something to you?” he asked, almost sounding angry.

“No,” Nina quickly replied, ferociously shaking her head at him. “We just flirted, that’s all.”

“So he never touched you inappropriately?” Tom asked urgently. Nina shook her head at him, it was easier to lie when she didn’t speak. “And you never touched him?” Nina shook her head again.

“I massaged his neck and shoulder once. But that’s all,” she lied. She had kissed Benedict. She had sat in his lap plenty of time, and she had been touched by him.

“I see. Then I think your bad conscience is a bit uncalled for. You’re not a horrible person,” Tom told her simply. Nina couldn’t help but wonder if he would disagree with his own statement if he actually knew the truth about what she and Benedict had done. “Why don’t you help me with dessert?” he suggested, giving her something else to focus on.

Nina smiled slightly as she took out the vanilla and raspberry panna cotta out of the fridge. She had done most of the work making them, encouraged by her mother who had read her the recipe while breastfeeding William.

“Dessert, finally,” her mother said excitedly as Nina and Tom walked into the dining room with the panna cottas. “Nina made them all by herself,” Helena added proudly, shining up as she looked at her daughter. Nina blushed in response and sat down in her seat with her head down. She flinched as she felt something touch her foot by the table, but relaxed once she saw the playful expression on Benedict’s face.

“Cheer up, Nina. You look like someone just died,” Benedict told her from across the table.

“Plenty of people just died all over the world,” Nina informed him bitterly. How could he be so carefree when his wife was sitting right next to him and Nina, someone he had done something sexual with just a few days ago, was sitting opposite to him? She felt almost angry with him. Where was his bad conscience? Was she the only one who should feel bad about what happened?

“Let me clarify, you look like someone you knew just died,” Benedict said humorously.

“You just died in my eyes,” Nina muttered darkly before dramatically getting up from the table, leaving the rest of the people gathered around the table completely clueless as to what she was referring to.

“What did she just say?” Sophie asked confoundedly. “You just died in my eyes? What’s that supposed to mean, Ben? Did something happen?”

“I have no idea, darling,” Benedict replied with a carefree shrug and smiled warmly at his wife. “I believe the poor girl has had too much to drink,” he added before digging into the dessert. He didn’t notice how Tom’s eyes narrowed suspiciously from across the table.

The evening went on with a lot of laughter and pleasant conversations. Nina didn’t listen to her mother’s pleas of joining them and was happily surprised when Tom asked her mother to leave her alone.

“She’s probably tired from work. It’s been a long week,” Nina could hear Tom excuse her from the other side of the locked door. It had indeed been a long and eventful week, Nina thought to herself. Too eventful for her liking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	7. Horrible People

Following Monday at the office, Nina purposely neglected to bring Benedict his morning coffee. She was still upset by his carefree attitude during the dinner preceding Friday and had decided to avoid him as much as possible. 

Eventually, Benedict came out of his office and walked up to her desk. She ignored him at first. 

"Nina, where's my coffee?" he asked and when she didn't respond he walked up to stand beside her. He leaned down with his hand against the desk until he was at eye level with her. "You can't ignore me, I'm your boss," he told her. 

"Stina, would you please get mister Cumberbatch his coffee?" Nina demonstratively asked her least favourite colleague without taking her eyes off the computer screen.

"Of course," Stina replied and presented Benedict with a sugary smile before walking off to the coffee machine. Nina glanced over at Stina and saw her hips swaying slightly as she walked. It was kind of sexy, she thought to herself and bit her lip slightly. Maybe Stina wasn't so bad after all. Nina didn't actually mind Stina as a person, but it was rather the rivalry between them that bothered her. She glanced at Benedict and was surprised to find that he wasn't shamelessly checking Stina out. Instead she found his face decimetres away from her own.

"Damn it, Ben," she muttered under her breath as she leaned away from him. She glared darkly at him and found that he frowned at her. 

"We need to talk," he told her seriously. 

"I'm done talking to you," Nina muttered. 

"No, you're not. I'm your boss. Get in my office. Now," he said firmly and placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. It didn't hurt, but Nina flinched away from his unexpected touch. 

"Fine," Nina said dejectedly and got up from her seat. She didn't want to make a scene right there and then. 

"Your coffee, mister Cumberbatch," Stina said sweetly as she handed him his freshly made coffee. 

"Thank you, miss Johansson," Benedict replied politely and smiled warmly as he accepted the coffee from her. 

Nina followed him into his office and crossed her arms as she watched him shut the curtains and lock the door.

"What are you doing?" she asked. 

"Giving us some privacy," Benedict responded as he turned around to face her. "I want to talk to you about the way you acted at dinner last Friday."

"The way I acted?" Nina asked incredulously. "What was wrong was the way you acted like nothing ever happened between us. Don't you have any shame in your body? Your wife was right there next to you and you just acted like everything was normal." 

"How was I supposed to act, Nina?" Benedict questioned irritably. "Do you think I should have told her? Or act all sullen and grumpy, ruining a perfectly fine dinner the way you almost did?" 

"I don’t know," Nina answered truthfully. "I just don't see how you could act so carefree. Aren't you at all burdened by your mistake?"

"Of course I am, Nina. But unlike you, I'm able to keep my feelings to myself," Benedict told her. "You should try it sometime. You've been so moody lately. Are you on your period or something?" 

Nina just wanted to rip his head off right there and then. How dare he turn this into a conversation about her flaws? He was the one who was married and had done something sexual with another woman. While she had been all too willing to be touched by him, Nina was still single and wasn't cheating on anyone. Surely, his mistake must have been morally worse than hers.

"Are we done here?" she questioned irritably. 

"No, we're not done here," Benedict told her angrily. "Why the hell did you say I was dead to you in front of my wife? What were you hoping to achieve by saying that?" 

"I don’t know. I wanted you to realise what a fucking dick you are," Nina muttred, wondering silently if she had raised Sophie’s suspicion.

“You didn’t have to say it to achieve that. I already know that I’m not a great person,” Benedict told her. “I’ve never claimed to be a good person.”

“Good, because you’re not,” Nina muttered. “And neither am I.”

“You’re not a bad person, Nina,” Benedict told her. “You’re the age where you are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them. I’m more than twice your age and I’m supposed to be wiser than I am.”

Nina snorted at his words. “Did I raise her suspicion?” she asked him.

“You did. She wouldn’t let it drop, so I told her I lost my temper with you and yelled at you because of the major bill you forgot to pay,” Benedict revealed.

“And did she buy it?” Nina questioned.

“I’m not sure. I never know for certain when it comes to Sophie,” Benedict admitted. “I don’t enjoy lying to my wife, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t put me in that kind of position again.”

“It serves you right,” Nina told him honestly and walked towards the door.

Benedict grabbed her by her arm and dragged her with him towards his desk. Nina tried not to smirk as he bent her over the desk and slapped her on the bottom with his open hand. Did he really think he could scare her into silence with a spanking? He kept one hand on her back, firmly holding her down and used the other to undo his belt. Nina froze at the sound of the belt being pulled out of the loops on his trousers. She glanced over her shoulder alarmedly as he folded the belt in half and raised it. She shut her eyes tightly and braced herself for the impact right before the belt landed across her buttocks.

“Oww,” she whined and kicked with her legs at the sharp pain. She wasn’t prepared for the second lash and gasped as she reached her hands back to cover her sore bottom.

“Move your hands,” Benedict told her sternly.

“Just give me a moment,” Nina replied, accepting the sharp pain he caused her. She took a deep, shaky breath before removing her hands from her bottom and placing them on top of the wooden desk. Benedict hit her with the belt a third and a fourth time, not giving her enough time to recover between the lashes. “Fucking hell, Ben. You have to give me some time to recover in between the lashes. Have you never done this before?”

“Have you done this before?” he asked surprisedly.

“Once or twice,” Nina mumbled and made a move to get up, but Benedict pushed her back down again.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he told her firmly.

“I’m sorry sir,” Nina told him submissively. Benedict looked at her in astonishment for a moment before regaining his composure and raised the belt once again to hit her firm buttocks. “Do you want me to count, sir?” Nina found herself asking.

“If you want to,” Benedict told her. Her sudden submissiveness really turned him on.

“Five, thank you, sir,” Nina said, counting like she had seen in one of the scenes she had found on Tom’s computer. Benedict hit her again with his belt, she bit her lip hard to endure the pain. “Six, thank you, sir,” she told him. He waited a moment until she seemed to have recovered from the blow and gave her another hard rap with the belt. He had planned on giving her ten, but as he watched her struggle to keep herself together, he stopped at eight.

Nina got up from her bent over position and stared at the floor. She felt ashamed of herself for giving in so easily to that dirty little fantasy of hers.

“I feel like such a horrible person,” she confided in him and he brought her into a hug.

“You’re not,” Benedict assured her. “If it’s of any comfort, I am a much more horrible person than you will ever be,” he added sincerely. He meant it. He was a very bad man, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that he enjoyed it.

Tom noticed Nina’s pained expression as they had lunch together. She looked as though she was about to cry at any moment.

“Are you alright?” he asked her concernedly.

“I’m fine,” Nina told him with a forced smile. “I’m just feeling a bit emotional today. I think it’s because I’m so tired.”

“If you need to go home early-” Tom began to say, but she interrupted him.

“I’m good to work,” she assured him. In all honesty, she could use the distraction of burying herself in work, rather than going home to ruminate what had happened between her and Benedict.

“Just let me know if you change your mind,” Tom told her kindly. She smiled at him again, this time genuinely. He was being so nice to her. She found it odd that he seemed to at some point have fantasised about hitting her like in the scenes, because in real life he was the most gentle man she knew. His self-control was truly inspiring, she thought as she compared him to herself and Benedict. At least they hadn’t had sex in Benedict’s office, but it had been close. They had made out and he had touched her until she came. Again.

“Is there something weighing you down?” Andrew asked as he walked by her desk after coming back from a late lunch meeting. “You look sad,” he added sympathetically.

“I did something I shouldn’t have,” she confessed as he walked up to stand beside her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he wondered.

“I can’t,” Nina replied seriously. Of course she couldn’t tell him about what had happened. Then he would think less of her. She couldn’t tell anyone about it.

“Come here, darling,” Andrew offered and she got up to let him give her one of his heartwarming hugs. “My door is always open if you change your mind or just want another hug,” he told her sincerely.

“Thank you, Andrew. I really appreciate it.”

“He’s so incredibly sweet,” she heard Stina sigh from behind her back as she watched Andrew disappear into his office.

“He is,” Nina agreed and smiled at her colleague. Maybe Stina wasn’t so bad after all. She was very ambitious, but didn’t seem to hold any grudge towards Nina for taking the job she had clearly wanted.

“I realised that you and I hardly know each other. How about going out for lunch together some day?” Stina suggested.

“Sure,” Nina replied, hoping to finally find a female friend at her workplace.

“Does tomorrow work for you?” Stina asked.

“Yeah, tomorrow’s great,” Nina replied happily.

“Then it’s a date,” Stina replied with a smile before walking off back to her own desk.

“I’m having lunch with Stina tomorrow,” Nina told Tom excitedly as they got in the car after work.

“That’s great, but I thought you didn’t like Stina,” Tom replied with a smile. “Is this some keep your enemies closer-plan of yours?” he asked her suspiciously.

“Not at all,” Nina laughed. “Good idea though,” she added, causing him to shake his head amusedly at her. “I realised that I might have felt threatened by her, seeing as she wanted and probably still wants my job.”

“That makes sense. What changed?” Tom wondered. Nina blushed as she remembered how she had changed her mind about Stina right after checking out her ass earlier that day. How messed up and superficial wasn’t that?

“She invited me out for lunch,” Nina replied, unwilling to tell him the messed up truth.

“That was nice of her,” Tom told her. “She seems like a genuinely nice person. Very hard-working and polite. She was the main candidate for your position.”

“I’ve come to realise that,” Nina muttered. “I’m sure she will take over my position once you fire me.”

“Why on earth would we fire you, Nina? You’re doing a great job,” Tom questioned. Because of professional misconduct, Nina thought to herself.

“Because I get tired a lot,” she replied dispiritedly.

“But you’re still doing a great job,” Tom told her ardently. “We couldn’t fire you because of your ADD. That would be horribly wrong.”

Nina shrugged in response. She should really quit her job and avoid Benedict as much as possible, because obviously she lacked the character and self-restraint to keep her hands off him.

When they got home, Nina was as always nowadays requested to help with chores. She called over Jim and they had a good time together as they did the laundry. Tom wasn’t exactly overjoyed once he realised that she had called Jim over to help her.

“Nina, can I talk to you for a moment?” Tom requested with crossed arms. Nina followed him up from the basement. “You’re not calling Jim over to help you with chores, is that understood?”

“Why not? It’s not like I’m making him do anything he doesn’t want to do,” Nina argued.

“You’re using him,” Tom told her seriously.

“In that case, he’s using me too, because he knows I will have sex with him afterwards,” Nina reasoned. Tom frowned slightly at her as she mentioned sex.

“I mean you’re using him emotionally. You keep getting his hopes up,” Tom criticised.

“You keep saying that,” Nina told him with a sigh. “But isn’t it his responsibility too? I mean, I’ve been clear with him. I’ve told him that we will never be more than friends with benefits.”

“Then you should let him go. Let him move on and find someone else,” Tom told her.

“I’m not stopping him,” Nina objected.

“In a way you are. You keep reeling him in,” Tom tried to explain.

“You know what, Tom? Fuck you!” Nina said angrily. She already felt like a bad person as it was, why did he have to go and make it worse?

“Don’t speak to me like that,” Tom called after her as she headed back down into the basement. Nina turned around to glare at him and made a rude sign with her long fingers. Tom sighed, shaking his head at her before shutting the basement door.

“Jim. You know I don’t love you right?” Nina asked straightforwardly once she got back down in the basement.

“So you keep telling me,” Jim replied with a gentle smile.

“You know that if you find someone else to sleep with, that’s alright with me,” she told him seriously.

“I know, you’ve told me that before,” Jim assured her, looking at her tenderly.

“Good. Now that we’ve got that out of the way; do you want to have sex?” Nina asked him straightforwardly as he took a pile of clothes from the dryer.

“You mean now?” he asked, putting the laundry down on the worktop. “Here?”

“Right here,” Nina confirmed and boldly touched his penis through his pants. “Right now,” she added and kissed him passionately.

When she didn’t spend too much time with Jim, Nina could almost convince herself that she loved him. But after only a couple of hours in his company, she would find herself annoyed by his mere presence. She felt bad for him, because it wasn’t his fault that she found him boring. She had always encouraged him to find someone else, someone worthy of his love. Someone who was able to love him back for who he was. She had even tried to set him up with a friend of hers, but sadly that hadn’t worked out.

“Do you think it would be easier for you to move on if I didn’t call you over like this?” Nina asked as they got dressed. Again, Jim had been shocked to see her thrashed backside during sex. It made her realise that he probably would never lay a hand on her like that, no matter how much she wanted him to.

“No, I don’t mind it at all,” he assured her keenly. “Please don’t stop calling me. I don’t mind just hanging out with you. We don’t always have to have sex, you know.”

“I don’t want to date you, Jim,” Nina told him seriously.

“I didn’t say that. I meant that I don’t mind hanging out as friends. You don’t have to have sex with me everytime,” he told her.

“But I want to have sex with you,” Nina told him.

“And I want to have sex with you,” Jim replied, blushing slightly.

“Then don’t complain,” Nina teased.

“I’m not complaining, I’m just saying you don’t ha-” Jim began to say, but Nina interrupted him with another lustful kiss.

When they were in the middle of their second time having sex, Tom walked in on them and immediately turned away from them.

“Dinner’s ready,” he announced awkwardly before heading back up the stairs.

“Well, that was awkward,” Nina told Jim amusedly over her shoulder as he pulled out of her.

“I should probably head home,” Jim said embarrassedly. He was mortified by what had just happened.

“Please, stay for dinner,” Nina pleaded.

“Why?” Jim asked her confusedly. “I thought you were satisfied now.”

“And you satisfied me, which is why you must be hungry,” she told him with a smile. “Please stay. Mom would be delighted.”

Later that night, when Nina was alone in her room watching some series on her laptop, Tom stopped by her room.

“Can I talk to you?” he requested. Nina nodded in response and paused the video on the screen. She sat up on the bed and looked at him expectantly as he shut the door behind him. “Where did you get those marks?” he asked her straightforwardly, causing her to blush.

“I asked Jim to hit me with his belt,” Nina lied embarrassedly.

“That’s interesting seeing as he wasn’t wearing one,” Tom replied and crossed his arms as he looked at her. “I get that you don’t want to tell me who really did it, but I have to ask you, was it consensual?”

“It was,” Nina assured him eagerly. She hadn’t really considered whether the beating she got by Benedict was consensual or not. At first, she hadn’t been feeling up for it, but once he listened to her she had agreed to it.

“Do you promise me that?” Tom asked her seriously.

“I promise,” Nina said.

“Can I give you a hug?” Tom wondered and Nina stood up from the bed. His arms wrapped around her and made her feel completely safe, like he would never let anything bad happen to her. “You need to take care of yourself,” he told her gently. “Can you promise me that you’ll be careful?”

“I promise,” Nina said with a sad smile. She felt very emotional as she parted from him. How could he be so caring towards someone as selfish as herself? Would he be as nice if he really knew about what she had done? Or did he perhaps already have a clue?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	8. Your Cheatin' Heart

Following day at the office, Nina kept sending Stina to do errands concerning Benedict. She decided that she should try to avoid him as much as possible to prevent any further sexual contact between them. She felt horrible for his sweet, soft-spoken wife and couldn’t get the image of her out of her head. She deserved better.

“Is something up between you and mister Cumberbatch?” Stina asked curiously as they had lunch together. They both had salads and sparkling water, and were dressed similarly with white shirts and black pencil skirts. While Nina was pretty slim built with big breasts, Stina had a very curvy, womanly figure that Nina couldn’t help but envy. While Nina wanted to be thin herself, she did find Stina’s curvy body type to be more attractive than her own. And to judge by the men’s appreciative looks towards Stina, they thought so as well.

“No. Or well...” Nina decided to lie about it, since there obviously was something going on between herself and Benedict. “Please, don’t tell anyone,” she said and leaned slightly forward over the table to speak in a lower voice than before, as though she was to confide Stina with something very private. “But he yelled at me the other day about a bill I forgot to pay. I know it was a big mistake and all, but he didn’t have to lose his temper like that. So I’m trying to avoid him as much as possible.”

“Oh, I see,” Stina replied with a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry he yelled at you. I’ll help you avoid him if that’s how you want to handle the situation.”

“Thank you,” Nina said appreciatively.

“But I think it would be best if you just talked to him about it. It’s not good if you feel like you need to avoid him. I could come with you, if you like, for moral support,” Stina offered helpfully.

“Thanks, Stina,” Nina said. “Right now I just want to stay away from him for a bit, but I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

“Okay,” Stina replied with a gentle smile.

Nina looked at her colleague and wondered how she could have disliked her so much before. It must have been the sense of rivalry between them. But Stina had not seemed to be that affected by the fact that Nina had the position she had wanted for herself. Instead, she had in fact been very nice and welcoming towards Nina. And helpful. She was always there to lend a helping hand if Nina should need one. She was very sweet and somehow reminded Nina of Jim. He was also incredibly helpful and understanding. Maybe they would make a good fit?

“Are you single?” Nina asked suddenly.

“Um, at the moment, yes. But I do have two cats,” Stina replied with a smile.

“Would you like to go on a date?” Nina asked.

“With you? Sure, why not,” Stina answered with a shrug. Nina cursed herself internally for not having been more clear that she wanted Stina to go on a date with her friend Jim. She couldn’t exactly tell her that now without turning it awkward.

“How about dinner and a movie?” Nina suggested. She decided that she had to go through with it, otherwise she would embarrass Stina and possibly ruin their new friendship.

“Sounds good to me,” Stina replied with a smile.

“Are you free on Thursday after work?” Nina asked, scrolling through her calendar on the phone. Stina picked up her phone as well and copied the action.

“Thursday’s great,” she replied cheerfully.

“Great,” Nina replied and smiled to herself. A date would be a good way to get to know Stina better, and after all, Nina was kind of interested in her.

The days went by, and Nina only had brief professional interactions with Benedict thanks to Stina’s help. Eventually, Thursday came and it was time for Nina and Stina’s date.

“Are you coming?” Tom asked, like he usually did when the working day was over.

“Actually, I’m going on a date,” Nina told him happily.

“Oh, I see. With whom, if I may ask?” Tom wondered curiously.

“With Stina,” Nina replied as she got up from her seat and grabbed the backpack with an extra change of clothes that she had brought to work that morning.

“Stina Johansson?” Tom asked and his eyes widened slightly with surprise as Nina nodded at him. “Oh, I didn’t know that you were- I mean. I hope you have fun. What are you going to do on your date?”

“Dinner first, and then a movie,” Nina replied gleefully, amused by his reaction to the fact that she was going on a date with another girl.

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight then,” he told her with a smile. “Have fun.”

“I will,” Nina said with a smile before heading to the changing room where she got changed into a turquoise dress. She stood by the mirror and reapplied her makeup as Stina walked in. They seemed to be the only ones left at the office.

“Hi,” Stina greeted her gleefully and proceeded to get changed into a wine red dress.

“Hi,” Nina replied and felt a fluttering sensation in her abdomen as she took in Stina’s beauty.

They got ready together and had a pleasant dinner at a restaurant near the movie theatre. Nina insisted on paying the tab at the restaurant and Stina insisted on paying for the movie tickets and snacks at the cinema. Nina smiled as she thought about how they both had wanted to pay and almost gotten into an argument about it. The movie was a romantic comedy, and none of them paid much attention to the storyline as they were busy making out with each other.

When the movie was finally over and the lights went on, the two women finally parted from each other, earning amused looks from the people who had been sitting closest to them. Nina blushed in embarrassment, whereas Stina just smiled brightly at them.

“So, I suppose this is it,” Nina said reluctantly as they stood outside the movie theatre. She wanted to spend more time in Stina’s company.

“You could always crash at my place,” Stina suggested and Nina felt a big smile spread across her face.

“Sure,” she agreed gleefully.

Stina was living in a small, but nice apartment together with her two cats; Tor and Loke from the norse mythology. Loke was black, small and very energetic, whereas Tor was cream coloured, big and quite calm. Nina had a great time playing with the cats and they seemed to appreciate being at the centre of attention for a little while. Once they grew tired of her, they simply laid down to take a nap.

“Oh, I wish I was a cat,” Nina said excitedly as she watched Tor and Loke sleep.

“Why?” Stina asked her amusedly and handed her another glass of wine.

“Then I could take naps all the time without anyone complaining,” Nina replied dreamingly.

“But you don’t want to sleep away most of your days, do you?” Stina asked as she sat down on the barstool in the kitchen.

“Sometimes I do. Like I’ve already told you, I get tired a lot,” Nina said a bit sadly and took another sip of wine.

“I’ve noticed that you drink a lot of energy drinks,” Stina replied. “Is there any medical reason you feel tired all the time? Have you told doctor Freeman about it?”

“He knows about it,” Nina told her. “I have ADD. It’s like ADHD but without hyperactivity.”

“Ah, I see. My brother has ADHD, so I know a little bit about it. Do you take medications for it?” Stina asked interestedly.

“Not at the moment, but I’m going to start again as soon as doctor Freeman says it’s alright for me to take them again,” Nina explained.

“Ah, I see. Did you lose too much weight taking them? My brother did that,” Stina said understandingly.

“Exactly,” Nina replied and made a slight grimace at the thought of her doctor’s reaction to her rapid weight loss last time she was on the medication. “It sucks, because I do feel like I need them to function properly. No one seems to understand that.”

“I think I have some idea of what you’re going through. My brother says that he feels a lot more calmer on the inside and is able to focus better when he’s on his medications,” Stina told her. “I think it’s admirable that you’re doing such a good job even though you’re not on your medications.”

“Thank you,” Nina said with a smile. She felt glad to finally have found someone who seemed to understand at least a little bit about her struggles.

The next day at work, Tom walked up to Nina’s desk as he arrived in the morning. She felt hungover, but Stina had made sure that they got to work on time, even a bit early.

“I’m guessing your date went well since you didn’t come home last night,” he told her with a smile.

“It went great,” Nina replied and yawned largely. “She has two cats. I wish I was a cat right now, so I could have a nap.”

“Did you stay up late last night?” Tom asked her with a knowing smile.

“Yeah, time just flew by,” Nina told him with a smile.

“Sounds like you had a good time,” Tom told her warmly and then leaned in to whisper to her. “You should probably have some chewing gum or something, because you smell of wine,” he advised her. Nina blushed in response and grabbed a gum from her backpack along with an energy drink. Tom raised an eyebrow at her. “No energy drinks on the desk, pour it into a coffee cup.”

“Ha! You just violated our deal,” Nina told him, playfully raising a warning finger at him. “We said no complaints about my energy drinks for a full month and it’s only been a week.”

“Right. Just pour it into a coffee cup, please,” Tom requested. “It doesn’t look nice with energy drink cans on the desk.”

“How about cola cans?” Nina questioned, pointing towards a desk in the far back where a man named Erik had a can of Coca Cola on his desk.

“You can tell him to pour his cola into a coffee cup as well,” Tom decided, causing Nina to sigh heavily. She didn’t feel like standing up and walking all the way over to Erik’s desk to tell him that. “Are you feeling hungover?” Tom asked her teasingly.

“Mhm,” Nina answered.

“Have one of these,” Tom offered and handed her a tube of fluid replacement pills. “It’s an effervescent tablet, so you put it in a glass of water and let it resolve before you drink it,” he explained, wanting to avoid any preventable incidents.

“I know, I can read,” Nina said sarcastically as she looked at the pipe of pills. “Thank you, Tom,” she added in a nicer tone of voice and gave him an appreciative smile.

"Oh, and before I forget. Here," Tom offered and handed her four of the pills doctor Freeman had prescribed for her. "Don't take them all at once," he warned her. 

"I won't," Nina assured him. 

Nina didn’t feel well at all as she got up from her seat to talk to Erik. She ran to the toilet and threw up all of the breakfast Stina had so kindly made for her that morning. She could feel the sweat run down her forehead and washed her face. Her head was aching and her stomach was turning at the mere thought of food.

She went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, placing one of Tom’s pills in it. While she was there, she grabbed two empty coffee cups. She put the glass of water and one of the cups down on her desk before walking up to Erik.

“Hi Erik. Mister Hiddleston requested that we from now on should not have any cans on our desks, so I need you to pour your cola into this,” Nina informed the man in his mid-twenties and handed him the cup. He glanced over at Nina’s desk, where the can of energy drink was still sitting.

“Hypocrite,” he said shortly, sullenly grabbing his cola can and emptied its contents into the cup before putting the can on the floor underneath his desk.

“I have to do it too,” Nina informed him wearily. “I know it’s a stupid rule, Erik. But I didn’t make the decision, To- mister Hiddleston did.”

“Your life must be so easy,” Erik told her enviously. “You’ve got a rich stepfather who just gives you a great position in his company one day. Everyone else here has actually worked hard to get their jobs, but you just come here one day and think you’re better than all the rest.”

“What?” Nina asked confusedly. “I don’t think I’m better than everyone else,” she told him truthfully. “A lot of the time I actually think that I don’t deserve to be here.”

“Good, because you don’t,” Erik told her irritably. “Your stepfather should have let you work from the bottom up. That way you might have learned to appreciate how lucky you actually are. But instead he lets you remain a spoiled brat.”

Nina didn’t know what to say to that, so she just went back to her desk. She drank some of the fluid replacement and filled her coffee cup with her energy drink before putting the can on the floor like Erik had done. She took a couple of deep breaths to compose herself and stop herself from bursting into tears at Erik’s hurtful comments.

“Are you alright?” Stina asked and stopped by her desk. She put a hand on Nina’s shoulder, while balancing a tray of hot drinks with the other hand, and smiled encouragingly at her.

“I’m just tired, that’s all,” Nina replied and forced herself to smile.

“I’ll bring mister Cumberbatch and mister Hiddleston their coffees now. Perhaps you should bring mister Scott his tea?” Stina suggested helpfully. “You always seem to be in a better mood after you’ve spoken to him.”

“Thanks, I will,” Nina said as she stood up and grabbed the cup of tea from the tray.

She headed into Andrew’s office and was greeted by one of his sunshine smiles.

“Is something wrong?” Andrew wondered concernedly as his smile faded away from his face. Nina put the tea down on his desk and shrugged. “Nina, talk to me,” he encouraged her. Nina sighed before she spoke.

“Do you think I’m a spoiled brat?” she asked, causing him to smile again.

“A little bit, sometimes,” he replied honestly. “But I don’t see anything wrong with that. I think you’ve grown a lot as a person since you first started working here.

“But I’m not so sure that I deserve to be here,” she told him sadly.

“You do deserve to be here,” Andrew assured her as he got out of his seat to put an arm around her shoulders. “You’re doing a great job and I wouldn’t want anyone else as my secretary. Do you hear that? You do deserve to be here. You’ve earned your spot,” he told her keenly.

“Thank you, Andrew,” Nina told him emotionally and smiled as he hugged her. She truly loved his hugs, they made her feel cared for.

Right after lunch break, before Nina had begun to work, the phone rang. It was Josef, Andrew's partner. 

"Hi, Nina, it's Josef. Do you have time to talk?" came the familiar voice at the other end of the line. 

"I suppose I could grant you a couple of minutes of my precious time," Nina replied with a smile. 

"Great. So what's new with you?" Josef asked. 

"Nothing much… well, I went on a date last night," Nina told him as she began sorting the mail on her desk into different piles. 

"A date? Oh, do tell," Josef said excitedly. "Who's the lucky guy?" 

"Girl," Nina corrected. "Her name is Stina and she's a colleague of mine."

"A workplace romance! That's so sweet," Josef said brightly. "How did the date go?" 

"It went well, I suppose. I spent the night," Nina revealed, smiling as she heard Josef gasp into the receiver. 

"Oh, you naughty girl," he commented in exaggerated shock.

"Oh, you have no idea how naughty I can be," Nina whispered playfully into the receiver, causing Josef to gasp again. "Unfortunately, I need to go now, Josef. Would you like me to pass along a message to Andrew?"

"Tell him that I love him and to buy some wine on the way home. The expensive kind," Josef requested. 

"Okay, I'll make sure he receives your message," Nina replied as she scribbled down the message on a post-it. "Have a nice day, Josef."

"You too, Nina."

Nina smiled to herself as she hung up the phone. Josef called nearly every day, asking her about how she was, and to pass on some sweet messages to his partner. She quite enjoyed his calls when she wasn't too busy to stop what she was doing for a chat. She had told him that right after lunch was a good time for him to call, which he seemed to have remembered.

"Andrew," Nina said as he entered the open plan office space she shared with fourteen colleagues. Her desk was at the front, a bit away from the others'. "Josef called. He asked me to tell you he loves you and that you should buy some expensive wine on your way home," she said, passing him the post-it note. 

"Thanks, Nina," Andrew said, grabbing the pink little piece of paper. "He's not disturbing your work, is he?" he added concernedly. 

"Not at all, we only talk for a few minutes. It's kind of nice, actually. I find myself looking forward to his calls," Nina told him honestly. Andrew’s face lit up at her words and he smiled widely. 

"I'm so glad to hear that," he told her and looked genuinely happy as he walked towards his office.

As the working day finally came to an end, Tom walked up to her desk like he usually did. 

"Are you coming home with me today?" he wondered. 

"Sure," Nina said and grabbed her backpack from under the desk.

"How was your day?" Tom asked as they walked to the car. 

"It was brutal," Nina complained. "I'm never drinking the day before work ever again," she told him. 

"Sounds like a good idea," Tom agreed amusedly.

"How was your day?" Nina asked. 

"It was good, thanks for asking," Tom replied with a smile. "It's been a long week."

“Indeed it has,” Nina agreed, and realised that she had managed to avoid being near Benedict for more than a few minutes at a time ever since the incident on Monday. He hadn’t insisted that they would talk either, which was a great relief. He probably got the hint that she wanted nothing more to do with him. She needed to stay away from him as much as possible, because the feelings of guilt were overwhelming, and what they were doing wasn’t right. It was unfair to Benedict’s wife as well as his children. She didn’t want to tear that beautiful family apart.

“You’ve seemed very focused on your work this week,” Tom commended her once they had gotten into the car.

“Thanks. I’ve tried,” Nina replied and smiled as Tom put on some country music. His music taste was very varied to say the least, she never knew what he would put on next. Her smile faded slightly as she listened to the lyrics.

‘Your cheatin’ heart  
Will make you weep  
You’ll cry and cry  
And try to sleep  
But sleep won’t come  
The whole night through  
Your cheatin’ heart  
Will tell on you’

Nina sometimes had trouble sleeping when she thought about Benedict’s family, and wondered if Benedict was suffering through a similar sense of guilt. She was kind of hoping he was. That way he might stop doing things he shouldn’t be doing. 

Nina went for a walk that evening, making sure to pass by Benedict’s house. She wanted to see what he was doing. Was he spending time with his family? Was he a good father who didn’t neglect his childrenwhen he was at home? She felt like a creep as she sneaked into the garden and glanced through the living room window. The whole family was gathered. Benedict was sitting on the floor in front of the TV playing a videogame with his oldest son, while Sophie was sitting on the sofa reading a book to their youngest son.

Nina was just about to turn around and walk away, when Benedict seemingly by chance looked up right at her. Her eyes widened with horror before she ran across the garden and climbed over the garden fence. She kept running for a bit before finally slowing down and beginning her walk home. After a moment, her phone rang from a number she didn’t recognise and she picked up.

“Seriously, Nina. What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” It was Benedict’s angry voice on the other end of the line. His anger was probably justified, but she was angry too. How could he be so two-faced? “Answer me! Damn it!”

“Do you ever feel so guilty that you can’t sleep at night?” Nina asked him. She could hear Benedict’s heavy sigh.

“You can’t come around my house just to make me feel guilty,” Benedict told her seriously, his voice calmer now. “Do you have trouble sleeping, Nina?”

“Sometimes,” Nina admitted. “Sometimes I wake up crying. Do you feel guilty, Ben?”

“Of course I do,” Benedict replied. “That’s why I get so angry with you when you come to my house like this, or say things to make Sophie suspicious.”

“If you’re feeling so guilty, then why don’t you come clean?” Nina questioned.

“Because that would ruin my marriage. Sophie would leave with the children,” Benedict told her.

“Your cheatin’ heart will tell on you,” Nina told him seriously. “You’re not as bad of a man as you try to convince yourself that you are, Ben. You do have a conscience and this will eat you up, like it does me.” She hung up before Benedict had the time to respond. She thought it was a good way to end their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	9. A Moon of My Own

Nina spent the weekend at home, bonding with baby William. She sang swedish songs to him and found that Tom was listening intently, trying to understand the lyrics. She ended up translating for him and teaching him swedish nursery rhymes and pop songs. 

"I want a moon of my own, that I can go to, and forget that you left me. I can sit on my moon, and do whatever I want, I'll stay there until everything's alright," Nina translated one of her mother's favourite songs for Tom.

"Thank you for translating," Tom told her with a warm smile. 

"No problem," Nina replied and continued to sing for her baby brother. "Jag är fattig bonddräng men jag lever ändå…" 

"What was that song about?" Tom asked curiously from the sofa where he was laying down and watching her interactions with the baby. 

"It's about a poor farmer boy who works hard everyday," Nina explained. "He gets drunk on Saturdays, gets into fights and sleeps with women. On Sundays he sleeps instead of going to church. Then the work week begins again. Eventually he dies and stands before God, regretful of his sins. But God forgives him and welcomes him into heaven."

"Is that really a children's song?" Tom questioned amusedly.

"The farm boy sings it in 'Emil i Lönneberga', so it’s sort of a children's song, I guess. Or maybe it's meant for the grown ups watching with their children," Nina replied. "It's written by Astrid Lindgren, so it’s for everyone."

"I see. I appreciate the existential theme," Tom told her. 

"Me too," Nina agreed and smiled at him. She realised that she enjoyed spending time in his company. Things had become different between them ever since they started working together. She felt like she knew him a bit better now, and ever since he became a father, she had seen a more sensitive side of him. He had expressed his worry for her in more tactful ways and they hadn't been arguing as much as they used to do.

“You’ve spent most weekends at home lately, is something up?” Nina’s mother asked her during dinner.

“I’ve just been tired from work, so I haven’t really felt like doing anything on the weekends,” Nina replied with a shrug.

“Perhaps you should work fewer hours if work is making you so tired,” Helena suggested, looking a bit concerned as she gently caressed her daughter’s cheek. “She could do that, right Tom?” 

“I’ve already offered that,” Tom replied, also assuming a look of concern as he looked at Nina. “The offer still stands.”

“No thanks, I’m good,” Nina insisted.

“But you don’t seem to have any energy left for your friends,” Helena objected.

“Isn’t that what life is like as a grown up? All work, no play, and then you die?” Nina questioned gloomily.

“Nina, are you getting depressed again? Are you taking your medications?” Helena asked concernedly.

Nina sighed heavily in response. “I can’t recall ever becoming undepressed,” she muttered and got up from the dinner table, grabbing her plate and glass. “Thanks for the food.”

“You’re welcome,” Tom replied as she left the dining room.

Nina threw away the rest of the food and placed the dishes in the dishwasher before heading to the fridge, grabbing another one of her precious energy drinks. At least they presented her with some joy in her quite lonely life. She would occassionally call Jim over for sex, but other than that, she spent most of her time alone. Nina’s loneliness had been a source of concern for her mother for many years. It had even gotten to the point that Nina sometimes went out for hour long walks, telling her mother that she was seeing a friend. She had done that a lot during the summer, taking a book with her to sit and read by the sea. Her favourite book was one that Tom had gifted her for her nineteenth birthday. It was called The Stranger and was about the absurdity of life and the feeling of alienation. Nina felt alienated a lot of the time, as though she did not belong anywhere in this world.

During the evening, Tom came by her room to check on her.

“Can I come in?” he requested and Nina nodded at him as she sat up in her bed, putting her laptop aside. “We worry about you.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Nina told him, pulling her knees up to her chest, hugging them.

“You seem... lonely,” Tom said carefully.

“I need to be alone a lot,” Nina told him. “Being around people takes a lot of energy.”

“Then maybe you should work shorter hours, so you have energy to do fun things with friends and not only work,” Tom suggested. Nina snorted in response.

“What friends?” she asked.

“How about the one you spent a lot of time with this summer? Viktoria?” Tom said.

“Viktoria is not real,” Nina admitted.

“What?” Tom asked confusedly.

“I made her up so mom wouldn’t worry so much about me being alone,” she explained.

“But you were away for hours at a time, sometimes all day and sometimes all night,” Tom said frowningly.

“Yeah, it was kind of fun actually, how you never figured it out when you never got to meet her,” Nina told him with a sad smile. “It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it? Making up imaginary friends when you’re twenty? And still living with your mother because you’re too afraid of what you would do to yourself if you had to live alone?” she confided in him.

“It’s not pathetic,” Tom said earnestly and put an arm around her shoulders. “I had no idea you were feeling that way. I thought you lived with your mom because you were comfortable that way, not because you were afraid to live alone.”

“Please don’t tell mom about this. I’ve told her that Viktoria moved to Stockholm, so please don’t tell her that she never even existed. She was so happy when she thought I had a best friend,” Nina pleaded.

“I won’t tell her. But I think you need to see someone about this. Didn’t you have a psychologist?” Tom asked.

“It didn’t work out between us, so I stopped going,” Nina reminded him.

“Right,” Tom remembered. “How about finding you a new one. I’ll be more than happy to pay for it.”

“You don’t have to pay for it,” Nina told him. “You gave me a job, remember? I can pay for therapy myself now. Especially as I’m living here for free.”

“I want you to save your money for the future or use them to have fun. I’m paying for your therapy,” Tom insisted.

“I never even agreed that I would go see a therapist,” Nina said.

“Please, see a therapist. It would give your mother and I some peace of mind to know that you have someone to talk to about those things,” Tom pleaded.

“I'll think about it,” Nina told him.

“Thank you,” Tom said with an appreciative smile.

The weekend passed and it was soon Monday again. Nina looked up to see Benedict standing by her desk. He didn’t look pleased. He was probably still upset by the fact that she had spied on him and his family.

“I would like to have a word with you in my office, miss Andersson,” he requested calmly, seemingly holding back on his anger. Nina looked up at him defiantly.

“How about no?” she told him irritably. She didn’t want to be alone with him, because she would probably end up almost having sex with him.

“No?” he questioned incredulously and leaned down over the desk, so that their faces were just decimetres away from each other. She could feel the smell of his cologne and felt an involuntary thrill of excitement run through her body as she looked him in his darkened eyes. “My office now,” he told her firmly in a low voice.

“Fine,” Nina finally agreed, afraid that Benedict would make a scene otherwise. He looked like he could barely contain his anger. She glanced over her shoulder at her colleagues as she followed him to his office. They all seemed busy doing their jobs, not taking notice of what was going on between her and Benedict. She felt relieved. It would be embarrassing if they thought she made major work related mistakes that would have one of her bosses get angry with her. While she had made a major mistake, at least it was not work related.

Benedict shut the curtain and locked the door, just like he had done preceding week. Nina swallowed nervously. Was he going to beat her again? She knew she would agree to it, even if she wished she would have had the integrity and self-respect to tell him no.

"What the hell were you thinking sneaking around my house?" he demanded angrily. "What if Sophie had seen you?" 

"Then you would probably be able to come up with a good lie to explain my presence. Because it comes naturally to you, doesn't it? Lying," Nina told him bitterly.

"I hate lying to my wife," Benedict told her. "I already told you that."

"Then don't give yourself any reasons to lie," she replied.

He approached her angrily and Nina found herself slapping him hard across the face. He looked at her in astonishment for a brief moment, then grabbed her by the arm dragging her with him towards the desk. Nina felt herself grow moist between the legs and a tingling sensation in her lower abdomen as he bent her over the desk. She shut her eyes tightly as he pressed her face down against the desk surface and she bit her lip hard as she braced herself for the pain to come. Benedict slapped her bottom hard with his hand several times, before undoing his belt. This time, he waited between the lashes for Nina to recover before landing the next one across her buttocks. Nina whimpered slightly as she neared her limit and he stopped hitting her with the belt. He roughly grabbed her ass, squeezing it with his hands before rolling up her tight pencil skirt over her hips. Nina gasped as he unexpectedly ripped her tights open in the groin and put his hand between her thighs.

“You naughty girl,” he told her as he felt how wet she was. He touched her, moved the thong to the side and entered her with two fingers at a time. He fingerfucked her until he felt her convulse around him, she was shuddering with pleasure and panting heavily. “Did you come?” he asked smirkingly as she stood up and turned around towards him. She put her arms around his neck and brought him into a kiss. They made out and she began to feel horny again. She touched his erect penis through his trousers and stroked it eagerly.

“Fuck me,” she whispered lustfully into his ear. She didn’t need to ask twice. Benedict lifted her up on the desk, undid his black trousers and released his erect penis. Nina smiled satisfiedly at the sight of it before it entered her. “Fuck me hard,” she requested, and he did. She had to bite her lip hard to suppress a loud moan as he fucked her quickly. She orgasmed again and he pulled out of her.

“On your knees,” he ordered, his voice demanding and his eyes darkened with lust. Nina fell to her knees before him and viciously smiled up at him. “Open your mouth,” he said and she quickly obeyed. She felt like a porn star as he ejaculated into her mouth. “Swallow,” Benedict said, but she grimaced in disgust and shook her head at him as she got up to spit out his cum into his coffee cup.

“Oh, you naughty girl,” Benedict commented with a grin as he watched her trying to make herself look presentable.

“How’s my makeup?” she asked him and he looked at her closely before running his thumbs underneath her eyes, wiping away some mascara.

“Did you cry?” he asked her surprisedly as he continued to gently wipe mascara from her cheeks.

“A little bit,” Nina admitted with a shrug and managed to smile at him. The guilt had overwhelmed her the moment she orgasmed for the second time.

“Your makeup probably needs some touch ups, but it looks fine,” Benedict told her as he pulled out his wallet from his pocket. He took out a thousand krona bill and handed it to her. “For a morning-after pill,” he explained as she looked at him confusedly. “I think I might have come a little bit inside of you.”

“You’re making me feel like a cheap whore,” Nina muttered, but accepted the money. Benedict pulled out a couple of more bills from his wallet and tried giving them to her. “No thanks,” she told him and refused to take the money.

“Do you promise you will take a morning-after pill?” he asked her as she turned to leave.

“Of course, I don’t want a child with someone like you,” Nina told him irritably.

“Don’t forget to take the coffee cup with you,” Benedict reminded her with a smirk. Nina angrily went back towards his desk and grabbed the coffee cup, before stalking out of his office. What the hell had she just done?

Nina went into the kitchen and angrily threw the coffee cup into the trash. She then proceeded to kick the trash can until a familiar voice interrupted her.

“Did mister Cumberbatch yell at you again?” Stina asked concernedly.

“He did,” Nina replied, her eyes filling up with tears. Stina went up to her and hugged her.

“I’m sorry that he’s being such an ass to you,” Stina told her sympathetically. “If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”

“Thank you, Stina,” Nina told her appreciatively and tightened the hug. They stood like that for a long moment until another colleague entered the kitchen.

“Nina, what’s the company’s policy on workplace relationships?” Erik asked her provocatively. He must have somehow heard about their date.

“It’s fine, as long as you’re keeping it professional at work,” Nina told him as she stepped away from Stina.

“That didn’t look very professional to me,” Erik told her.

“It was just a hug, Erik,” Stina told him and smiled carefreely at him. “I can give you one too, if you like,” she offered cheerfully. “You look like you could use one.”

“No thanks,” Erik said with a grimace and hurriedly left the kitchen.

Nina and Stina shared amused looks before heading back to work.

Nina felt weighed down by guilt for what she had done, but somehow managed to get through the workday. Benedict cheerfully told her goodbye before heading homewards and she replied with an exaggeratedly gleeful ‘see you tomorrow!’ Her smile faded the moment he turned away from her and was replaced by a dark glare.

“What are you glaring at Ben for?” Andrew asked her curiously and she flinched. She hadn’t noticed him standing there a few metres away, watching her interaction with Benedict. “Did something happen?”

“He yelled at me,” Nina said and noticed Stina looking at them from a distance. She couldn’t exactly tell Andrew the truth, now could she? She felt like she wanted to come clean to someone about it, but didn’t know who.

“What for?” Andrew asked and Nina searched her mind for some error she could have made that would make Benedict yell at her.

“I misspelled his name in an important mail,” she lied. “I wrote Cucumberbatch and he found it humiliating.” She couldn’t help but smile at her own lie. Andrew returned her smile.

“I see,” he said amusedly. “I could talk to him about treating you more gently, if you like,” he offered, but Nina shook her head at him in response.

“I’m fine. Now that it’s over, I do find it kind of funny,” she assured him with a genuinely bright smile. She wanted so badly to believe her own lie. How great it would have been if only it had been true.

But it wasn’t true. On the way home, Tom put on her mother’s favourite song about wanting a moon of your own to go to and stay there until everything was alright again. Nina’s filled with tears as she thought about how she just wanted to escape somewhere far away from everything. She wanted a moon of her own to go to.

“Are you alright?” Tom asked her concernedly.

“Yes, I was just thinking about Ted,” Nina told him.

“Ted Gärdestad? Who sings the song?” Tom asked her.

“Yeah. I was thinking about how beautifully he sang and how sadly he died. He killed himself,” Nina told him sadly.

“That’s very tragic,” Tom replied seriously and threw her concerned looks for the rest of the car ride home.

“I’m going for a walk,” Nina informed her mother and Tom after taking a shower and getting dressed into a pair of jeans and a David Bowie t-shirt.

“But dinner is almost ready,” her mother objected.

“I’ll eat when I get back,” Nina assured her and put her shoes and jacket on. Tom took out the trash bags out of the kitchen bins and put on a pair of slippers, following her out.

“Nina,” he said as they reached the bins outside the house. She turned around to look at him. He had a concerned look on his face. “You’re not thinking about doing something rash, are you?” he asked her seriously. Nina frowned slightly and then remembered their conversation in the car earlier.

“I’m not thinking of killing myself, if that’s what you’re talking about,” she told him frankly.

“Good,” Tom replied with a brief smile. His blue eyes still conveyed concern. “Don’t be too long or we’ll get worried.”

“I’m twenty years old,” Nina reminded him. “Not a kid, I can look after myself.”

“I know. But I still want you to be careful and not stay out too long,” Tom insisted. “Remember that you have work tomorrow.”

“I know. See you in a bit,” Nina told him.

Nina just kept walking as she listened to music and tried not to think too much about what was weighing her down. Eventually, she sat down by a lake and looked at the full moon in the sky. Its light was mirrored by the water surface of the lake and she found it breathtakingly beautiful. She turned off the music on her phone and sang softly to herself where she sat on the rocks. She sang the song about the moon as tears rolled down her face. She imagined what Ted must have felt like during his last moments of life and was filled by death agony. She put her phone and headphones down on the rocks before standing up. She looked at the water surface and dived into the cold water with her clothes on. As she reached the surface, Nina gasped at how cold it was and swam back up to the rocks where she climbed up and grabbed her phone.

She was shuddering with cold as she walked back home in soaking wet clothes. As she got inside, Tom came to greet her in the hallway and looked at her in shock.

“What happened?” he asked frowningly.

“I fell,” Nina lied.

“Should I put your phone in a bag of rice?” he offered.

“The phone is fine,” Nina told him. Tom looked at her suspiciously.

“You didn’t fall, did you?” he asked frankly. Nina shrugged at him. “I asked you not to do anything rash.”

“It wasn’t rash, I spared my phone and headphones,” Nina objected.

“Your lips are blue. Come, let’s go down to the basement so your mother doesn’t see you like this,” Tom told her, putting a gentle arm around her shoulder as he walked her down to the basement. “Clothes off and step in the shower, I’ll get you some dry clothes,” he instructed and respectfully turned away as Nina immodestly began to take her clothes off in front of him. She wasn’t trying to seduce him or anything, she was just too cold to care if he saw her naked body.

Nina took a hot shower and smiled sadly to herself as she found a towel and clothes laid out for her. Tom was always being so nice and gentle towards her. For once she felt grateful that he was a little bit boring and not more like Benedict. She realised that she would never be able to live with the guilt if she managed to get Tom to be unfaithful to her mother. She got dressed and went upstairs to find Tom on the sofa in the living room. She walked up to him and smiled.

“Thank you for being so boring,” she told him, causing him to laugh surprisedly.

“I don’t think I’m that boring,” he objected as she sat down in the armchair next to the sofa.

“You’re just the right amount of boring,” Nina said. “I mean it as a compliment.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Tom told her amusedly. “You seem a bit happier now.”

“I am,” Nina told him with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	10. Merely a Setback

For the first time since she started working at the office, Nina called in sick. Tom looked at her concernedly and took her temperature before he had to head off to work. She didn't have a fever and there was nothing physically wrong with her, she was just feeling like she couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed. The guilt was like a much too heavy weighted blanket over her.

Her mother came inside her room several times throughout the day, expressing her worry and trying to get her to eat or drink something. She even brought up one of Nina’s energy drinks from downstairs in hopes of getting her to ingest at least something other than some water along with her medications. But Nina just remained in bed all day, trying to sleep as much as possible. It was not a good day, and she just wanted it to be over.

When Tom came home from work, he had a colourful flower bouquet with him from Stina. There was a little card on it reading ‘Get well soon. Love, Stina.’

“I’ll put those in a vase for you,” Helena told her with a smile and soon came back with the flowers placed in an old vase that she had always been very careful with and only brought forward on special occasions.

“But that’s grandmother’s old vase, what if I break it?” Nina objected as her mother smilingly put down the antique vase on her bedside table.

“Darling, I want you to have it. That’s why I’ve been so careful with it all those years. Last I checked you are no longer throwing bouncing balls around the house, so you have nothing to worry about,” Helena assured her. Nina smiled briefly at the mention of bouncing balls. It had been a subject of discussion when she was a child not to throw bouncing balls around the house.

“Good old times,” Nina reminisced. “I believe I might still have some left somewhere. I’ll save them for Will for when he’s old enough.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” her mother laughed and gently caressed her cheek. “It’s good to see you smile. Maybe you’ve just had an off day. Should we try turning it around?” she suggested.

“Okay,” Nina agreed and climbed out of bed. She went downstairs to hang out with Tom and the baby as her mother cooked dinner.

“Are you feeling any better?” Tom asked as she slumped down next to him on the sofa. He handed over the baby to her and the two siblings cuddled. He was barely awake and smiled one of his toothless smiles that made her heart melt.

“I love him so much,” Nina said, avoiding his question.

“So do I. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Tom told her sincerely.

“He’s the best thing that ever happened to me too. I want to see him grow up,” Nina said emotionally. She did want to see what kind of person her little brother would grow up to be, and she couldn’t do that if she decided to end her own life.

“It’s going to be amazing. We have so much to look forward to as a family,” Tom told her with a warm smile. “I’ll probably regret saying this, but I can’t wait until he gets old enough for you to teach him pranks. He’s going to love it.”

They continued to talk about the future, and Nina felt a sting of bad consciousness for having considered giving all of that up in a particularly dark moment.

“You know I’m here if you need to talk, right? About anything at all,” Tom told her earnestly and she smiled gratefully at him. “I’ve noticed that there’s been something weighing you down lately. I wish you would talk to someone about it.”

“You want me to see a psychologist,” Nina concluded.

“I’ve been recommended one. He’s english speaking, but you don’t mind that, do you?” Tom asked.

“Who recommended him and why?” Nina asked suspiciously.

“Andrew mentioned that he and Josef had seen a therapist, and that he strongly would recommend him if me or anyone I knew needed someone to talk to,” Tom explained. Nina nodded in response. During one of their numerous chats over the phone, Josef had actually mentioned that he and Andrew were seeing a couples therapist.

“Okay, I suppose I could give it a shot,” Nina agreed with a shrug. Perhaps she could come clean about her troubles to a therapist. It couldn’t hurt to try, now could it?

“Really?” Tom asked, seemingly expecting some more resistance from her. “I’ll call him right away,” he said, picking up his phone.

Tom left the room for some privacy and came back a couple of minutes later with a smile on his face. “He could see you tomorrow at nine,” he informed her.

“That’s early,” Nina sighed, having planned to sleep most of the day away.

“I take it you’re not planning on coming to work tomorrow either,” Tom assumed and looked at her thoughtfully.

“I still have a stomach ache,” Nina insisted and refocused her attention to her little brother. “Who’s a cute baby boy? You are. Oh, yes, you are.”

“I’ll make sure someone drives you there if I can’t do it myself. He has a home office and it’s a bit far to walk if you get there by bus,” Tom informed her. Nina didn’t have a driver’s license, so she couldn’t drive there herself, and her mother would rather not drive at all if she could avoid it.

“Okay, thanks,” Nina replied and smiled appreciatively at him. She felt both nervous and good about seeing a therapist, now that she had a real dilemma to talk about. In her earlier experiences with therapy, she had found it hard to put into words what exactly was wrong in her life. She had so many reasons to be happy and grateful, yet she wasn’t. Now she had something more substantial to talk about.

The next morning, Nina was woken up by her mother who told her to get dressed quickly so she wouldn’t be late for her therapy. Tom was outside in his car waiting for her. Newly awakened and confused, Nina quickly cleaned herself up in the bathroom before throwing some clothes on. She didn’t have time to apply any makeup or even brush her hair.

“Here, put your hair up,” her mother advised and handed her a hair elastic once she got downstairs. Nina put her hair up in a sloppy bun on her head and went to the fridge to grab an energy drink. “Perhaps he could hypnotise you into stop drinking those,” her mother told her humorously. Nina snorted at her mother’s comment before hurriedly heading out the door.

“Are you good to go?” Tom asked her and started the car. Nina nodded and grimaced slightly as she looked at herself in the rearview mirror. She didn’t like how she was looking without makeup on.

“I look like shit,” she muttered to herself.

“You look beautiful, as always,” Tom assured her. The drive to the therapist’s office went by rather quickly. “I’ll be back in an hour to pick you up,” Tom informed her before she reluctantly got out of the car.

Nina felt nervous as she slowly walked up to the house with the energy drink in her hand. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves before ringing the doorbell. She instantly regretted not putting on any makeup the moment she saw the handsome man who opened the door. He was surprisingly muscular for a therapist and quite tall, his hair was dark, his eyes greyish blue and he had a friendly smile on his perfectly chiseled face.

“You must be Nina,” the man greeted her and held out his hand towards her. She blushed as she moved the energy drink from her right hand to her left in order to shake his hand. “I’m Henry.”

“Hej, hi,” Nina mumbled awkwardly in response. Why did he have to be so excruciatingly hot? “I’m sorry I look like a disaster, I forgot to set an alarm,” she apologised once she noticed how nicely dressed he was in a blue checkered shirt, black tie, brown jacket and matching pants.

“You don’t need to apologise about your appearance,” Henry assured her and showed her to his office down the hall. “This way.”

Nina seated herself on the sofa and placed her energy drink on the coffee table as she watched Henry take the seat in the armchair opposite to her. “I can see that you already have something to drink,” he noted and motioned towards the energy drink on the table as he picked up the notepad and a pen from the coffee table. Nina nodded wordlessly and looked around the office which was decorated with dark wooden furniture and had a homey feel to it. It was a vast contrast to the mostly white and sterile therapist’s offices she had visited before.

“So Nina, would you like to tell me about what brings you here today?” Henry said and Nina sighed softly.

“I don’t know,” she replied, unsure if she was willing to tell him the truth about how much she had messed up her life lately. When the therapist looked at her thoughtfully through his black rimmed glasses, Nina added; “My mom and my stepfather thought I should go see a therapist, and someone recommended you.”

“I see,” the therapist replied. “So are you here only because your mother and stepfather wanted you to come here?” he wondered.

“That’s partly why,” Nina replied and searched her mind for what to say next. “I haven’t been feeling so good lately.”

“Would you like to elaborate what you mean when you say that you’ve not been feeling so good?” Henry requested as he looked at her with interest.

“Well, I’ve been feeling bad a lot lately… like, I’ve felt guilty and ashamed. I feel like I’m a horrible person.”

“Those are very difficult feelings to have,” Henry told her empathically. “Do you think those feelings are justified or may they be blown out of proportion?” he asked her as he took down some notes on his notepad.

“I think they are justified,” Nina admitted embarrassedly. “I wish they weren’t, but they are.”

“And why is that?” Henry questioned and looked at her inquiringly. She felt as though he was looking straight into her soul and instantly broke eye contact with him. She picked up her energy drink from the table and took a sip before putting it back down again. “I notice that my question is making you uncomfortable, so I’ll ask you about some other things instead. How would you describe your relationship with your mother?” 

“It’s alright I guess. We’ve always been pretty close, but I don’t feel like I can tell her everything, because I don’t want to make her worried. Especially now that she has to take care of my little brother. He’s only three weeks old,” Nina told him.

“Congratulations on getting a baby brother. What’s his name?” the therapist asked.

“Thanks. His name is William,” Nina said with a smile. “I was with them in the delivery room when he was born. It was the most powerful moment of my life.”

As they continued to talk about her family and her close relationships, Nina came to realise that the one she had been talking to the most about personal things lately was Tom. The hour went by quickly as they mapped out her social relationships and talked about each of the people she mentioned. It was nice, Nina thought to herself as she got herself ready to leave the office. Their chat had made her realise that she wasn’t as alone in the world as she sometimes felt. She had her mother, Tom, Stina, Jim and a whole bunch of other people she could contact if she wanted to go out for a coffee or beer. They decided together that she should take up contact with her father before their next meeting following week.

“How did it go?” Tom asked interestedly once she got in the car with him. Nina smiled at him and shrugged.

“It went well, I suppose. He gave me an assignment,” she told him.

“What was the assignment?” Tom asked curiously.

“That I should take up contact with my father. It’s been months since I last saw him,” Nina explained.

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Tom said with a smile. He had always been the bigger person when it came to her father, who seemed to despise Tom for no other reason than that he was Nina’s stepfather and rich.

Nina smiled as she thought about her father who worked in a warehouse and despised the middle and upper class. He had divorced her mother when Nina was ten, but still seemed upset and jealous when Tom came into the picture when Nina had just turned eighteen. Her father had claimed that her mother only wanted Tom for his money, which she always thought was ridiculous since Tom had never been anything but a gentleman. Her mother would probably have fallen for his charms even if he had been poor.

“I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but when do you think you’ll be back to work?” Tom asked her as they approached their house.

“I suppose I could come back tomorrow,” Nina replied with a shrug.

“Really?” Tom asked, seemingly surprised by her answer.

“Yeah, I think I’m done feeling bad for myself,” she told him and made a slight grimace as she thought about her own behaviour of trying to shut out the rest of the world when what she really wanted was to be a part of it.

When she got home, Nina offered to take baby William out for a walk to let her mother have some rest. Her tired looking mother gratefully accepted the offer and Nina felt a sense of pride as she walked down the street with her little brother in the baby carriage. In the park, she saw other people in various ages playing with their children or walking around with baby carriages and strollers. She smiled to herself as she thought about how some people probably assumed that she was William’s mother. She imagined for a moment what it would be like to have a baby of her own, and that’s when she remembered that she had completely forgotten about the morning-after pill after having sex with Benedict.

With a sense of urgency, Nina went to the closest pharmacy and bought a morning-after pill. The pharmacists smiled at her and baby William, probably assuming that he was hers. Nina smiled proudly as they spoke softly to her little brother. She felt no need to correct anyone who thought he was her child.

When Nina got back home with William, she noticed that Tom’s car was in the driveway. She knew that he would sometimes come home during lunch breaks and smiled as she brought William with her inside.

“There you are,” Tom greeted them smilingly and carefully took the baby from Nina as she kicked off her shoes.

“How did it go? Is he hungry?” Helena asked, walking up to them.

“It went well. He slept most of the time, except for when we were at the pharmacy. He charmed everyone working there,” Nina informed her mother with a smile.

“That’s nice,” her mother replied with a smile as she reached out for her baby. “He’s sucking his hands, I think he’s hungry,” she told Tom who reluctantly handed over his son to her.

“What were you doing at the pharmacy?” Tom asked Nina once her mother had gone into the living room.

“Oh… I bought… caffeine pills,” Nina said slowly, grimacing slightly at how bad she was at coming up with a quick lie. She should never have mentioned the pharmacy.

“You shouldn’t take too much of those things,” Tom warned her, seemingly believing her lie. “You already ingest enough caffeine as it is in your energy drinks,” he said and held out his open hand towards her. “Give them to me.”

“N-no,” Nina huffed and took a step backwards.

“Why not? Are you hiding something?” Tom asked suspiciously. “If it’s ephedrine I-”

“It’s not ephedrine,” Nina sighed and took out the morning-after pill from her pocket. “Damn it, Tom,” she muttered.

“Oh,” Tom uttered once he saw what it was and blushed slightly. “I’m proud of you for taking responsibility.”

“Mhm,” Nina muttered and walked past him into the kitchen, where she grabbed an energy drink from the fridge to swallow down the morning-after pill with.

“I’m sorry for accusing you of taking ephedrine again,” Tom told her regretfully. “I just really care about you.”

“But you’ll throw me out if I start taking them again, how’s that caring?” Nina questioned irritably.

“I wouldn’t throw you out to live on the streets, but I would make sure to get you into rehab if you should need it,” Tom told her seriously. He crossed his arms as he watched her take the pill. “Did Jim come over yesterday?” he asked and Nina stared at him in horror. Was he onto her and Benedict? She frowned slightly as she shook her head. She had been alone in bed all day yesterday, which Tom would find out if he asked her mother about it.

“I met him on Monday, when I was out on a walk, if you necessarily have to know,” Nina told him brittly.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Tom apologised but kept looking at her inquiringly.

“Did you want to ask about anything else? What position we used perhaps? Or whether we had sex outdoors or not?” Nina questioned impudently.

Tom grimaced in response to her insolence and shook his head at her. “No, I was just thinking about something. Forget about it. It wasn’t about you,” Tom told her uncomfortably. “I brought you some lunch, we’re eating in the living room,” he informed her. Nina looked at him stubbornly. “It’s salad,” Tom added, causing her to smile a little. How could she possibly stay angry with him for being too inquisitive, when he was being so sweet?

Following day, Nina went to work with Tom. She yawned largely and leaned back in the passenger seat of the car with her eyes shut.

“I heard that Benedict shouted at you for misspelling his name,” Tom told her, causing her to open her eyes and look at him. “Does that have something to do with why you didn’t want to come to work?”

“A little bit,” Nina told him with a sigh as she recalled her fictive argument with Benedict.

“Well, I told him not to shout at you again, so you shouldn’t need to worry about that,” Tom assured her, causing her to blush in embarrassment for having caused Benedict trouble for something that didn’t even happen. “I also told him that if you need ‘a talking to’ about something, he should let me or Andrew take care of it.”

“Okay, thanks. You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it,” Nina replied awkwardly, and blushed slightly as she thought about how Andrew’s talking to’s tended to include spankings.

Benedict asked Nina to come to his office once during the day, and to her surprise, he insisted that she should leave the door open as they talked.

“I just wanted to apologise about what happened. I shouldn’t have ‘shouted’ at you,” Benedict said with emphasis on the word shouted. Nina felt like he was really apologizing about what had actually happened between them.

“And I shouldn’t have misspelt your name,” Nina replied with an embarrassed smile as she thought about how she had asked him to fuck her. Benedict grinned widely in response, seemingly relieved and held out his hand towards her.

“Are we good?” he asked and she took his hand and shook it.

“We’re good,” she replied. As long as they could keep things professional they were good, she thought.

The two days at work before the weekend went well. Nina and Benedict had only work-related conversations and she made sure to always keep a distance between them to prevent any physical contact. Benedict obviously noticed, she could tell by his slightly raised eyebrow when she took detours to avoid him as they walked past each other. But he didn’t say anything about it. At some point, he even seemed amused by her efforts to stay away from him.

The weekend came, and Nina had dinner over at her father’s apartment. They ordered food since he didn’t particularly enjoy cooking and watched some TV together. They didn’t talk much, but that was okay because they didn’t need words in order to enjoy each other’s company. After a quiet afternoon in her father’s company, Nina took a long walk home instead of taking the bus. Her father would have given her a ride if he hadn’t had beer with his dinner. He expressed that he felt bad for not driving her home, but she assured him that it was alright. She also told him that Tom usually had wine with dinner during the weekends in order to make him feel better about himself.

“Did you have a good time at your dad’s?” Helena asked Nina once she got back home. Nina nodded in response and gave her mother a hug as tears filled her eyes.

“He seemed so lonely, mom,” Nina confided in her mother. “I should probably visit him more often.”

“I bet he would like that,” her mother encouraged. “But remember that it’s not your responsibility to make sure he’s not alone. He’s a grownup and he can take care of himself.”

“I know,” Nina sighed. “But still. I wish he would be able to spend more time with friends when he’s sober and not only when he’s drunk.”

“Well, we are all different when it comes to those things,” Helena said with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

“I know,” Nina said again. They had had this conversation before. “I’ll try to visit him more often. Maybe we could watch a movie next time.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” her mother agreed with a brilliant smile.

The weekend went by quickly. Too quickly for Nina’s liking. It felt like the weekend had just arrived and now it was time for work again.

Ever since their date, Nina and Stina had lunch together on a pretty much daily basis during the work week. A waiter at their most frequented restaurant jokingly referred to them as the twins, since they dressed so similarly and almost always ordered the same kinds of food. Nina very much enjoyed Stina’s company for lunch and was relieved that Stina never once commented on when Nina didn’t finish her food. It was bad enough that Tom and Andrew both seemed to have the habit of monitoring her food and caffeine intake.

As they got back to the office after lunch, the phone rang and Nina smiled as she instantly recognised the voice at the other end. It was Josef.

“Hi, Nina. Do you have time to talk?” he asked and she gladly told him yes. “How are things going with Stina?” he asked curiously.

“It’s pretty good. We have lunch together every day now,” Nina replied as she habitually began sorting the mail.

“Have you decided on having a second date yet?” Josef wondered. Nina frowned slightly as she realised that she hadn’t given it a moment of thought. Perhaps she should ask for a second date. Or was she looking for something serious?

“I haven’t really given it much thought,” Nina admitted and glanced over at Stina who had busied herself with work the moment she got back to the office. “She sent me flowers when I was sick. It was very sweet of her.”

“That is indeed very sweet. I have a feeling that she’s a keeper, Nina. You should ask her out for a second date,” Josef advised.

“But what should we do?” Nina asked insecurely.

“What do you like to do Nina?” Josef wondered.

“Go for long walks and watch different series on my computer,” Nina replied.

“Hmm… I could work with that,” Josef said and went silent for a moment. “Perhaps you could go for a walk, have a picnic and then go home to start watching a new series together?”

“But don’t you think she might find it boring?” Nina questioned.

“Nina, listen up. The whole point of dating is to get to know each other better, is it not?” Josef asked her, but didn’t wait for her reply. “Doing things you enjoy is a great way for Stina to get to know you.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Nina agreed, feeling inspired to try asking Stina out for a second date. “Thanks for the advice.”

Nina smiled up at Andrew as he stopped by her desk. ‘Is it Josef?’ he mouthed and she nodded in response. He shook his head smilingly at her and motioned for her to give him the phone.

“Josef... Nina has important work to do, you can’t keep calling her like this,” he admonished in a soft voice. “I know she said it’s alright, but she really needs to hang up now… Yes, I can… No, I don’t think that’s approp- Because I’m her boss… Fine, I’ll ask her… Yeah, I love you too. Bye.” Andrew hung up the phone and crossed his arms as he looked at Nina with a playfully admonishing look. “Having private conversations during work time, are we?” he asked her amusedly.

“Sorry, I was going to hang up,” Nina told him guiltily.

“Good, about that. Josef asked me if you could give him your private number. I tried to tell him that it was inappropriate, but he insisted I should ask,” Andrew told her with a dejected smile. “Of course you don’t have to.”

“I would love to,” Nina replied gleefully. “I need to keep him updated on how things are going with Stina. He’s really good at giving advice.”

Andrew’s face lit up at her response. “He is good at giving advice,” he agreed, and glanced over at Stina who was sitting by her desk typing at her keyboard. “So you and Stina, huh?” he commented and smiled warmly at her. “As long as you keep it professional.”

“Of course we will,” Nina replied.

“No sex in the toilets,” Andrew whispered to her, causing her to blush deeply. He smirked at her before walking off to his office. As soon as he was out of sight, Nina got up from her seat and walked over to where Stina was sitting.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked, causing Stina to look up at her with a bright smile that reached her green eyes. She nodded wordlessly. “Would you like to go out on a date with me this Saturday?”

“I thought you would never ask,” Stina replied happily. “Yes, I do.”

“Great. I’ll give you the details once I’ve figured them out,” Nina told her with a smile before walking back to her desk. She couldn’t stop smiling to herself as she kept working. Now she felt like she had something important to look forward to. Perhaps her gloomy mood last week was merely a setback? Perhaps things would only get better from now on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment if you like. <3


	11. The Great Pretender

On Tuesday morning, it was time for Nina’s second visit at the therapist’s office. This time she was considerably more put together than she had been the first time.

“Welcome, Nina,” Henry greeted her with a smile and let her inside.

Nina spoke to her therapist about her relationship to her father and her worries about his alcohol consumption and loneliness. She appreciated just letting it out and being validated in her worries. She then went on to talk about work, about her relationships to Andrew and Stina, but carefully avoided even mentioning Benedict. They spoke about her upcoming date and how she had something to look forward to. Henry agreed that it was important to have things to look forward to and gave her the assignment of listing things she looked forward to on a daily basis.

When their hour was up, Tom came to pick her up and drive her to work.

“How did it go?” he asked her with a smile once he noticed that she seemed happier than she had been before.

“It went well,” Nina replied as she put her seatbelt on. “He gave me another assignment. This time I’m going to list things that I look forward to every day.”

“Sounds like a good idea. It’s important to have things to look forward to,” Tom said approvingly.

“About that, where’s my energy drink?” Nina asked, noticing that the can wasn’t where she had left it. Tom sighed and opened the glovebox for her, revealing the energy drink. “Why did you put it there?” she questioned frowningly as she took it out and opened it.

“I was hoping that you would forget about it if you didn’t see it,” Tom told her truthfully.

“It hasn’t been a month yet, has it?” Nina questioned, causing him to roll his eyes at her. “Are you giving me an attitude, Tom?” she asked him amusedly, causing him to laugh.

“I suppose I am. Now I understand why you keep doing it, it’s liberating somehow,” he said with a wide smile.

“You’re such a dork,” Nina told him laughingly.

“As long as it makes you happy, I’m okay with being a dork,” Tom replied, shaking his head as he smiled at how amused she would get at his expense.

Nina was in a good mood that day, until she realised that she had made the error of paying the same bill twice. She called the company she had paid the bill to and was promised the money back, but she still felt bad for making such a mistake. She simply couldn’t let it go no matter how hard she tried. With a heavy sigh, she went to Andrew’s office to come clean about her mistake. He wasn’t in the least upset with her because as he said it was an honest mistake and she did manage to solve it by herself. But Nina still felt on the verge of tears. Andrew hugged her and she began to cry.

“I feel like such a bad person.” Once the words left her lips, Nina realised that she wasn’t really that upset about her mistake with the bill, but about her mistake with Benedict. “I’m a horrible person, Andrew. You should fire me.”

“Hey, easy there. What’s going on Nina? This is not really about the bill, is it?” Andrew asked her insightfully. “You’re feeling guilty about something else.”

“I can’t tell you what it is, so don’t even ask,” Nina told him sadly. “I’m truly horrible, Andrew.”

“I don’t think that. Whatever it is you have done, I don’t believe you’re a horrible person,” Andrew told her.

“I want to die,” Nina told him desperately. “I should open the window and jump right out of it.”

Andrew sighed heavily as he broke the hug. “Nina,” he told her seriously and placed a hand on each of her shoulders. “Look at me. I get that you’re very upset about something you’ve done, but nothing you could have done justifies suicide. I don’t want to hear you say anything like that ever again, is that understood?” he asked her. Nina lowered her gaze in shame. “Look at me,” Andrew repeated and she looked up at him again. “If you want a spanking, just ask for it and I’ll give you one. It doesn’t have to be so dramatic,” he told her frankly. Nina broke eye contact with him in embarrassment. “Have I interpreted the situation correctly? Do you want me to spank you?” he asked straightforwardly.

“Yes,” Nina whispered and Andrew glanced down at his watch.

“As much as I would like to take you over my knee right now, I can’t. I have a virtual meeting in five minutes,” he informed her with a sigh. “I want you to think this through, Nina. If you still want a spanking by the end of the day, I’ll give you one. Just tell Tom that I need help with some paperwork and that I’ll drive you home afterwards.”

“Okay,” Nina agreed and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Thank you, Andrew. And I’m sorry about the drama.”

“Oh, trust me, you will be sorry if you come back here later,” Andrew promised, causing her to blush.

Nina spent the rest of the work day feeling more nervous than she felt overwhelmed by guilt. As the day came to an end, she found herself hesitating for a short moment before telling Tom that she was going to help Andrew with some paperwork. She swallowed nervously before slowly walking up to his office, knocking on the door.

“Come in,” Andrew called out and she hesitantly opened the door. “So you came,” he said from his desk and Nina chewed on her lip as she shut the door behind her. “Come here,” Andrew instructed, moving his chair back and patted his thigh. Nina felt a fluttering sensation in her abdomen as she lowered herself over his lap. “Are you sure about this?” he asked her and she nodded. “A verbal reply, please,” he insisted.

“Yes, sir,” Nina told him, causing Andrew to smile down at her. He had never asked her to call him sir, but he didn’t mind it.

“This time I won’t stop if you begin to cry, because I think you might need to cry it out. So what I want you to do when you want me to stop is to either tell me to stop or to say the word red,” Andrew instructed her. “If you want me to slow down, tell me so or use the word yellow,” he continued to explain. “It’s like a traffic light.”

“So green means go for it?” Nina asked and looked up at him over her shoulder.

“Exactly,” Andrew replied.

“Then green,” Nina said and shut her eyes as he began spanking her surprisingly hard. Had it really hurt this much the last time they did this? She wondered briefly what the hell was wrong with her, but the sharp pain in her buttocks stopped her mind from wandering and forced her to be in the present. “Ah, yellow,” she found herself saying after a particularly hard blow on her upper thigh. Andrew slowed down the pace and decreased the intensity of the blows. Nina kicked her legs and found herself crying as she let him continue to spank her. He didn’t use that much force anymore because it wasn’t necessary. Nina eventually stopped kicking and lay limp in his lap as she sobbed. Andrew proceeded to caress her back gently when she finally mumbled 'stop'.

There was a knock on the door and Nina quickly got out of Andrew’s lap and turned her back towards the door as she wiped away her tears.

“Here’s the report I was talking about,” Benedict announced, walking up to Andrew’s desk with a pile of papers.

“Thanks, Ben. I’ll take a look at it first thing in the morning,” Andrew replied.

Nina reluctantly turned around to look at Benedict, realising that it would be strange if she refused to. He smiled at her and frowned slightly at the signs of her crying.

“Are you okay, Nina?” Benedict asked attentively. Nina frowned in response to his surprising concern. He didn’t really care about her, so why did he express worry? Was this part of some manipulation plan of his?

“I’m fine,” Nina assured him. “I was sad about a mistake I made earlier, but I managed to solve it.”

“Oh, I see. Good for you. Are you headed home?” Benedict wondered.

“Yes, Andrew’s giving me a ride,” Nina replied coolly.

“I could give you a ride, it’s on the way,” Benedict offered. Nina reluctantly nodded in response. He was right, it was on the way for him, but a long detour for Andrew who lived in the opposite direction.

“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow then, Nina,” Andrew said as he got himself ready to leave for the day.

“Yeah, see you,” Nina replied with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

She was worried about getting in the car with Benedict. Worried about what she might do, especially now that she had just received a spanking. She tried to deny the fact that she was turned on by it, and the fact that she was painfully attracted to Benedict. But it was hard.

As she got into the car, Nina squirmed in the passenger seat, struggling to find a comfortable position.

“Something the matter?” Benedict asked somewhat amusedly. Did he somehow know what had just happened? The offices had a good sound isolation, so he probably hadn’t heard the spanking. But after all, he had been standing right by the door, so he might have heard parts of it anyway.

“No,” Nina told him bitterly as she tried not to squirm. She was so turned on that she wanted to just climb over the seat and make out with him. She wanted to ask him to fuck her, hard. But she didn’t. She knew better than to do that. After all, that was the whole point of the spanking she had just received; to alleviate some guilt and prevent her from repeating the same mistake.

She reached out and turned on the radio to distract herself with some music. It was some station playing rock music. Benedict smiled and turned up the volume once a song he seemed to particularly like came on. Nina glanced over at him in surprise as she recognised the song and listened carefully to the lyrics.

‘Oh, yes, I’m the great pretender  
Pretending I’m doing well  
My need is such I pretend too much  
I’m lonely but no one can tell

Oh, yes, I’m the great pretender  
Adrift in a world of my own  
I play the game, but to my real shame  
You’ve left me to dream all alone’

Nina couldn’t help but wonder if Benedict felt the way described in the song, or if he simply just liked it because it sounded good. The lyrics seemed fitting somehow, because in Nina’s eyes, Benedict sometimes seemed to live in a world of his own. In a world where he could have it all and not lose anything dear to him because of the mistakes he made. Nina also wondered if Benedict actually felt lonely, despite being more or less constantly surrounded by people.

The two of them didn’t speak much during the ride, just listened to the music. The surprisingly comfortable silence between them reminded Nina of spending time with her father. She blushed as she realised that Benedict was actually old enough to be her father, being more than twice her own age.

“Thanks for the ride,” Nina said as the car came to a stop outside her house.

“You’re quite welcome,” Benedict replied with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He seemed sad somehow, Nina thought. She wanted to say something to comfort him, but didn’t know what.

“You are a great pretender,” she found herself saying. “But try not to pretend too much, because reality might just catch up with you,” she advised him before shutting the car door. What was that? That wasn’t comforting, she thought to herself as she walked up to her house.

“Right on time,” Tom told her and handed her the potato peeler once she had taken her shoes and jacket off and was about to head upstairs. “I need help peeling the potatoes. I’m making shepherd’s pie,” he told her excitedly. She grimaced in response but reluctantly followed him into the kitchen. It seemed like it was time for yet another one of Tom’s household chores bonding moments.

“I hate peeling potatoes,” Nina complained.

“Would you rather cut the onions?” Tom offered.

“I hate that even more,” Nina replied poutingly, causing Tom to smile amusedly.

“How about we try to enjoy ourselves?” Tom suggested cheerfully. Why was he in such a good mood? Nina wondered sullenly as she unwillingly began to peel the potatoes.

“I’ll help you, but don’t expect me to be happy while I do it,” Nina told him.

“You seemed to be in a better mood this morning, did anything happen at the office?” Tom queried.

“No, I’m just tired that’s all,” Nina told him and put the potato peeler down to go to the fridge. “Which reminds me,” she took out an energy drink and opened it. “I need one of those fuckers for this shit.”

“Language, Nina,” Tom admonished her as he continued to chop the onions. “I don’t want William’s first word to be a swear word.”

Nina smirked at him in response. “What if his first word was fuck instead of mama or papa?”

“Then I would know who to blame,” Tom snorted.

“What if his first word is Nina?” Nina asked after casually taking a sip from her drink.

“Then I would be truly happy for you,” Tom informed her with a smile and grabbed the energy drink from her to place it on the kitchen worktop. “Finish peeling the potatoes and you can have it back,” he told her firmly.

“I can reach it you know,” Nina pointed out to him, but proceeded to continue peeling the potatoes.

“Have you started on your list of things you look forward to yet?” Tom asked as he began to cut the potatoes Nina had peeled.

“Not yet,” Nina told him and tried to come up with things she was looking forward to. Helena entered the kitchen with William and Nina’s face instantly lit up. She always looked forward to seeing her baby brother. She dropped the potato peeler in the sink once she had peeled the last potato and wiped off her hands on a towel before reaching out for the baby. “Seeing baby William is going to be the first thing on my list,” she said gleefully as she took the little baby in her arms.

“What list?” her mother asked curiously as she began to help Tom with the cooking.

“My therapist told me to write a list of things that I look forward to everyday,” Nina explained and lovingly kissed the baby on his forehead.

“That sounds nice,” her mother said happily. “Do you feel like you get along well with your therapist?”

“Yeah, I do actually,” Nina told her with a smile as she thought about how sweet and gentle her therapist was.

Nina cuddled with her baby brother until the dinner was ready, then she tried to excuse herself by saying she wanted to head out for a walk, but Tom stopped her.

“I thought you wanted to start with your medications again,” he told her with a frown.

“Right,” Nina remembered and sat down by the dinner table. In order to be able to start taking her ADD medications again, doctor Freeman had told her to gain a certain amount of weight, and in order to do that she needed to eat.

“When is your next appointment at doctor Freeman’s?” Tom asked her.

“On Thursday afternoon. He’s going to cut off the mole on my hip,” Nina informed him.

“But I think it’s beautiful, you’ve had that ever since you were a baby,” her mother objected.

“I hate it and I want it gone. It’s probably not cancerous, but it sure is ugly,” Nina replied honestly, causing her mother to pout slightly.

“If that’s how you truly feel, who am I to try to stop you?” Helena sighed and gently caressed her daughter’s cheek. “You’ve grown into such a beautiful and independent woman.”

“I’m not that independent seeing as I’m still living here,” Nina remarked. “And I’m certainly not beautiful,” she added, causing her mother to sigh.

“Yes, you are beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful, Nina,” her mother said insistently.

“Of course you have to say that,” Nina muttered. “You’re my mother.”

“I think you’re beautiful too,” Tom told her with a smile. “And I’m not your mother.”

Nina smiled, shaking her head at him. “But you love my mother,” she pointed out.

“And I love you as well, my dear stepdaughter,” Tom told her sincerely. Nina blushed and put a hand over her mouth as she smiled and looked at him with watery eyes. It was the first time he had told her he loved her and she was deeply moved by this. “Come here,” he said as he got up from his seat and walked around the table until he reached her side. Nina stood up and cried softly as they hugged each other. She didn’t know why it made her so emotional, maybe it was because she was so tired, or because it actually meant a lot to her to hear that she was loved by her stepfather.

Next day at work, Nina was still a bit sore from the previous day’s spanking. She squirmed where she sat in her seat and smiled embarrassedly as Andrew walked up to her.

“Perhaps we should get you a new desk so you can choose if you want to stand up while working,” he suggested as he put some papers down on her desk.

“Those are pretty popular,” Nina told him hopefully.

“But then everyone else would want one too,” Andrew mused. “Perhaps you should look into it for me. Get me a cost sheet on how much it would cost to get everyone here a new desk. I want it on my desk by the end of the day,” he instructed.

“You’ve got it, boss,” Nina told him with a smile and immediately began looking into the costs for new, more ergonomic desks.

At the end of the day, Nina walked into Andrew’s office with the carefully constructed cost sheet.

“Thank you, dear,” Andrew said cheerfully as she handed it to him. “Are you feeling any better?” he asked as he looked at her concernedly.

“I still feel like a bad person,” Nina admitted, wondering if she would ever be able to rid herself off the uncomfortable guilt.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Andrew told her regretfully. “Would you like me to try to help you again?” he suggested.

Nina blushed and nodded at him. “Could you use the ruler this time?”

“Was the hand too intimate or do you just want it to hurt more?” Andrew asked her as he opened his desk drawer. “Lock the door and bend over the desk,” he instructed firmly as he rolled up his shirt sleeves.

“I suppose I want it to hurt more,” Nina admitted after doing as instructed.

“Then I’ll make sure to hit the sit spots. That way you’ll really feel it,” Andrew informed her as he walked up behind her with the ruler in his hand. “You’re not going swimming or anything this weekend, right?”

“No,” Nina assured him blushingly.

She shut her eyes tightly as he began spanking her firmly with the ruler. She instinctively kicked with her legs, causing Andrew to sigh disapprovingly.

“If you insist on asking for punishment, then accept it and stop kicking your legs,” he told her sternly, giving her a particularly hard whack on her bottom.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Nina told him and made sure to focus on holding still. She grimaced in pain at the harsh treatment her bottom was suffering through, but didn’t tell him to stop. She eventually began to sob, and Andrew slowed down the pace.

“Tell me to stop when you want me to stop,” he reminded her.

“Could you do it with your hand?” Nina asked through her tears. Andrew put the ruler down on the desk right in front of her eyes, before continuing to spank her with his hand. He gently caressed her sore bottom between the slaps, making her relax. “Stop,” Nina finally said. She enjoyed his touch, but not the slaps. “Could you just touch me for a bit?”

“Like this?” Andrew asked, gently caressing her buttocks. Nina nodded and continued to cry softly as he tenderly touched her bottom. She didn’t feel sexually excited by it, but found it rather comforting.

“Thank you, Andrew,” Nina finally said as she got back up again. She turned around and hugged him hard.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked as he held her tightly.

“Yes, for now,” Nina replied with a sad smile.

“You should really do something about that guilt,” Andrew told her seriously. “You can’t go around feeling this guilty all the time. It’s eating you up.”

“I know, Andrew. But I don’t know what to do about it,” Nina told him dejectedly.

“You should definitely talk to someone about it,” Andrew advised her. Nina sighed heavily as she thought about her therapist. Could she perhaps tell him about it?

“I’ll try,” she assured him, before leaving his office.

“There you are,” Tom said as she walked out of Andrew’s office. “Are you coming?”

“Sure,” Nina replied and picked up her things on the way out.

“Are you alright?” Tom asked concernedly as he noticed how Nina kept squirming in her seat. He frowned slightly as she nodded at him. “Did you-” Tom interrupted himself and looked at the road before him. Nina reached out to put on some music, but Tom gently grabbed her by the wrist and looked at her seriously. “Did you… are you hurt, Nina?”

“I’m alright,” she assured him and blushed deeply.

“Did someone hit you?” he asked insistently, and Nina ardently shook her head at him. “I don’t believe you. Was it someone at the office?” he asked and Nina shook her head at him again. His next question caused her to freeze up. “Was it Ben?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3


	12. What a Hardass

“No, it wasn’t Ben,” Nina assured him, but she could tell by the skepticism on his face that he didn’t believe her. “It actually wasn’t Ben,” Nina insisted. “I asked a friend to do it because I felt really guilty about something,” she said truthfully.

“What do you have to feel so guilty about that you ask someone to hit you so badly that you can’t sit straight?” Tom questioned seriously.

“I promised my friend that I would talk to my therapist about it,” Nina told him.

“You better talk to your therapist about it,” Tom told her firmly. “You should probably bring up how you asked your friend for a beating too, because that’s hardly a healthy way to cope with guilt.”

“I thought you would be able to understand,” Nina muttered irritably.

“Because of what you saw on my computer?” Tom questioned. Nina nodded at him and he sighed heavily. “Okay, let me tell you something, Nina. I fantasised about it once when I was particularly upset with you. I fantasised about spanking you, because you had been away for two days straight without as much as a word of assurance to your mother. We were worried sick about you, but you didn’t even seem to care when you got back home like nothing happened. What you found on my computer was research. I considered spanking you to teach you a lesson, and I wanted to get it right, but I didn’t go through with it.”

“Mom would have killed you if you did,” Nina snorted, feeling a bit disappointed but mostly relieved that it hadn’t been a sexual fantasy of his to spank her. She had had enough of fulfilling sexual fantasies with married men. “Why didn’t you just tell me that to begin with?” she questioned confusedly.

“Because I didn’t think you would believe me. I was mortified and wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole ordeal,” Tom told her, his cheeks growing slightly red. He glanced over at Nina as she kept squirming in her seat. “Should we stop by the pharmacy to get you some ointment or something?”

“No thanks,” Nina told him embarrassedly. “I just want to go home.”

They spent the rest of the drive home in silence and once they got inside the house, Nina rushed straight to her room before anyone had the time to ask her to help with something. She needed to be alone.

While it was sweet that Tom cared about her, Nina thought that it had gone a bit too far this time. He had embarrassed her and treated her like she wasn’t capable of making her own decisions regarding her own body. She sighed heavily as she locked the bedroom door and removed her clothes to inspect her body in the full length mirror. She grimaced in pain as she looked at her red and bruised bottom. There were red marks and bruises across her upper thighs and lower bottom. She touched the heated area gently and winced slightly at the soreness. Andrew really hadn't gone easy on her. She smiled to herself as she thought about Andrew, he seemed to understand her without passing any judgement. For the first time, Tom had disappointed her in that aspect; he had passed judgement on her desire to be spanked in order to deal with her guilt by referring to it as unhealthy. What did he know about that? It would be more unhealthy to get high or drunk to escape the guilt, or to hurt herself more severely than a spanking did. For a moment, Nina seriously considered getting drunk to get a point across to him, but decided against it.

There was a knock on her bedroom door. It was her mother saying that dinner was ready. Nina sullenly declined and laid down in bed to look on her laptop for a series to watch with Stina. She texted her suggestions to Josef and smiled as he replied almost right away, strongly recommending one of the series she had suggested.

“Nina,” it was her mother’s voice again. “I brought you some food.” 

Nina got up and unlocked the door for her mother who walked in with a tray of food, a glass of water and a cup of tea. “Thank you, mom,” Nina said appreciatively as she watched her mother put the tray down on the desk.

“You’re welcome, darling,” Helena replied and kissed her daughter on the forehead. “Try to eat something even if you’re not in the mood for it. And if you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, mom,” Nina replied with a smile as she sat down by the desk to eat. She bit her lip hard to not let on that she was in pain. She took a bite of the food while her mother was still in the room, to assure her that she was indeed eating something. As she chewed the food, Nina realised how hungry she really was and finished her portion.

She grabbed the plate and went downstairs with it to put in the dishwasher. In the kitchen was Tom, cleaning up after dinner. She glared at him as she rinsed off her plate and put it in the dishwasher, but didn’t say anything.

“Nina,” he said regretfully. “I’m sor-”

“No,” Nina interrupted him and abruptly headed back upstairs before he had the time to utter another word. She stayed in her room for most of the evening, and headed downstairs when she felt like going for a walk.

“Where are you going?” Tom wondered, walking up to her from the living room as she put her shoes on.

“I’m going out for a walk,” Nina told him with a shrug.

“Now?” Tom questioned and glanced at his watch. “It’s half past eleven.”

“I know,” Nina replied. “And I feel like going for a walk, so I’m going for a walk.”

“Where to?” Tom asked, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up in a way that made her think about how Andrew had rolled up his sleeves right before spanking her. Nina bit her lip and swallowed as she felt a thrill of excitement run through her body at the sight of Tom’s bare forearms. She grimaced as she mentally cursed herself for thinking such a forbidden thought and tried to focus on the conversation.

“I don’t know yet. Maybe one of the lakes,” she replied with a shrug and Tom sighed soundly.

“I’d rather you didn’t, considering what happened last time you did that,” he objected concernedly. Now it was Nina’s turn to sigh. His worry about her was kind of called for this time, seeing as she had jumped into the ice cold water last time she went to one of the lakes late at night.

“I won’t do it again,” Nina assured him and then got angry with herself for being so compliant. Then she got angry with Tom for not minding his own business. “Not that it’s any of your business what I decide to do with my own body,” she added irritably. “If I want to go for a swim, I’ll go for a swim. If I want to ask someone to hit me, I ask someone to hit me. It’s none of your damn business, Thomas.”

“You could drown,” Tom told her seriously. “I would never forgive myself if-”

“If I drowned, it would hardly be your fault,” Nina interjected.

“It would feel like it,” Tom told her. “Look, I’m sorry about how I expressed myself before. Of course it’s your body and you decide what you do with it, but if you put yourself in any danger, I’m bound to worry about you.”

“Getting hit by someone is one of the least dangerous options of what I feel like doing to myself,” Nina informed him. She internally curself again. Why the hell would she tell him something like that?

“You’re making me really worried now, Nina,” Tom said and insistently blocked the way for her when she tried to walk out on him.

“Let me leave. I really need to go out for a walk,” Nina told him stubbornly.

“You’ve got work tomorrow,” Tom objected.

“I’m a grown up and I can make my own damn decisions,” Nina argued.

“Could I come with you then?” Tom wondered.

“If you keep quiet,” Nina told him, realising that he might not let her go out otherwise. Or he would worry and wait up for her until she got back. “I like to listen to music while I walk.”

“Good, I’ll listen to music too then,” Tom replied as he put on his shoes. He grabbed his jacket and called into the living room. “Helena. Nina and I are going out for a walk.”

“At this hour?” she questioned in a tired voice.

“Yeah, don’t wait up,” Tom replied before they walked outside.

The night air was cold and felt good in Nina’s lungs. She put her headphones in her ears and turned on some music before Tom had the time to try to start a new conversation. She led the way and decided to walk to one of her favourite lakes. It was so beautiful and peaceful at this time of day. As they stood there by the dark lake, Nina sat down on the rocks and looked at the moon reflected in the water surface. They were close to the spot where she had jumped in the last time she was there. She walked up to the spot and bent down to touch the water surface. The water was very cold and felt good against her hand. She touched her face with her wet hand and smiled slightly as she recalled how awake and alive she had felt when she had jumped into the lake. She noticed Tom walking up to her and smiled to herself in the dark. There were no lights by the lake other than that from the moon. She bent down again to touch the water and splashed some water on Tom. To her surprise, he bent down and returned the action. Nina gasped in shock at how much water he had managed to splash on her and unplugged her ears.

“What the hell, Tom,” she told him amusedly.

“Sorry, did you get wet?” he asked.

“Just a tad,” Nina laughed, her shirt was soaking wet, but it was too dark for Tom to see.

“Perhaps we should head back home,” he suggested. Nina agreed. She was getting cold.

Once they got out into an illuminated path, Tom breathed in sharply once he saw how much water he had splashed on Nina.

“Oh dear, Nina, I’m so sorry,” Tom said and removed his own jacket to put it on her. “I didn’t mean to splash so much water on you. It was dark and I didn’t see you properly.”

Nina pulled the jacket tightly around her cold body and smiled reassuringly at him. “I know you didn’t mean to.”

When they got home, Nina returned the jacket to Tom and removed her wet shirt.

“I never realised that you didn’t wear any jacket,” Tom told her and respectfully looked away from Nina once he noticed that she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath her low-necked top. Nina crossed her arms over her breasts to cover herself up as she looked at Tom.

“Good night then,” she said before heading upstairs.

“Good night,” Tom replied.

Nina had a hard time sleeping that night. There was too much on her mind, and she had a soreness in her bottom that wouldn’t go away. Neither would the feelings of guilt that crept up on her at five in the morning. She gave up sleeping and put on her laptop to watch some series on it. Her bedroom door was slightly ajar from her last toilet visit and she hadn’t been bothered to shut it again. To her surprise Tom appeared in the door opening and looked at her concernedly.

“Are you alright, Nina?” he asked. “What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep. What are you doing up?” Nina questioned and raised an eyebrow at him as he motioned to his training clothes.

“I’m going out for a run. I enjoy getting up early in the morning, I like to get the most out of the day,” he told her briskly.

“Oh my God, are you insane? Do you ever rest?” Nina questioned frowningly as she realised how long his days were if he regularly got up at this hour. She felt bad for keeping him up so late the preceding day.

“Of course I rest,” Tom smiled at her. “About that, you should probably try to get some more rest before work.”

“But I can’t sleep,” Nina objected.

“If you say so. Want to join me for a run?” Tom offered. Nina stared him dead in the eye and threw a pillow at him. Tom laughed in response before throwing it back at her.

As soon as Tom was out of sight, Nina got up and locked the door. She turned the lights on and searched her closet for a jar of her old medications that she had hidden away the moment her doctor stopped prescribing them. There were still a couple of pills left. She took one and put it in her wallet, thinking she could use it to get through the working day.

Nina yawned largely as she sat down in the car to go to work, she grimaced slightly as her butt came in contact with the carseat and cursed herself for thinking a spanking would rid her off the guilt. Now she was burdened by guilt and a sore ass instead of just the former of the two.

She sighed as she caught Tom throwing her a concerned look. She didn’t want him to be so concerned about her, at least not about this. Why couldn’t he just trust her when she said she was fine? Maybe because she wasn’t fine. He seemed good at noticing when there was something weighing her down.

The day at the office went by excruciatingly slowly at first and Nina had a really hard time focusing. That’s when she remembered the pill she had put in her wallet and swallowed it down with some energy drink. A while after that, she began to feel the effects of the medication. She was able to sit still in her seat, despite the pain in her backside, and she was able to work more effectively than usual. She wasn’t as distracted by the people around her anymore and hardly even noticed when Andrew walked up to her desk.

“Hey, Nina. I decided to give you and your colleagues new desks, mostly because of your argument about the importance of ergonomics in order to provide a good working environment,” Andrew told her cheerfully. Nina rubbed her eyes, they felt a bit dry from staring so concentratedly on the computer screen for hours, and smiled widely at her boss.

“That’s great! Thank you, Mister Scott,” she said gleefully.

“You’ve been unusually still today, haven’t you? Is something up?” Andrew asked her.

“No, I’m just focusing on my work,” Nina said with a frown. “Isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?”

“Of course that’s great,” Andrew said and leaned in to talk to her in a lower voice so he wouldn’t be overheard. “But you’re usually more up and about, and chattier than you’ve been today. You’re not getting depressed, are you?” he asked concernedly. Nina smiled reassuringly at him.

“I’m okay, Mister Scott. I promise,” she told him.

“Good. If you need someone to talk to about anything at all, my door is always open,” he reminded her with a gentle smile.

“Thank you,” Nina said appreciatively.

Saturday arrived and it was finally time for Nina’s carefully planned date with Stina. They went for a walk to her favourite lake and had a picnic there with a bunch of blankets on top of them to stay warm. Nina had brought her laptop and while drinking hot chocolate, they began to watch the series she had found for them. They stayed there for hours, watching several episodes of the captivating series.

After the date, they went to Stina’s place. Stina was shocked when she saw Nina’s red and bruised bottom when they were about to have sex and just had to ask about how she got them. Nina blushed and lied, telling Stina that she had done it to herself. Stina was intrigued to find out about Nina’s spanking fetish and asked if she could touch her sore bottom. Nina moaned and shut her eyes as Stina gently caressed her ass. It felt so good. Then Stina’s hand traveled in between her legs to touch her wet pussy.

“Such a naughty girl,” Stina said playfully and smiled. “Perhaps I should spank you next time,” she suggested.

“Please do,” Nina said lustfully where she laid on her stomach on the bed. “In fact, you could spank me right now.”

“If you say so,” Stina replied and gave her bottom a sound smack. Nina moaned in response.

“More,” Nina encouraged and Stina obliged. After a couple of more smacks, Nina panted and moaned. She orgasmed from the spanking alone.

“Did you come?” Stina asked with a smile and Nina nodded smilingly at her.

“Thank you,” Nina said and sat up in bed. She kissed Stina passionately and began tugging at her panties. “Now it’s your turn to come,” Nina said and looked lustfully at Stina. “I’ve never gone down on a girl before.”

Nina stayed the weekends over at Stina’s place, and they had a great time together. Not only because of all the sex, but because of their conversations, the watching series together and playing boardgames. It turned out that Stina was quite the board game geek with an impressive collection of different games. Nina loved getting to know Stina better.

Monday morning came and it was time for the workweek to begin again. Nina sighed heavily as she sat down by her desk. She wasn’t really feeling up to working. She felt unusually unmotivated and just sat there and stared blankly at the computer screen for a couple of minutes. She really wished she had some ephedrine left that would help her get through the day and even considered calling Jim over to give her a couple of pills. After all, she had given them to him for occasions such as these.

She went outside to the area where people usually would go for a smoke and picked up her phone.

“Hey, Jim. Remember those pills I gave you? I could really use a couple of them right now, if you have time to stop by between your jobs,” Nina requested into the receiver. “Yeah, lunch break is great. Sure we can have lunch together. Do you mind if a friend of mine joins us? Not? Great! See you then!”

“What was that all about?” a voice came, causing her to jump with surprise. She could have sworn she had been all alone when she made the call, but apparently there had been someone standing around the corner. It was Benedict. “What kind of pills are we talking about? Are you doing drugs, Nina?” he asked as he put out his cigarette against the ground.

“No, of course not!” Nina replied, trying to act as though the mere thought offended her greatly.

“Then what kind of pills? It’s hardly birth control pills if you could use a couple of them right now,” Benedict pointed out.

“It’s caffeine pills,” Nina lied. “Tom has forbidden me to take them because he thinks I get too much caffeine through the energy drinks and coffee as it is. But I’m still tired all the time. So I need them.”

“Is that so?” Benedict asked skeptically. “I don’t believe you, young lady.”

“Then join us for lunch and see for yourself,” Nina argued. “Don’t tell Tom about it though.”

“Alright then,” Benedict said with a smirk. “And I would like a drug test from you first thing in the morning.”

“But I have therapy then,” Nina argued.

“Then after your therapy,” Benedict replied. What a hardass.

“Fine!” Nina agreed and thought briefly about the ADD pill she had taken last week when she hadn’t been able to sleep. For how long would that stay within her system?

As soon as Benedict had left to go back inside, Nina picked up her phone and searched for information about methylphenidate. She was relieved to find out that she would likely pass the drug test as long as she didn’t take anything else. She then proceeded to tell Jim to buy her a bottle of caffeine pills and bring her those instead of the ephedrine. Thanks to her precautions, lunch went well, though it felt a bit odd for Nina to be surrounded by three people, all of which she had had sex with. None of them knew that they all had that in common.

Tuesday morning came, and it was time for Nina’s third therapy session with Henry. She felt nervous as she thought about her promise to Andrew to talk about her guilt with someone. She had promised Tom the same thing.

Initially, they went through her list of things she looked forward to on a daily basis, and then Henry asked her about her date with Stina. They spoke about her and Stina’s relationship for a bit. Then Nina hesitantly brought up the subject of guilt.

“I’ve felt really guilty about something lately,” she said cryptically.

“I’ve noticed that there seems to be something weighing you down. Do you feel ready to talk to me about it?” Henry asked.

“It’s hard to talk about. I feel like such a horrible person,” Nina told him.

“And why is that?” he questioned.

"Because I am a horrible person," she said dejectedly.

"Thinking you're a horrible person doesn't make you a horrible person, Nina," Henry pointed out and leaned slightly forward in his seat as he looked thoughtfully at her. "I firmly believe we need to talk about what it is that makes you feel this way."

“I’ve done something really bad. Something terribly wrong,” Nina confessed.

“What did you do?” Henry asked.

“I… I can’t say,” Nina replied. She felt so ashamed.

“Alright then, Nina. If you’re not ready to talk about what’s going on, let’s try to talk more about guilt in general,” Henry suggested. Nina nodded, feeling grateful that he didn’t keep pushing her to tell him about it. “Guilt and shame are difficult feelings to face, but they are an essential part of the human experience. They help you grow as a person, and often guide you not to repeat the same mistakes. We all make mistakes, it’s part of being human. And sometimes we have to repeat the same mistake several times before we learn from it.” Nina nodded agreeingly as she listened to him speak. It all made sense.

“So how do I get rid of the guilt?” she asked.

“You don’t just get rid of it, Nina. You experience it and you learn from it,” Henry told her. “Ultimately, you’re one who decides for how long you feel guilty about something. Perhaps you need to be more compassionate towards yourself and forgive yourself.”

“But I can’t forgive myself, how could I possibly when I keep repeating the same mistakes? It’s like I’m unable to learn from my mistakes. Afterwards I feel like I should have known better, I feel so guilty. But when I’m in the middle of it, I just don’t care about anything other than f-” Nina interrupted herself and blushed. She had almost said fucking my boss.

“That sounds like a dilemma. I really wish you would feel comfortable enough to tell me more about this in detail. That would make it easier for me to help you. But I’ll try my best with what little information I have,” Henry said. “From what you just said, I presume the mistakes you keep making involve something that feels really good in the moment. Good enough to make you care less about the long-term consequences of your actions. So what I propose is that you start applying a cognitive behavioural model to your behaviour. It’s called A-B-C functional analysis,” he said and went to his desk where he picked up a binder from which he grabbed a paper.

Nina glanced down at the worksheet and read it. Its whole purpose was for her to analyse what came before the behaviour (antecedent), the behaviour itself and the consequences of the behaviour.

“What I want you to do, Nina, is to practice doing the analysis. It doesn’t have to be big problematic behaviours that you start with, but simpler ones, such as drinking too much coffee or swearing too much,” Henry suggested. “I want you to show your analysis to me during our next meeting.”

“Okay, I suppose I could do that,” Nina replied. It didn’t seem too hard as long as she didn’t apply the model to her behaviour of being intimate with people who were off limits.

For a change, Benedict picked up Nina at the therapist’s office.

“How did it go?” Benedict asked her once she had hesitantly entered his car.

“It went well,” Nina mumbled as she put her seatbelt on.

“Good,” Benedict said. “Are you ready for your drug test at doctor Freeman’s office?”

“I suppose I am,” Nina replied and sighed. She didn’t have any energy drink in Benedict’s car to drink, and she was feeling tired. “Could we stop somewhere for a coffee? I’m feeling really tired,” she requested.

“Fine,” Benedict agreed and they went to buy coffee before driving to doctor Freeman’s office.

At the office, Nina was requested to leave a urine sample as well as a blood sample. Luckily, no one watched her pee into the plastic cup and the blood test was rather smoothly administered. It hurt a little bit, but not too bad.

“We’ll have the results in a couple of days,” doctor Freeman said when she got out of the blood testing chair.

“Good,” Nina replied and made herself ready to leave the office.

“Wait. Let me check your weight first,” doctor Freeman said. Nina’s heart sank. She hadn’t been eating too well lately. She reluctantly stepped on the scale and sighed when the weight was not any closer to the weight doctor Freeman wanted her to reach before he gave her medicine for her ADD. The doctor frowned as he looked at her. “You need to eat properly, Nina. There really is no wonder you’re tired all the time if you don’t eat enough.”

“I do eat enough,” Nina insisted stubbornly.

“No, you don’t,” doctor Freeman argued. “The scale doesn’t lie. If you lose more weight, I’ll get really worried about you.”

“Fuck,” Nina muttered under her breath.

“Fuck indeed,” doctor Freeman replied. “Get your shit together and take proper care of yourself like the grown up person you are. You shouldn’t need others to nag you about something as basic as eating.”

“You’re right,” Nina agreed with a sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


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